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...the entire Earth is crushed by the black hole. But when some particle accelerators that currently had antimatter in them got crushed onto the black hole, a space-time continuum flux happened, which sent the Lizard back in time. It was now up to him to stop Og from being respawning. He got on the internet, and looked up Og's personal webpage, to see where he was. He skipped past all of the pictures of Og holding his club, and got down to the FAQs:

Frequently Asked Questions:
Q. What is Og's favorite food?
A. Wooly mammoth. Beaten to death with clubs, then slowly roasted next to a fire in a dark cave.

Q. What is the meaning of life?
A. To serve Og.

Q. Where is Og?
A. Og is in Europe, touring the Eiffel Tower.

Q. What is Og's favorite means of transportation?
A. Og likes to fly his F-4 Phantom around, blowing stuff up (lizards, tumbleweeds, wooly mammoths, etc..)

The lizard then heads for the airport, to steal a plane and go to Paris. He decides to go there driving a...

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"I think I have discovered the problem with humans. It is not entirely stupidity, as I once thought. It is their pigheaded and baseless philosophy: "If it isn't me, then it's opinions, feelings, and life do not matter, and it was meant to serve me." They also have this ability for creating excuses that are pointless, but they get others to believe it. A few examples: "It's only some savages. It's only five acres of rain forest. It's only one semi-truck. It's only fifty gallons of toxic waste..." After this realization, I marvelled at how humans, and the rest of the planet, have survived for so very long."
- Me

...Human HVD.

When the lizard reaches Paris, he fires Og into space by blowing up some hot dog stands under the tower. Once in space, Jjaro imprison Og forever, as he secretly is a Wr'kncater. Meanwhile, the supernatural child is still alive...

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William Darkk, head of the Darkklight Entrepenurial Federation
"Strategic warfare" is code for "killing civilians", and it's my calling. Yeah, it's barbaric. War's supposed to be.

The lizard uses his temperal distortion weapon from U4E, fires one shot 10 feet from himself, and fires the other way into the sky, aiming somewhere in another galaxy. He then activates the temperal protection field and steps into the pocket of null space. Will he hasve enough ammo to survive the trip between portals?

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Just becuase I'm evil doesn't mean I'm not nice.

He never finds out. The supernatural child has an airblast from U4e, and uses it to push the lizard away from the portal, and into a nearby slime pit. The lizard, however, is set up to heal in slime, and goes after the supernatural kid...

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William Darkk, head of the Darkklight Entrepenurial Federation
"Strategic warfare" is code for "killing civilians", and it's my calling. Yeah, it's barbaric. War's supposed to be.

...while the Obish third primary armady jumps in and lays waste to 65.754% of the P'fhor troopers. Meanwhile, spaceman Og...

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We don't go to hell,
memories of us do.
And if you go to hell,
I'll still remember you.

...does nothing, as he was frozen forever.

The Nar, wanting to kill the Pfhor themselves, angrily attack the Obish with their planet-sized, coal powered battlewagons. The supernatural kid, wishing to handle the Obish himself, summons the Nebulons to distract the Nar...

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William Darkk, head of the Darkklight Entrepenurial Federation
"Strategic warfare" is code for "killing civilians", and it's my calling. Yeah, it's barbaric. War's supposed to be.

A narr finds himself with the shrinker aimed at the lizard, he stupidly uses the PRIMARY FIRE and enlarges the lizard to a huge size, the lizard isn't dead for some reason, probably becuase he isnt' human mortal. Can anyone stop the huge lizard now!?

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Just becuase I'm evil doesn't mean I'm not nice.

Meanwhile, Spaceman Og's W'rkncacnter friends fly out of several stars on a mission to rescue their friend, Spaceman Og, who is a W'rkncacnter

(And my spelling for W'rkncacnter is much closer that Darkk's...)

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Subcommander g'Var "8 Lightnings" Krai'un
Second in command of the Escort Starbeam.
"CRUISER DESTROYED. 91 remaining" -Ares, chapter 9, Hand Over Fist

The Lizard catches up with the Supernatural kid and shoots it several times in the head. Nothing happens. The monster is invincible.

The Kid, in the true Republican Spirit, goes out to kill anyone who's not a White Protestant Anglo-Saxon. This includes the ALL the Aliens in this topic, who....


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"We ought to make the Pi higher!" -George W. Bush
[url="http://"http://www.drippingchipmunk.com"]DrippingChipmunk.com[/url]
[url="http://"http://www.downwithbush.net"]DOWNWITHBUSH.NET[/url]
[url="http://"http://www.jonpearse.f2s.com/ev3/ev3_quotes.php"]#EV3 QUOTE ARCHIVE [/url]

...Make a joke about WASPS.

"So, there's these 2 bees, and they are looking for flowers, and one of them says "hey, over there!" And the other is like, "What?", and the other bee says "it's a batmitzvah, over there! They always have flowers at those!" Then that bee puts on a yamakah, and the other bee asks "Why are you doing that!?", and the other bee says, "I don't want to look like a wasp." "

Get it!?

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Just becuase I'm evil doesn't mean I'm not nice.

The supernatural kid laughs maniacally, but not at the joke. Instead, he laughs at an image of himself in a funhouse mirror, which he created out of his powers, 1 cup air, and two cups dirt. It distracts him, some might say fatally, for about ten minutes.

Meanwhile, Spaceman Og is thawed and given the nickname of Iceman Og. He is given a haircut and a shave before being sent back to earth, where he co-stars in the movie "Top Gun".

The Lizard finds a rock to sun himself on.

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"Loyalty to a petrified opinion never broke a chain or freed a human soul."
--Samuel Clemons

[This message has been edited by Idiot_box (edited 01-16-2001).]

The Lizard finds the rock to be the best he ever basked on, especially since he could see the Supernatural Kid from there.

But the Kid was invincible, and the Lizard's sniper rifle could do no good.

Then he got an idea. Something invincible would destroy something invincible.

But what was there that was invincible? As he thought this, the Lizard looked at the Pit were the remains of Mecha Strom Thurmond lay....

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"We ought to make the Pi higher!" -George W. Bush
[url="http://"http://www.drippingchipmunk.com"]DrippingChipmunk.com[/url]
[url="http://"http://www.downwithbush.net"]DOWNWITHBUSH.NET[/url]
[url="http://"http://www.jonpearse.f2s.com/ev3/ev3_quotes.php"]#EV3 QUOTE ARCHIVE [/url]

The road, not liking Republicans (or Democrats, it's a Rand-friendly road), gives the lizard a piece of itself to use as a bullet. The lizard puts this in its robar, and then fires it at the kid. The two immense forces impact, but the road-lizard combo is stronger, and the kid is dispatched in a massive Akira-Toryama (if I spelled that right, I'd be amazed) energy effect the diameter of a large asteroid. It takes out a large portion of the Atlantic Ocean, causing torrential rains as the steam cools down and goes through the water cycle...

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Never fly in front when attacking a Jjaro ship. -Me

...poisoning everyone. Everyone dies. The lizard, left with no targets,...

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We don't go to hell,
memories of us do.
And if you go to hell,
I'll still remember you.

The Lizard commits suicide, hoping to respawn in a place were there are people to shoot...

------------------
"We ought to make the Pi higher!" -George W. Bush
[url="http://"http://www.drippingchipmunk.com"]DrippingChipmunk.com[/url]
[url="http://"http://www.downwithbush.net"]DOWNWITHBUSH.NET[/url]
[url="http://"http://www.jonpearse.f2s.com/ev3/ev3_quotes.php"]#EV3 QUOTE ARCHIVE [/url]

The Lizard respawns in New York City, which didn't even notice the radioactive water that had killed most of the people on the Northeastern seaboard of the US. The lizard spots...

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Never fly in front when attacking a Jjaro ship. -Me

people BLATTing out things, which is to say...

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"We ought to make the Pi higher!" -George W. Bush
[url="http://"http://www.drippingchipmunk.com"]DrippingChipmunk.com[/url]
[url="http://"http://www.downwithbush.net"]DOWNWITHBUSH.NET[/url]
[url="http://"http://www.jonpearse.f2s.com/ev3/ev3_quotes.php"]#EV3 QUOTE ARCHIVE [/url]

complete bullsh*t. The lizard, finding no people, concentrates on destroying the moon. The man on the moon, finds this annoying, and...

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We don't go to hell,
memories of us do.
And if you go to hell,
I'll still remember you.

The Man on the Moon sends his eleet force or Radar Men to destroy the Lizard.

------------------
"We ought to make the Pi higher!" -George W. Bush
[url="http://"http://www.drippingchipmunk.com"]DrippingChipmunk.com[/url]
[url="http://"http://www.downwithbush.net"]DOWNWITHBUSH.NET[/url]
[url="http://"http://www.jonpearse.f2s.com/ev3/ev3_quotes.php"]#EV3 QUOTE ARCHIVE [/url]

The radar men, like others, use the incredible weaponry of mispelling and a defensive shielding system of bad grammar. This would normally destroy any other lizard, but this particular lizard has the awesome power of the Spellchecker defense and the Payed Attention In English Class (PAIEC) beam weapon. The Radar men fall before the lizard's supreme power.

Meanwhile, Actor Og lands another another job in Hollywood. The job does not satisfy his needs for high-speed nuking and mastedon, however, so he quits, taking his former workplace out in a massive fireball. Caveman Og grins.

[Heh. I'm thinking about building an actual Caveman Og webpage, using some of the info used in this thread. If there is enough support, I'll start in a couple weeks.]

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"Loyalty to a petrified opinion never broke a chain or freed a human soul."
--Samuel Clemons

The Nebulons finally arrive, and along the way, they have aqcuired 3,667,456 ships, bringing the total up to 3,667,458 ships. All prepare to fire upon the Lizard. They all power up, and fire simultaneously at the lizard's head.

The Lizard scratches...

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-Pallas Athene of Dysian Beta, Obish Consensus Representative
-Nieru Dast, {M}ilitia Aeriane
-Danae Vernius
"Cheaters don't really win, and winners don't really cheat. Unless you're talking politics." -Durandal

The Lizard slows down time so he could dance to the sound of whales mating before he died...


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"We ought to make the Pi higher!" -George W. Bush
[url="http://"http://www.drippingchipmunk.com"]DrippingChipmunk.com[/url]
[url="http://"http://www.downwithbush.net"]DOWNWITHBUSH.NET[/url]
[url="http://"http://www.jonpearse.f2s.com/ev3/ev3_quotes.php"]#EV3 QUOTE ARCHIVE [/url]

Then realizes they were Nebulon weapons, and stops slowing down time because the weapons have already dealt their "deadly" damage. The lizard snipes a Nebulon ship. The bullet creates a hole but bounces away to hit another ship. Repeat. Every single Nebulon ship now has at least one hole, and the bullet is still bouncing between them, making more holes...

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-Pallas Athene of Dysian Beta, Obish Consensus Representative
-Nieru Dast, {M}ilitia Aeriane
-Danae Vernius
"Cheaters don't really win, and winners don't really cheat. Unless you're talking politics." -Durandal

The now very holy nebulon ships pack up and start a monastery off in the Farlax cluster. They instead now worship the mighty Potato Grub.

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Ne Cede Malis Sed Contra Audientor Ito

The lizard eats the grub just as the ships leave. Hey, a lizard's gotta eat, too!

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"Loyalty to a petrified opinion never broke a chain or freed a human soul."
--Samuel Clemons