Ambrosia Software Web Board: The Tavern at the End of the Universe - Ambrosia Software Web Board

The Rules:
1: No huge absurdities.
2: No ressurector potions.
3: No force lightning or lightsabers.
4: Please try not to kill people.
5: Have fun!

I now declare this topic open!

*Into Character*


Deep in an underground bunker, down at the very core of Cythera, a small group of people took a break from their task of keeping Cythera in a state of active balance, to gather in the company canteen, and relax.

They journeyed wearily from the control-room to the canteen, and were shocked to see that Jehezekel, who they thought had stayed back, was peacefully hanging upside-down from the doorjamb, effectively blocking the entrance.

CrazyChick was tempted to throw him against the wall several times, just to make her point clear. It had been a long day, and she was sorely in need of a chocolate muffin. She settled for asking, "What are you doing, Shorty?"

This post has been edited by Avatara: 14 February 2007 - 03:58 AM

mrxak snuck in and stole a muffin. He paused, caught CrazyChick's eye. mrxak raised his hand in a vulcan greeting, then vanished into the shadows.

iKaterei, on Feb 6 2007, 10:13 PM, said:

Ragnar0k, on Feb 6 2007, 10:15 PM, said:

Cache yawned, heading for his quarters. He'd had a restful day off, but now it was time to get some sleep.

"Yo," he tossed at Crazy on the way past, somewhat puzzled by the odd echo. It almost sounded as if there were three of him.

An angry mob was forming at the canteen door. Nearly everyone was suffering from caffeine withdrawal, and everyone was debating about what to do with Jehezekel.

98…99…100

Ragnar0k pushed himself off of the floor hard enough to spring to his feet and wiped the, by now frosted, sweat from his brow. Walking over to a mini-fridge on the side, whose temperature was above freezing and therefore warmer than the rest of the room, he removed a bottle of water and proceeded to guzzle it down. When finished that bottle too went into the towering stack.

The young man glanced around his small room. On his left the wall and his desk were covered in myriad pieces of art, sketches and short stories numbering the most among them, a small Puerto Rican flag resting in the corner. On his right stood various charts and graphs along with a whiteboard that displayed half of a long and complex equation he was working out, on the wall behind hung the “Superman” symbol, created entirely from Lego. Directly between those two sections, and now just ahead, was the door leading out into the hall, which he used after grabbing a blue beach towel for his trip.

His towel draped over his bare shoulder, wearing a pair of Family Guy long johns and comfortable black slippers, the lean muscular half clothed Boricua with abnormally light skin (for them) and long messy black hair walked tiredly over to the shower room…

…Emerging from the warm waters refreshed and, quickly changing back into his pajamas, Ragar0k set about drying his hair. He looked into the mirror and frowned, like with every time he showered his hair was now a mass of loose curls. A comb was employed to quell this uprising, but that battle was hard fought, and in the end his hair was straight but only looked half decent. For what may have been the 50th day in a row he promised himself he would get it cut. Then he brushed his teeth.

Returning to his room he blasted “Inner Universe” on his sound system while he changed clothes, switching into a black button-up that he didn’t bother to tuck and a pair of black jeans. He slipped his feet in a pair of black Graffiti Court sneakers and decided that if he had to mingle he might as well get that over with now.

A crowd was gathered before the entrance to the shared kitchen, though they seemed more like groggily shambling zombies… or crack addicts… In any case Ragnar0k stepped passed them over to the front to see the obstruction; Jehezekel hanging upside down in the doorway. Stepping forward he unceremoniously pushed the man to the side enough to slip passed. Walking over to the cabinet he pulled out a container of Café Bustello, and set it on the counter, then grabbed two pots, some milk from the fridge, and a cup of water, and took it all to the stove. In one pot he poured the tall glass of water, then set it in the stove to boil, and then he poured two cups of milk into the other pot. After a minute the coffee went into the boiling water and the milk was set to be heated up…

*time passes*

Ragnar0k pours some of his freshly made coffee into his cup, and then pours some of the milk into it until the mix is a deep brown color. To this he adds two and a half spoons of sugar, which he stirs in thoroughly, and suddenly his perfect cup of coffee is made. As he sips the slightly sweet brew contentedly he realizes the smell of coffee has traveled out of the room, and driven the coke fiends mad. Angry threats of bodily harm are unloaded upon poor Jehezekel while the islander finishes his morning coffee.

This post has been edited by Ragnar0k: 06 February 2007 - 12:18 PM

To save Jehezekel from a potentially deadly member, CrazyChick picked him up and deposited him firmly on his head in the corridor. Then the entire mob tried to fit through the door at once. Crazy managed to squeeze through, and ran to get her chocolate muffin.
"So." she said, by way of addressing Ragnar0k.
Formalities over, she turned to watch the mob in the doorway, and contentedly took a big bite of her chocolate muffin.

Jehezekel was rather concerned at the general lack of problem solving skills exhibited by his associates, but he was relieved to see that Rag, and CC had managed to come up with solutions, although he preferred Rag's over CC's. He crawled between the legs of the crowding people, and thus entered the canteen. Once inside, Jehezekel sat in the corner, and started counting the tiles.

After her mysterious absence for most of the day (which most people had spent jammed in the doorframe anyway, so it was no great loss), Katerei re-entered carrying a cup of coffee. Finally sedated with caffeine, she sat curled up in a chair against the wall, sipping her coffee compulsively and madly scribbling away in a notebook.

Crazy, noticing Katerei scribbling away in her notebook, suddenly remembered something she had been planning to do all day. From her briefcase she produced her sacred Mackintosh laptop, placed it reverentially on the table, and started it up.
*Fifteen seconds pass*
Crazy was drumming her fingers on the tabletop by now.
"C'mon, start up! I haven't got all day! Why can't you... Ah, thank you!" she muttered.
"Ok. Login. Click username, type in password."
*Small pause*
"That's what I put! Stupid thing."
Industrious re-typing.
*Ten seconds pass*
"Finally! Now, Documents, My Special Folder, Others, Others, Stories, double-click on icon."
*Small pause*
"Ok. Hmmm."
Crazy continued typing where she'd left off. If anyone dare to venture within three feet of the computer screen, she slammed it shut and glared balefully at the intruder. She was heard to mutter peculiar phrases.
"Hmmm. Ghosts? No, definitely not poltergeists. Steam Wraiths? They'd have to be blue..."

*OoC*
Note: my geography here is pretty much arbitrary, so feel free to make suggestions. I also didn't got to the trouble of listing all of the forums and games.
*BiC*


The sun rose over the empire of Ambrosia and its various sub-empires.

In the west lay the great empire of Cythera—composed of the cities of Cythera Web Board and Cythera Chronicles. Bordering this empire on the north and south were the empires of Ferazal, Coldstone, and Avara.

Further to east, in the middle of the continent, were such empires as Uplink, pop-pop, Redline, Darwinia, etc. In the furthest East was the sprawling empire of Escape Velocity, with some of the largest cities in Ambrosia such as EV Banter and Brawl or EV Nova.

To the south was the empire of Ares and all of its various cities, as well as its massive Word Association Football tower.

In the north were the lands of General Interest and the other Ambrosian boards.


In the city of Cythera Web Board (more often called the Web Board) were buildings such Yesterday's Dawn, The Air Castle, Bane, etc. Most of the members lived in the Alraeican Tavern. Currently, they resided in the ninth branch of the building and quite a few were working on a new building called "The Missing Sorceress."

In one of these rooms, Selax (also known as Rapierian in part referring to his weapon) was hard at work...on his lunch; at times, Selax took his meals in his room to avoid the food fights that were known to break out in the cafeteria (and to have his pizza all to himself).

Finishing his lunch, he exited the room and began to walk down the hallway, wondering where everyone had gotten. Summer, winter, spring, or fall, Selax was always dressed the same: he wore a black, cloak and a hood, as well as black boots and gloves, sometimes complete with a mask. After a few minutes, he'd reached the offices of the city's leaders (where he and the other members worked at various times), where he noted that no one was working.

There must have been some kind of delay in the cafeteria, he thought to himself, as he entered his office and sat down at his desk.

[ooc] hey, just a thought, is time going to pass here like it does in real life <edit for clarity- ie, if someone posts 24 hours after me, will a full day have passed in the story> or is it pretty much arbitrary as well? could be weird, seeing as people are in distinctly different time zones. [bic]

In the hallway from which everyone's rooms branched off, Katerei was sitting on the floor facing the wall. Humming along happily to her headphones, she sketched out pictures on the wall with a bright blue Sharpie, oblivious to everything going on around her.

This post has been edited by iKaterei: 09 February 2007 - 03:03 AM

OoC: I assume that, just as in the Alraeican Tavern it is always an evening in late fall/early winter, so this place will find a random time-period to haunt. So far we don't even know the geography. Is it a part of the Ambrosian Continent, or is it an underground bunker, as I envisioned it? Conclusion: at the moment it's pretty random, hopefully it will settle out soon. BiC:

Jehezekel emerged, blinking, from the underground bunker that housed the #cythera communications center, and hurriedly tacked a few boards into place on the edifice of the Missing Sorceress. He hurried on to the Alraeican Tavern, and planted a few flowers in the garden, before disappearing back into the safety of the CCC bunker.

Selax was unsurprised to learn that a lot of members were working down in the CCC. Earlier, he'd finally received a report on the cafeteria delay and relayed to the council. The council had decided that Jehezekel should handle the secretary's job for another week.

Selax put the message on Jehezekel's desk where he'd be sure to find it. Then, he returned to his office.

Crazy had finished typing her latest ideas, and was proceeding back to her office. Largely ignored by other members scuttling past on errands of their own, she was acting on autopilot, and therefore didn't see the open door in front of her. Naturally, she walked into it.
"I beg your pardon, cache." she muttered as she continued.
She turned the corner, and bumped into cache himself.
"Weren't you just around the corner?" she demanded. "How did you get..."
Crazy broke off. cache was looking at her, bemused.
"Dreaming again, huh?" he asked, and went on his way.
Crazy walked back around the corner, and looked hard at the door. She took her glasses off, rubbed them on her shirt, and put them back on.
"Much better!"
She walked back around the corner, and realized she'd forgotten to put her contacts in this morning (again).

A few hours later Jehezekel was looking for a piece of scrap-paper and found the official missive. Of course he just had to read it before using it for scrap purposes. With a sigh, he produced a massive tome from under his chair, and set it on his desk with a thud. He opened The Ultimate Guide to the Forbidden Magicks of Cythera to the chapter titled "Golems". As he read over the spell, he twisted the missive in his hands. He stirred the alchemical elements together, and toggled a switch.

When the smoke cleared, the paper golem was standing in his mixing bowl, wings beating softly above her horned head, "What is my purpose?"

Jehezekel smiled impishly, "You are to be the secretary for this fine community!"
~~~~~~~
A few minutes later the little paper golem was sitting behind the secretarial desk, and Jehezekel was back in the CCC.

Katerei was still sitting in the hallway drawing on the wall when a princess walked by, looking lost. A few minutes later, a troupe of skeletons followed, one of which donned a wizard's hat. With a sigh, Katerei stood up and strode down the corridor to the Wizard's room. Pulling out a piece of paper, she wrote "Wizard, your possessions are missing again!" with her blue Sharpie, taped it to the door, and meandered towards the kitchen to make some coffee.

<edit- this is what you miss out on by not coming to #cythera>

This post has been edited by iKaterei: 11 February 2007 - 03:17 AM

Jehezekel huddled in a corner of the CCC wrapped in his cloak, with his hood pulled so that it covered the right half of his face. A foreign dignitary was visiting the CCC, and such creatures are dangerous. Jehezekel sank further back, until the wall seemed to engulf him, and he vanished.
~~~~~~~~~~~
A brass placket on the front of the desk said "DO NOT FEED THE SECRETARY". By the bell on the corner of the desk was another sign; it read: "Ring Bell for Service PAPERCUTS"

Secretary the Paper Golem was busy drawing pictures on the secretarial swivel-chair with fingernail polish.

A swirling portal of incomprehensible thought and randomness screamed and writhed, spitting out a lanky boy, and sealing itself off again. Hamster winced, picked himself off the floor, and stretched a bit.

"Banter and Brawl... sorry about that."

Hamster found himself a table, chair, and power outlet, and unpacked his trusty black Powerbook G3. After swiftly hacking the closest WEP-encrypted wireless net, he made his way onto the ASW boards, and posted in a new and interesting bar topic started by CrazyChick-

Hamster quickly stopped himself before he created a quantum overlay.

453 looked around the room for a pillow, or a jacket, or a piece of paper, or really a weapon of any sort; but giving up, she decided to just tackle her victim. Wizzy. "POST YOU EVIL WIKILINKING LAZY... JUST POST!" 453 screamed, tackling Wizzy to the ground.

((We've been waiting all day, come on :P))

Secretary walked over to the intercom, and pressed a button. A few minutes later, Jehezekel came bursting through the door, puffing like a bellows. "Yes? You needed something?"

"Bring me a full roll of black lace, and another roll of poison green satin ribbon. Quickly! I must have it for a meeting in half an hour!"

Jehezekel hurried out the door to find some lace and ribbon for Secretary.

He returned in five minutes with the material, and helped Secretary arrange and tack it together, until it formed a black lace dress, with poison green stripes showing through it. Then Secretary produced a sheet of tin foil from one of the drawers, and Jehezekel helped her line the hems and make a belt from it. There wasn't a minute left when they finished, and Secretary flew off to her meeting.

Crazy dodged into a doorway as the skeletons tottered past. Much as she needed to practise her judo, the odds were a little high.
"Better warn The Powers That Be about that. No telling what mischief they could get into."
She was just about to continue on her way when an enormous cave troll shambled by. It failed to see her - its three brain cells were fully occupied with walking.
"Oh no! Transdimensional inter-galactic flux! I told them, I did! I said it wasn't idiot-proof! And that troll looks like a fine exhibit of that class. I wonder what the sector oscillatograph reads? Got to be fifteen at least."
She hurried to warn someone of higher status than herself. Then it would be their problem, not hers.

*OoC* The scientific gibberish isn't supposed to make sense. It's just supposed to be. *BiC*

Selax, Cache, and Katerei were all sitting in the Council Chambers discussing important matters. That is, Katerei was drawing on the wall, Cache was writing a chron, and Selax was grumbling about something or other.

At that moment, a paper golem in a black dress ran in and asked, "Am I late?"

The three were instantly jolted to attention. They stared at the paper golem warily, knowing that its ability to give out paper cuts made it the most dangerous kind of golem. Finally, one of them hit a button on the podium, a trapdoor opened under the Secretary, and the golem dropped from sight.

Selax raised an eyebrow.

"Did they fix that or does it still lead to the incinerator?" he asked Katerei.

She shrugged and went back to drawing on the walls.

Suddenly, CrazyChick burst into the room, followed by several skeletons and a cave troll...

Cache wandered the halls of Cythera Central, shaking his head sadly at the dark, tranparent shadows that flitted about, unaware of their own etherealness. Only a short time ago this place had bustled with activity, but the life had been slowly drained out of it. It wasn't a new phenomenon; he'd witnessed it before. He paused in front of the tower of 'The Missing Sorceress', which had fallen victim to the malaise. It stood, half built, teetering on the brink of failure, as so many had before.

He continued his slow meander, sipping hot coffee, until he finally halted in front of the brightly swirling, ephemeral form that floated in one corner of the control room: #cythera. He stared at it with little emotion, except perhaps a little sadness - sadness for the things that might have been, sadness for those who had yet to learn what he had learned; sadness for those who might never escape the trap. Their echoes lingered here still, dark shadows in the halls - chan wraiths, prisoners of the One Chan to Rule Them All. Few escaped it. Yet he couldn't bring himself to hate it. It was just a thing, it had no life of its own; there was nothing there to hate. It just subtly drew you in and sucked the creativity from your soul, leaving nothing but a shadow. He knew what that was like - he'd been a wraith, once, himself.

With a sigh, he returned to the unfinished tower. Maybe there was something he could do to breathe a little more life into it, to help it grow just a little more. After that, its fate would almost certainly lie in other hands.

Secretary remained floating above the hole for a moment, and then advanced threateningly toward Selax, "I am Secretary, I am the secretary, and I expect you to be polite to ladies." She glared balefully at Selax, "Even evil paper-golem ladies. Now, where's some nail polish? I want to help Katerei draw."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jehezekel returned to his control-room, and started drawing on brown packing-paper.