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First, on the off chance anyone is actually offended, please feel free to request an edit.
Second, apologies to Talos, Nean Donly, theDarkDragon, Rogan, Moonshadow, and J.Ace21 for hijacking their characters and (probably) mangling them.
Third, no apologies to Avatara, Katerei, BreadWorldMercy453, Wizard, and Jehezekel. Their characters deserve everything that happens to them
.Fourth, this assumes that the reader has also read 453’s Avriana chrons part 1 and part 2.
Fifth, I know I already ripped off Frozen in Tales of Bellerophon Part 2, but 453 hinted so strongly in the second Avriana chron that Erendell was Arendelle that I couldn’t resist doing so again.
Finally, I don’t know how good this chron is, but here it is anyway…
*BiC*
“Why are we in this story, my liege?” Kitran asked. “There doesn’t seem to be a need for us here.”
“Because we appear relatively more villainous if we’re in this story, rather than just mentioned,” Fred told his minion. “And it’s been sometime since I’ve gotten to do anything villainous.”
“But we’re in a spinoff chron based on a spinoff chron based on a chron based on a team story. How villainous can we be?”
“One takes what one can get, Kitran. One takes what one can get,” Fred replied. He pulled out a stack of paper and handed it to the daemon. “Here, leave this outside Katerei’s house.”
“As you command, master,” the daemon answered.
Kitran glanced at the papers. It appeared to be a short story titled “The Unofficial Avriana Story, parts 1 and 2.”
Internally, he decided that he didn’t even want to know what Fred was planning.
Katerei was in mourning.
On this particular day, she was doing what she had been doing for the past few months: sitting in her chair staring dejectedly at the wall bemoaning her numerous hardships.
They had saved the world from the alternate Cythera, and Selax had told her what happened to Avatara—that he had gone to someplace called Erendell. Selax had, however, refused to help her get there, telling her that it was too dangerous. Besides, she also lacked the appropriate passport for Ethereal Void travel.
Not only was Avatara still gone but her neglected garden had been trampled and the bushes on her lawn had all been kicked over.
Katerei had considered starting a cleanup but had decided to leave the garden and lawn as it was as a memorial.
She had long since decided that Adriana must be a super villain.
Her brooding was then most rudely interrupted by a knock on her door.
Morosely, she decided it wasn’t worth answering.
When the knock was repeated, she still ignored it, too depressed to get up.
After three more hours of repeated knocking, Katerei finally gave up and opened the door.
“Go away,” she said apathetically, only to find no one there. Shrugging, she was about to close the door when she saw a stack of paper sitting on the ground. She would have ignored it but for the title.
Avriana? Maybe it’s a misspelling of Avatara!
She picked it up, went back inside, and began to read.
Hidden among the ruined bushes outside, Kitran sighed in relief. His mission here was done and he was now free to go. Grimacing, he rubbed his aching hand. First, of course, he would have to go to the chiropractor.
Some days later, Rapierian was walking along the river near Cademia. Recently, ever since end of that business with the other Cythera, the necromancer had been bored. Playing pranks on Shanadar, terrifying random NPCs, killing the odd ruffian—it all had been horribly mundane.
That was why Fred’s call—directing him to help Katerei reach someplace called “Erendell”—had been interesting enough for him to look into it, even if he had been disappointed when Fred told him “Erendell” was not what Katerei’s people called the afterlife.
Hysterical laughter shook Rapierian from his happy thoughts of killing someone. He paused, making sure he hadn’t started laughing and then followed the sound.
In a few minutes, he found someone standing on the edge of a cliff. They seemed to be holding a large stack of paper and to be wrestling with the urge to either throw the paper of themselves off of the cliff. After a few minutes, he determined it was probably Katerei. Her skin had turned an odd shade of turquoise instead of blue and her hair had become such a mess that the necromancer was certain he had spotted a squirrel in it, so he couldn’t be certain.
As he approached, she stopped laughing and stood staring at the bottom of the cliff with a depressed expression. Up close, her eyes were bloodshot and she seemed unsteady on her feet.
“Do you need help getting down?” the necromancer asked cheerfully. “I’m trying to do a good deed today!”
“No,” she said in a monotone, almost seeming not to notice him. “It wouldn’t help. I couldn’t save Avatara. I deserve to live a long, guilt-filled life.”
Then, she burst into tears.
“Are you sure? It’d be no trouble at all—I’d be glad to help!”
Almost before he’d finished speaking, her expression changed yet again to one of horrible fury.
“I should kill her! That’s why I should do! I’ll hunt her down and rip her to pieces!”
Rapierian nodded gravely—well, as gravely as one can when smiling widely and fighting not to laugh.
Before he could say anything, her mood changed again and she started laughing. She waved the papers that she was holding in his direction.
“Do you see this?” she said laughing so much she seemed to be on the verge of tears. “It’s so bad a lie that it’s funny! I mean, Avatara would never do this to me! It’s absurd…unless, of course, it’s true…”
Her face fell.
“Then, I’d have nothing to live for. It would be a great debate: should I die instantly or live a long life filled with regret that I couldn’t stop a super villain like Adriana from getting to Avatara?”
“We could probably come up with some way for you to do both,” Rapierian suggested eagerly, but it was too late. Katerei had already shifted moods again.
“I’ll mangle her! I’ll go to Erendell and—“
“Erendell? Is that were you need to go to murder someone? Why, it just so happens that I know of a group going there today—“
He got no further before Katerei grabbed him and began to shake him violently.
“WHEN?! WHERE?!”
Later that day, Rapierian and Katerei made their way into Cademia. It had taken awhile for Rapierian to answer Katerei’s questions—both because she kept screaming them repeatedly and because even the necromancer had trouble speaking while being shaken violently.
Near the Tavern, they found a small group of people standing around.
“Katerei? Is that you? It’s been awhile!”
She looked at the man blankly.
“Who are you?” she asked.
“It’s me! Theo!”
At her continued blank stare, he continued, “Avatara and I got swallowed by a dragon! You’ve got to remember that!”
“Avatara…?”
Katerei burst into tears.
Everyone else stood around awkwardly, except Rapierian who chuckled quietly.
When she stopped, Theo tried again.
“Well, surely, you remember Talos?”
She shook her head.
“DarkDragon? Jehezekel?”
Still, Katerei looked at him in puzzlement.
“Katze? Rogan? Karana?”
Startled out of her apathy, Katerei gasped, having recognized that last name.
“Didn’t she hit Slayer on the head and dump his body in a ditch somewhere?”
“I did not!” the woman retorted, haphazardly waving a shovel over her head. Several people near her ducked. “He just slipped and kind of fell into the shovel. And his body tumbled into that ditch on its own! Er—that is, he left Cythera through the Void in a widely attended ceremony!”
“Sure! Whatever you say!” Katze said, nervously stepping away from her.
“Are you going to Erendell?” Katerei asked.
Theo looked surprised.
“Why, yes. Have you come to join us on our quest?”
“No, I just want to find Avatara. And kill Adriana. She’s a super villain.”
“Adriana?” Theo frowned. “That doesn’t sound right. I thought the queen had a different name.”
He paused, expecting Katerei to ask for an explanation.
She didn’t: she was too busy ranting and raving about how she planned to murder Adriana. Rapierian, looking delighted, was alternating between offering suggestions and taking notes. Finally, she lapsed back into depression.
“We’re going to kill the queen of Erendell,” Katze explained. “It’s unfortunate, but it’s the only way to save the multiverse.”
“Save the what?” Katerei laughed. “Why? It’s obvious Adriana isn’t a real threat. It’s just a silly story!”
She burst into a fit of high-pitched laughter.
Everyone looked at Rapierian, who—for a change—was momentarily speechless.
“…you’re expecting me to be the voice of reason?”
“Good point,” Theo replied after a moment, not knowing who Rapierian was but desiring to finish the exposition. “Anyway, as you know, nearly four years ago, Wizard was sent away from Cythera. He was told that he was going on a secret mission to protect Cythera from external threats and that to keep his cover it was necessary to stage his disappearance…in truth, we sent him away because we got tired of waiting behind him in lines. We never expected him to actually find anything, let alone report back in anything less than decades.”
Both Katerei and Rapierian were shocked.
“…he reported something? I thought we’d never hear from him again,” Katerei said in amazement.
Katze pulled out a note.
“It was stuffed in a bottle DarkDragon found floating in the Void,” she explained. “The first part is just a grocery list, but there’s some sort of warning at the ending. It’s hard to read, but it seems to indicate that the queen of Erendell is behind some sort of phenomenon insinuating itself into cultures all across the multiverse. He indicates it’s contagious…then, he starts talking about building snowmen…” She frowned. “I can’t say much more because we don’t want the infection to spread, but it’s clear we have to do something.”
“We call ourselves the ‘Bygone Incredibly Great Heroic Enthusiastic Roleplayers Obliterating Savage Evil Villains Everywhere Nonstop’! We’ll be the greatest superhero team since Team Z-WOLF!” Karana said, happily.
Katze winced but glanced nervously at the shovel Karana was carrying.
“…yeah, that’s what we call ourselves, but we’d really rather not have to kill anyone. It’s just we have no choice.”
“Besides,” Jehezekel broke in, speaking for the first (and only) time, “We can do something Cythera-related for the first time in forever…” His face became blank and he opened his mouth. Music began to play.
“Containment breach!” Theo screamed.
Before Jehezekel could start his song, the other members of the Bygone Incredibly Great Heroic Enthusiastic Roleplayers Obliterating Savage Evil Villains Everywhere Nonstop jumped him. He was immediately gagged, tied up in a straitjacket, and sent off to “J.Ace21’s Institution for Really Deranged or Inactive TS Characters.”
“Well, I guess that makes us the ‘Bygone Incredibly Great Heroic Enthusiastic Roleplayers Obliterating Savage Insidious Xenophobes,’” Karana observed.
“Can we get to Erendell? I need to kill Adriana,” Katerei interrupted.
“Sure, DarkDragon is a planeswalker. He’ll take us right there,” Theo replied. “I agree with Katze though. That note is hard to read. Maybe we should take another look at—“
“No!” Katerei screamed, a homicidal expression on her face. “We are leaving now! Right now!”
In Erendell…
“Well, I think it’s too bad you won’t come with us, Katerei,” Theo said unconvincingly. It was plain that he was more than a little relieved. “Tell Avatara I said ‘Hi.’” Turning away, he muttered, “And ‘good luck.’”
With that, the Bygone Incredibly Great Heroic Enthusiastic Roleplayers Obliterating Savage Insidious Xenophobes headed off to murder the queen.
Rapierian pulled out the map that Fred had given him.
“We should go that way,” he announced, waving a hand vaguely in what looked like the correct direction on the map.
“Why?” Katerei asked, before breaking into another fit of laughter.
“Why not?”
“You’re right. Walking aimlessly about looking for Avatara is a good way to start my life of penance,” Katerei replied morosely.
They promptly headed off the way Rapierian had indicated.
Elsewhere, the members of the Bygone Incredibly Great Heroic Enthusiastic Roleplayers Obliterating Savage Insidious Xenophobes quickly reached the capital city.
Katze was looking at the note again, trying to decipher Wizard’s handwriting. (It was less the fact that Wizard’s handwriting was bad and more the fact that it was hard to tell where the grocery list ended and where the note began.)
“I still don’t like this,” she complained. “I’m not certain we’re in the correct place. Can anyone read this part? How is he spelling ‘Erendell’?”
Theo glanced at the note.
“I think I can read the queen’s name. I’ll ask one of the citizens and see who they say the queen is.”
After a minute, he returned.
“I think Katze might be right. The queen’s name doesn’t look anything like what’s written here.”
”Mightn’t they lie to us? They might be under a spell and try to protect her,” Talos pointed out.
“Well, he did say that the queen was a sorceress of some kind.”
“What should we do?” Rogan wondered. “We don’t want to kill the wrong queen, but we can’t take the risk of missing our target.”
“You’re right,” Karana said decisively. “We’ll have to kill her anyway, just to be safe.”
“That’s not quite what he…” DarkDragon’s voice trailed off as Karana’s grip on her shovel tightened. “I mean—ok, that sounds fine.”
“How can this water not be deep enough for fish…?” Avatara muttered, inspecting the fishing net he was holding. “It’s deep enough for sea monsters.”
He ducked a tentacle and lobbed a fireball at one of the aforementioned sea monsters. Unfortunately, the fireball fizzled and died before striking its target. Avatara hastily executed a strategic withdrawal.
Glumly, he stared at the sea monster from a (hopefully) safe distance.
Ever since Desert Fox and Saria had died in the queen’s most recent power mishap, the fire mage had had an increasingly hard time of controlling his powers. He’d thought about locking himself alone in a room somewhere for thirteen years but Adriana had suggested that maybe he should try taking up fishing instead.
It had been a less than relaxing hobby—due to the fact the water always seemed too shallow—and Avatara was increasingly worried that he was on the verge of having some major accident with his magic. Fortunately, Adriana’s skillful playing of the lute was helping him keep him calm enough to have some control.
Sighing, he gave up for the day and headed back toward the cabin.
Back at the cabin, Adriana had just finished putting up clothes on the clothesline. Now, she was starting a fire to prepare for dinner. Other than the tragic accident with Desert Fox and Saria, she had found life in Erendell fairly pleasant.
Her lute was leaning up against one of the logs used as seats around the fire. Soon, Avatara would be back.
Sighing happily, she continued her work.
Meanwhile, Rapierian and Katerei were working their way through the forest near the cabin. Strangely, Katerei seemed to be calming down, becoming more and more convinced that the Avriana story was just some sort of bizarre fanfiction. She was sure that she and Avatara would have a good laugh about it when they were reunited.
At just that moment, they exited the woods on a hill overlooking a small cabin.
Katerei stopped in shock and horror.
There was a woman straightening up from a fire—a woman she recognized quite well.
Adriana—the most evil super villain Cythera had ever faced.
For a moment, Katerei clung to hope. Surely, there had to be a rational explanation. She could just wait and talk to Avatara—
“They make a nice couple. Don’t you think?” Rapierian said cheerfully.
“DIE YOU HEINOUS, (NON-)HEALING HARPY!” Katerei screamed, pulling out her mace and charging down the hill.
Adriana turned with a gasp but recovered quickly.
“Oh, yeah? Well, you’re a—a—“ she paused, trying to come up with a horrible viirelein insult. Then, she blinked. “There’s a squirrel in your hair.”
Unfortunately—or fortunately depending on one’s point of view—that just happened to be the worst viirelein insult in existence.
Katerei was so enraged that she forgot she had magic and continued her reckless charge.
Adriana fired a mystic arrow. Unfortunately, she was a horrible aim, and Rapierian, standing off to the side now, was forced to duck.
Before he could come up with an appropriate response, Adriana turned and ran around the cabin with Katerei in close pursuit. They circled it three times before Rapierian interjected to Adriana, “Try throwing a spear at her!”
“What? Why?” Adriana asked, panting for breath. Fortunately for her, Katerei was also somewhat out of shape after sitting around doing nothing for several months.
“It worked for Hector,” Rapierian shrugged.
Adriana paused.
“Didn’t he die in that fight?”
“I didn’t say it worked very well.”
At that moment, Katerei came around the corner and swung her mace at Adriana.
Adriana screamed and dodged, stumbling into the clothesline. She began grabbing the various items hanging there and throwing them at Katerei. Katerei was staggered but pressed ahead.
Adriana stumbled and fell. Desperately, she grabbed a shoe and threw at Katerei. She got lucky and scored a direct hit, causing Katerei to stumble backward.
“Why does killing a super villain have to be so hard?” Katerei complained.
“Why don’t you try using magic on her?” Rapierian suggested.
“Magic?” Katerei was puzzled before remembering her powers. “Oh, that’s right!”
She began summoning water to drown Adriana. The magess grabbed Silverfish—who had been hiding under the shoe—and threw him. He struck the water and, losing control of his powers, electrified himself and Katerei. He was killed instantly.
Keterei toppled over and fell shaking to the ground.
Victorious, Adriana staggered back to her feet and prepared to finish off Katerei. Unable to stand, Katerei grasped for anything to throw at the magess and grabbed the lute. As Adriana closed in, Katerei frantically swung the instrument. By pure chance, she broke the lute on Adriana’s head, causing the magess to fall once more.
“NO!” Avatara cried, having come over the hill just in time to see the lute destroyed.
Katerei, hearing his voice, managed to stand and, smiling happily, turned to face him. Adriana had obviously been dealt a mortal blow. Now, everything would be okay.
But Adriana was not dead yet. Using her last strength, she picked up another weapon that had sat unnoticed next to the log. With Katerei’s back turned, she moved to strike.
Avatara’s eyes widened in horror as he saw her grab a bolster, one of the deadliest weapons in all creation.
“LOOK OUT!” he cried.
Katerei spun—and got bolstered in the face, an instantly fatal blow.
“Victory!” Adriana gasped before she too fell down for the last time.
Avatara could only stand in shock, staring at the destroyed lute and Katerei’s body. (Oh, and Adriana’s death was probably sad too.)
Rapierian walked over.
“I have to ask.” the necromancer said. “Do you think it will rain later? I forgot my umbrella back in Cythera.”
With that, Avatara lost control of his powers and burst into flame. He staggered off into the forest.
“Well, that was rude,” Rapierian muttered and walked back down to the cabin. He pulled out a pen and a piece of paper but stopped, frowning for a moment. The light was not quite perfect for writing. He summoned the “shadows” with a gesture and the cabin burst into flames.
“Much better,” he remarked. With that, he sat down and began to write.
Dear Sister,
Today, I performed my good deed for the decade and helped resolve a difficult love triangle…
There came a sound of loud, mechanical breathing.
“I think he’s coming round,” a voice said somewhere.
“How can you tell with that mask?” another voice replied.
“Wikipedia,” came the answer.
Avatara opened his eyes…only to find that he’d been encased in some sort of mask and bulky suit and that the mechanical breathing was his own.
“Sorry about the life support suit,” one of the voices interjected. “By the time we found you, you had already burnt a large segment of the forest and immolated yourself rather severely. Fortunately, we had this suit. We got it second-hand at a pawn shop in another reality.”
Sitting up with difficulty, Avatara sat up and saw four small figures—golems of some kind—standing around the slab he was on.
He blinked.
“You’re made of—“
“Yes, yes, we know. We’re the Children of 453,” the four chorused, “And we like wiki-links!”
“Why did you save me?” he asked sadly.
“We need your help to overthrow the queen,” one of them explained. “You see, she created us, so she’s kind of our mother. But she says we can’t be her heirs just because we aren’t human! She says her sister is her heir. So, we’re going to overthrow her to prove that we’re worthy!”
Another broke in.
“When she gets back anyway, she went running to the mountains when the Bygone Incredibly Great Heroic Enthusiastic Roleplayers Obliterating Savage Insidious Xenophobes showed up.“
“At least no one died this time though. Last time she lost control of her powers and fled for the mountains, that guy—Fix Dessert or something like that—and his girlfriend drowned.”
“Why do you need my help?” Avatara interrupted. “Can’t you tell that I’ve just suffered severe emotional and physical trauma?”
“Because the plot demanded it! If you help us, we can reward you!”
“How? Adriana’s lute is gone, Katerei is dead, and I’m stuck in a life-support suit…oh, and Adriana is dead. That’s probably sad too.”
They paused.
“We could have Katerei stuffed…?”
“We could buy you a piano…?”
“We could paint the suit white…?”
Depressed, Avatara shook his head.
Finally, the last one spoke.
“We have cookies..?”
“Deal!” Avatara said enthusiastically.
“Hooray! We’ll have to wait until she gets back from the mountains though…”
Meanwhile in the mountains…
The Bygone Incredibly Great Heroic Enthusiastic Roleplayers Obliterating Savage Insidious Xenophobes had caught up to the queen and cornered her. With no choice, the queen at last decided to fight.
It was clear that an epic battle was about to begin.
“Last chance to surrender and die peacefully,” Karana threatened.
“Never!” Queen Retsatella replied defiantly, summoning a tidal wave of chocolate milk.
Grimly, the heroes charged and the battle was on…
*OoC*
It should also be noted that this story assumes one has read Drenched and Fallen.
Also, unless Jehezekel posts otherwise, I regard the fate of his characters as being TS-canon
.*BiC*
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