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Mindcircus

This story is dedicated in honor of lilyrei, who will be celebrating her thirtieth (plus or minus a few) birthday today.

Yomu woke up with a shout. As he rose to a sitting position, the pain in his gut also rose with a burning fury, and his shout turned into an awkwardly garbled scream.

“Ah, you’re awake,” sounded a familiar voice.

Yomu blinked, temporarily unable to see in the dim light of the candles set around the windowless room. Wrapped around him was a thin woolen blanket, and his knapsack was lying beneath his head. The smell of warm food made his stomach growl, and he abruptly remembered he had been hungry. But why had he been sleeping? And why did his chest hurt?

“Welcome back,” said the man that looked like a blurry version of Shanadar, as he knelt next to Yomu. “Are you feeling better now?”

“What happened?” Yomu asked.

“You don’t remember?” The first voice replied. Yomu wasn’t able to make out the identity of the speaker yet, but he guessed it was Avatara, given the blue woman leaning against him.

Yomu thought for a moment. “I remember coming to buy some candles, and then finding a cooking contest going on, but not much after that.” His stomach growled again, and he looked around frantically. “Hey! What happened to my sandwich?”

“I can tell you what happened,” offered another female. Yomu looked over to see Moonshadow munching away on a juicy red fruit. “You woke up screaming, then looked around confused and asked what happened to your sandwich,” she said helpfully before taking another bite of fruit.

“No, I think he wants to know what happened before that,” Avatara pointed out.

“Oh,” Moonshadow sounded disappointed. “I’ve been too busy to pay attention recently, so I don’t really know.”

Perhaps I can be of assistance, my little mouse. The hair on the back of Yomu’s neck stood up as the voice spoke inside his head. He turned to see Firecat slowly walking towards him.

“You saw what happened?” Yomu asked hesitantly. He wasn’t sure he could trust the furry beast, but he also really wanted to eat a sandwich.

Why, you went on a little adventure of course! Firecat replied, baring his teeth.

“I guess you could call it that,” Avatara muttered.

“An adventure?” Yomu frowned.

Well then, let me show you…

A chill wind blew through the night air, sending a shiver down Yomu’s spine. The full moon had just managed to escape from the grasp of the clouds, illuminating the rooftop as he followed along behind Retsy.

Below them, a fairly sizable crowd was still milling through the market, despite the late hour. At various stands, patrons would gather to enjoy a warm meal and socialize.

“There!” she whispered, pointing at a well-lit stall on the edge of the marketplace. Two men leaned against the open store frame, watching all of the people passing by with a wary look. A man robed in an elaborate purple robe was talking to a mustached portly customer; the two of them huddled over a table with a burning oil lamp and a large lump in the shape of a jar, covered with a brown cloth.

“What are we looking for again?” Yomu asked.

“See that brown lump that looks like a jar? It contains a very valuable substance,” Retsy turned to look at Yomu and grinned. “We’re here to take it.”

“All right,” Yomu said unenthusiastically. It looked like an ordinary sack to him. “How do we do this?”

“We’ll have to be very quick and precise,” Retsy’s face turned serious. “Stealth is the utmost importance. If the guards hear us, we’ll have a fight on our hands!” she said while pointing to the two men who were pretending to be disinterested in the crowd. “Also, there are several hidden traps in the area. We’ll need to make sure we don’t step on any concealed runes or we’ll be caught,“ her voice dropped to a whisper and she looked directly into Yomu’s eyes, “Or worse.”

“So, avoid the big bad guys, step carefully, and don’t make noise. Got it. Anything else?” Yomu asked.

“Just follow my lead,” Retsy said winking and she secured her rope to the edge of the roof above their target.

The night grew suddenly quiet as the conversation below them came to a lull. Yomu struggled to control the trembling of his hands as he fastened his rope to the edge of the roof. He looked up at Retsy, but she was busy eying their prey, her face intent on the dangerous mission ahead.

“I’m ready,” he whispered, wincing at how loud his voice sounded to him.

She nodded once and whispered back, “Let’s go!” before grabbing the slack in her rope and hopping off the roof.

Yomu followed somewhat slower, making sure his rope didn’t rub too loudly against the edge of the roof, before beginning his descent as quietly as possible.

“Ala-la-la-la-la-la!” Retsy yipped as she spun down the rope and landed on the ground. All four men in the stall stopped and turned to stare at her. Without missing a beat, she unhooked a round metal buckler from her belt and tossed it at the closest bodyguard. The guard ducked, barely avoiding the disk, only to have it sever through the rope behind him. The shield bounced off the wall and cut through two more cords tied to the canvas overhang, bringing the whole stall front on top of the two hapless guards.

“What part of this is quiet?” Yomu hissed as he landed heavily on the ground, nearly twisting his ankle. As he regained his balance, he heard the sudden growling of angry dogs behind him, and froze. Cautiously turning his head ever so slightly to peek over his shoulder, he saw three black canines with spiked metal collars baring their teeth at him.

“Nice puppies!” Yomu said, backing away slowly, only to stumble over something on the ground behind him. He fell onto the ground, sending the metal pan skidding away, flinging what looked like strips of raw meat through the air, where they landed scattered all across the ground. The dogs growled even louder, baring their fangs in what he imaged to be an angry gesture. Yomu found himself unable to move as they crept closer to him.

“I’ve got it! Run!” Retsy’s voice snapped him out of his reverie. Yomu scrambled to his feet and took off after Retsy.

The little girl was giggling with delight as she swung the bagged jar around. The robed man moved to intercept her, but she ducked and slid under his legs and beyond his grasp. She dodged to the right, slipping by the client that had dove to grab her, before jumping over the fallen storefront and dashing out into the open marketplace.

Yomu ran frantically behind her, the beasts nipping at his heels. One of the bodyguards had managed to free himself from the debris and scored a lucky hold on Yomu’s shirt as he tried to run past. Yomu managed to twist himself free, barely dodging a drooling jaw in the process, and broke out into the market close behind Retsy.

Shoppers stopped to turn and stare at the two thieves racing through the market square, the robed owner shouting angry obscenities after them.

“What’s in that jar anyway?” Yomu asked as they cut through a cheese vendor’s stall and crashed through a table of apples. The fruit vendor scowled at them from behind her apron, but only briefly before the three dogs hopped over the falling apples and smashed into her other table.

Retsy glanced back with an expression that made Yomu feel as if the answer should have been obvious. “Why, it’s milk of course.”

Yomu stopped in shock. “Milk? We’re doing this for a jar of milk?”

“It’s quite delicious,” Retsy replied, licking her lips.

“Don’t you think this is a bit much?”

“Some things are worth fighting for,” Retsy shrugged, before continuing her escape. She exited the marketplace and ducked down a side alley.

Yomu reluctantly followed, but he had fallen behind a few dozen paces. By the time he had exited the market, the dogs were back on his trail, howling with fury. Quickening his pace, he reached the corner of the house and turned, only to collide with a handful of city guards waiting for him. Panicking, Yomu backed up and turned around, only to find the dogs had him trapped.

“Well then, looks like it’s our turn to have a little fun,” the lead guard said, cracking his knuckles.

And that, my little mouse, is how I ended up with a free dinner. Firecat’s voice rang out triumphantly.

“Your flashback was way too long!” Avatara complained.

“I don’t remember any of that at all!” Yomu protested. He turned to Shanadar, “Did I really get caught stealing a jar of milk?”

Shanadar frowned in thought for a moment. “I don’t recall hearing anything about a commotion at the market.”

“It’s all nonsense anyway,” K said, interrupting. When Yomu turned to look at her, she continued, “Retsy isn’t like that at all. She’s much more of a…romantic.” Yomu wasn’t quite sure, but it almost looked like her face was turning purple.

“A romantic?” He asked skeptically.

“Yes. What really happened between you wasn’t some kind of crazy adventure. In fact, you never even left the room!”

“So what did happen? All I remember was that she jumped down from the podium and grabbed my shirt.”

“Yes she did,” K said grinning. “But the best part is what happened next…”

Retsy stood staring at Yomu with a fistful of his collar in hand. The red scented candles shone brightly around them, illuminating just the two of them in the otherwise darkened room.

“You know, there’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you for a long time,” Retsy said.

“Yes?” Yomu couldn’t help but smile as he looked up at the beautiful girl in front of him.

“I’ve watched you as you’ve travelled on your adventures. I’ve seen you save the world over and over. You’re one of the most honest, noble people I’ve ever met.” Retsy’s breathing began to quicken, and she leaned closer. “I’ve always dreamed of meeting someone like you. Someone I could…”

Yomu’s heart was racing now. He scrambled to think of what he could say – anything he could say, but his mind had almost completely shut down and he couldn’t think of anything except what was happening to him right now.

“There’s something I want to ask you,” Retsy blushed and averted her face for a moment, before working up the resolve to look back at him. Their eyes met, sharing a common understanding.

“Yes?” Yomu barely managed to keep his voice from cracking with anticipation.

Retsy leaned in closer, only inches away from his ear. “Would you like to…” she dropped her voice to a barely audible whisper. “I mean…”

This was it! This was the moment he had been hoping to experience all of his life. His heart pounded heavily as he waited for the magic words.

Retsy took a deep breath, mustered all of her resolve, and blurted out, “Would you like to slit our wrists together and become blood siblings?”

“Okay, that’s enough out of you!” Avatara said, clamping his hand over K’s mouth. She was giggling with excitement over the disturbing fantasy playing out in her imagination.

Yomu just stared blankly at them with a mixture of shock and revulsion. “I…wha-?”

“I don’t shink Retshy is much of sha romantick type,” Moonshadow said from her position lying near her fruit bowl. She hiccupped once and closed her eyes, going back to sleep.

“Okay guys. What really happened?” Yomu asked. He was beginning to feel irritated with all of the games.

“All right. All right. I’ll tell you,” Avatara said. “Here is what really happened…”

Dark storm clouds filled the sky, nearly obscuring the full moon hovering above the horizon. A heavy wind blew, sending huge waves crashing upon the cliffs along the shoreline. Frigid water sprayed into the air with the violent battering of the ocean against the rocks.

Retsy stood alone at the edge of a cliff. The ground around her dropped over a hundred feet straight down into the raging ocean beneath. Lightning flashed across the sky, but she didn’t see it. Her gaze was focused on her opponent. Nothing else mattered.

“SELAX!” She screamed as thunder boomed across the sky. Gathering her magic around her, she slowly lifted off into the air, flying towards the robed elemental rising to meet her. “THIS ENDS NOW!” she called out as another flash of lightning speared across the sky above them.

Selax rose until his face was level with hers. His gray eyes glowed from underneath his hood, burning with fury and hatred. He slowly drew his sword and let out a challenge of his own. “Don't be ridiculous!” he said, in a voice that sounded strangely like Shanadar’s.

“Yomu isn’t even in your flashback!” Shanadar continued.

“I didn’t see you interrupting the others,” Avatara complained.

“The poor man has suffered enough, its time we tell him the truth,” Shanadar said.

“Fine then. You tell him what happened!” Avatara said grumpily.

Shanadar was silent for a moment. Then, looking a little flushed, he admitted “I’ve been so focused on catching up with everything I missed while I was gone, that I haven’t really paid any attention to what happened while I was here.”

Yomu sighed in frustration. His stomach let out another growl, and his thoughts drifted to dreaming about his missing sandwich.

“I’ll tell you what happened!” Wizard piped up from behind his steaming pot.

“You will?” Yomu asked skeptically.

“Certainly,” Wizard said as he lifted the lid and dipped in a ladle. He blew on the steaming stew for a moment before tasting it. “Ah, delicious!”

Yomu cleared his throat.

“Where was I? Ah yes, I remember now! She kicked you in the stomach and ran off with your sandwich. You must’ve blacked out from the pain,” Wizard looked somberly at Yomu. “I’m sorry, lad, but your sandwich is probably long gone by now.”

“Oh,” Yomu’s face fell in disappointment.

“Care for some stew? It’ll make you feel better,” Wizard offered.

“I guess,” Yomu grabbed a bowl and Wizard filled it from his pot. He filled his spoon with the steaming liquid, blew on it lightly to cool it off, and then stuck it in his mouth. “Hey, this is actually kind of good.”

“I told you it would be delicious, didn’t I?” Wizard smiled.

Oh man! I'm sooooo mad about how you used Yomu Av! Soooooooo mad!

More poetry! This is sort of a companion piece to the previous one, and takes place just after the end of For Whom the Bell Tolls.

"Kotodama: Pnyx"


In Pnyx,
I lay next to you on the flagstone, half-aware,
skin dyed with our own blood,
until they carry us away.
I wake the next day.
I, only I, wake.

I can conjure the water to cool your brow.
I can gather the magic of nature to ease your pain.
I cannot save you.

They say there is nothing to do but wait.
Instead, I stand dwarfed by shelves and shelves
of tomes, ancient and heavy with power.
If I must wait, I will not waste
the time granted me.
If the secret of alchemy exists, it is
here in these fading frail pages.

You sleep, not so many rooms away,
the linen over your stomach still turning red.

In Pnyx,
remote repository of learning:
knowledge lives in foundation stones,
resonates through brick and mortar walls
of this pyramid building.

There is magic here I cannot access.

Hours grow into days,
splinter and branch into
weeks, fragments of my life
spent so close and so far from you.
Nichi-youbi. Sun day. Days pass.
Getsu-youbi. Moon day. Nights pass.
Dawn blurs into dusk.

You are in a world beyond mine.
I fear I will crumble into dust,
disappear into the pages forever,
lost to time and memory.

In Pnyx,
I sit and hold your hand in mine.
You wake,
open your eyes and see me.
You utter my name.

I have searched in the wrong places.
Kotodama lives in the one word you give me.
If I could speak but three more,
perhaps I could save you.

In Pnyx,
I found you.

This post has been edited by iKaterei: 20 November 2011 - 11:54 PM

Excellent, as always, Katerei .

I'm going to bump this so I can write a brilliant parody that will amuse everyone and restore life to the boards.

Selax's addition to this topic was shorter than I anticipated.

Concise statements usually have more impact than long-winded ones .

In this case, I think a story or some sort of contribution would have a lot more impact than a simple bump.

Aw man, and I thought BMW had posted her story too.

Well, since you didn't specify if the contribution has to be long or (more importantly) good...


The Tale of 453

Once upon a time, there was a Cythera web board member named BreadWorldMercy453.

Activity on the web board was low, and only an amusing post from 453 in the GM topic could avert catastrophe.

453, however, would not post.

This made everyone very sad.

But did 453 care?

No, instead, she plotted a violent coup, planning to overthrow the moderators and establish an evil bunny dictatorship...

Lepocrats!

Cademia, approximately one year after the start of Out of Reflection, Into Reality

One beautiful day in Cademia, Shanadar woke as usual. He was exquisitely comfortable in his California king Sleep Number down featherbed. He stretched and let out a satisfied sigh. Life didn't get better than this.

Shanadar leapt from his perfect bed and across his gigantic bedroom. He dressed in his 400 sf closet, then walked out onto his personal balcony to greet the day.

"Good morning, Cademia!" he called out. Bustling around the streets below him, the Cademia citizens were also enjoying the day. Shanadar waved brightly to various citizens he recognized. About a block away, and about eye-level to Shanadar's third-storey balcony, Shanadar noticed his friend Katerei drifting peacefully in her magenta-coloured hot air balloon. Shanadar waved to her too, and she waved back. Also in the distance, a brightly-coloured train pulled into Cademia, carrying travellers to and from the city. With a pang of sadness, Shanadar remembered the days when Cademia was locked down, severely limiting the travel and exploration that brought joy to so many people's lives.

Why had Cademia been locked down anyway? Shanadar pondered as he wandered down to his dining room. There he thought of nothing but the gourmet meal that awaited him.

---------------------------------------------------

At the edge of Cademia, Silverfish also had his own palace, though his was somewhat different from Shanadar's classic palace. Silverfish's was in the trees, connected by trapezes, and the majority of the structured building was an enormous well-stocked open-air kitchen.

Silverfish awoke this morning nestled against a branch of his favourite tree. Upon awaking, he somersaulted off his branch and landed on a large pillow on the structured floor beneath it. This pillow would be large enough for a tall man to stretch out on, but for Silverfish it was just ridiculously huge. And this particular room was full of these giant pillows. He rolled around the pillows a while, then swung off to the kitchen to fix breakfast.

---------------------------------------------------

On the other side of Cademia, Moonshadow lived in her own personal palace, which was full of silk, velvet, and sunbeams. She was getting ready for bed when her doorbell rang. She opened the front door to find Shanadar on her doorstep.

"Good morning!" Shanadar greeted her brightly.

"Ah Shanadar, what a pleasant surprise," replied Moonshadow warmly. "Won't you come in?"

"I shall!" declared Shanadar, and he followed Moonshadow as she walked drowsily into the sitting room. He sat down on one of her plush velvet sofas. "I hope you don't mind that I invited some of our friends over," he mentioned casually.

"Oh... well. I'm sure that's fine," Moonshadow replied dreamily.

"I just thought it would be fun to get together and talk about how great life is."

Moonshadow curled up on the sofa across from Shanadar. "Oh yes, quite so.." she murmured as she closed her eyes. The doorbell rang again and Moonshadow jerked awake. "Right-o!" she declared, and answered the door again.

"Good morning," said Rapierian (the ranger). "I understand I am expected to be here for a conversation."

"Hullo Rapierian, come in," Moonshadow invited, and before long, Silverfish, Katerei, and Talos all arrived.

Moonshadow went to the kitchen and poured everyone a cup of warm milk. She took the tray of drinks and returned to the sitting room to serve her guests.

"Ah coffee, perfect!" exclaimed Shanadar as he saw her.

Moonshadow blinked at him and glanced down at the cups of milk. "Oh, did you want coffee?"

Shanadar waved her off and accepted the milk. "So, has anyone else noticed improvements in overall life lately?"

"Absolutely!" answered Katerei. "Life is so much less stressful. Remember when all we could think about was saving the world from evil Selax?"

Everyone laughed at the memory. "Those were dark times," Rapierian agreed. "Remember all the doubles? It was impossible to tell who was real and who was an alternate. We couldn't trust anyone!"

"Uh Rapierian, you are one of the alternates," Shanadar reminded him.

"Huh, so I am. I wonder why I never returned to my own world?" Rapierian pondered.

"Why did you come here originally?" Moonshadow asked, her drowsiness starting to fade by having company over.

"To save the world from Selax and Wizard, of course."

"I was trying to do that too," Silverfish commented.

"Me too," agreed Katerei.

"Indeed, even I got into that," said Talos.

"I wonder want ever happened to them," said Moonshadow.

"They ceased being menacing," observed Silverfish.

"Yeah, no one even thinks about them anymore. They're lame," agreed Katerei.

Suddenly a figure materialized in front of them. As he materialized, the group recognized Selax.

"Greetings," said Selax.

"Hey, we were just talking about you!" said Shanadar.

"I know," replied Selax. "Just to clarify, you were not serious when you said I'm not menacing anymore, correct?"

"No," several people said at once.

"What have you done lately that's menacing?" asked Katerei. "We haven't seen you since the showdown at LandKing Hall a year ago."

"I do not appreciate that comment," Selax stated. "If you fully understood how tedious school has been lately, you would not even mention the idea of me doing anything else."

"School?" asked Moonshadow. "Didn't you graduate already?"

"I have 4.0 masters degrees in Evil Scheming and Mathematics, but now I'm going back to get my degree in Crustacean Studies."

Shanadar replied, "oh, are you going to save us from the crab people?"

"I do not appreciate that comment either. You cannot match the value of education. How do you think I took over the world?"

"Did you take over the world?" Silverfish asked. "I haven't noticed your influence lately."

"Well, I took over the other world," Selax clarified, "and I'll probably finish taking over this one once this semester is over. I am very busy with school."

"How long does it take to study crabs anyway?" asked Talos.

"One of my professors is insane," explained Selax. "I spent the entirety of last weekend in the library from open to close, working on my 80-page research paper. We did not find out about the project until Thursday, and it was due Monday. You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Maybe you should drop the class?" suggested Katerei.

"I would get a 'withdrawal' on my transcript. I have no choice but to meet my teacher's demands."

Moonshadow reasoned, "so pretty much your professor rules the world?"

"I intend to take over the world," Selax repeated, "but I probably won't have time until at least December."

"So this is why life has been so pleasant lately," Shanadar suggested. "Because Selax has been too busy to take over the world."

"What about evil Wizard?" pointed out Silverfish. "Wasn't he taking over the world too?"

"Yeah, whatever happened to him?" Talos agreed.

"I haven't seen Wizard lately," answered Selax. "I expect he is busy with various projects. I only hope he's actually doing his schoolwork."

"You know, I think it's more than just an absence of evil entities," spoke up Katerei. "I mean, I never used to have a mansion or a hot air balloon. How'd I get these things? Not that I'm complaining, it's just a bit mysterious."

"I think Katerei is right," said Moonshadow. "Void-travel used to be a tedious and exhausting venture. But now I can easily slip back into the world where I live, on a whim. It's not quite so easy to get back here though," she admitted.

"It's been easy for me to travel too," said Rapierian. "I can travel all over Cythera without getting tired or hungry or anything. It's very convenient."

"My energy level has been up, and I'm not sure where I got my recent luxuries either," added Shanadar. "It's as though the typical limitations of the world are gone."

"When I want something, I just imagine it and then I have it," explained Moonshadow.

"Me too!" the other heros agreed. Selax scowled, showing emotion for the first time.

"I want my teacher to be more reasonable. Why do I not get what I want?"

"Maybe because you have no imagination?" suggested Shanadar.

"I resent that," stated Selax. "I have imagined grand domination schemes. But these schemes take time - time I do not have."

"I don't know why you're struggling, but it wasn't always this great for me," said Katerei. "I remember times when I was sad or tired or lonely. Or even all three at once!"

"That makes sense," confirmed Silverfish. "Life never was perfect and there has always been pain to deal with. Until recently. Does anyone have any idea why it's changed?"

A silence fell for several minutes. Finally Talos spoke up.

"Maybe we should ask that dude Avatara?"

"Avatara? The alternate? What would he know?" asked Katerei in confusion.

"Doesn't he know everything?" asked Talos.

"Yeah, he's the only one who knows how to defeat evil-Rythan," Rapierian pointed out.

"Huh, you're right," realized Katerei.

Moonshadow nodded, "yes, he could explain what has happened to make the world more pleasant."

"For sure," agreed Silverfish.

"I agree," said Shanadar. "But the last time we saw him, he was heading for the portal to the alternate world, and that was ten months ago. How could we catch up with him?"

"My hot air balloon is probably not nearly fast enough," said Katerei sadly.

Suddenly a loud train whistle was heard through Moonshadow's open window, and a conductor shouted, "All aboard the Friendship Express!"

---------------------------------------------------

In the woods south-east of Cademia, Avatara, K, and necromancer-Rapierian were staying in a five-star hotel. Their accommodations included an enormous perfect-temperature swimming pool, Wi-Fi anywhere in the resort, a full spa, gourmet restaurants of every ethnicity you could think of (and room service, of course), a 13-storey extensive library, kitchens in every room, large flat-screen TVs with 1000-channel cable access, private jacuzzis, dry cleaning, and a shuttle to all the nearby tourist attractions. And best of all, it was all free due to their past heroic endeavors (or at least, they looked like famous heroes).

The three "heroes" were hanging out together, playing a game of poolside Canasta.

"Weren't we supposed to be doing something?" asked K as she picked up the deck and sorted through her hand.

"My Little Pony is a rerun today," Avatara reminded her.

"No, not that..." K pondered. "I mean before we checked into this hotel, weren't we supposed to do something?"

"Oh, just save the world," answered Rapierian with a wave of his hand. "But it was going to be destroyed anyway, so why bother?"

"What are you talking about?" K asked.

Rapierian ignored the question. "Discard."

K discarded, and Avatara drew a card. "Katerei, I believe you're thinking of severing the link between this world and our home world."

"Oh yes, that was it," K agreed.

"But that's not important anymore," Avatara explained.

"It isn't? It seemed really important at the time," K insisted.

"Well, it was," Avatara admitted, "theoretically severing that link would have restored Alaric, who could've banished the big bad guys who were harassing us. But the villains are busy with other stuff not, and they're really not hurting anyone, so we should just mind our own business."

K unwrapped a free chocolate and let it melt in her mouth. When she was done, she took a long drink of her virgin cocktail. "I'm glad that's over with then. What are the villains up to anymore anyway?"

"Oh various things," said Avatara. "Selax went back to school, Wizard opened up a daycare center for underprivileged children, and Rythan, who knows what he's doing, but he took to the Void and left the world."

"Isn't it possible then that they will recommence taking over the world when they are finished with their distractions?"

"Rythan could easily come back and destroy the world," Avatara agreed, "except that he's forgotten this world exists and is unlikely to remember it at this point. Wizard really has no interest in villainy anymore, and Selax will probably be busy with school for the rest of his life."

"So we really are safe from all evil then?" K asked.

"Of course!" responded Avatara.

"I thought so, it just feels safe," said K.

Rapierian was scowling. "Aren't you forgetting something?" he asked.

"Oh right, you're very, uh, evil and threatening.." said Avatara hastily.

"Not that. Discard!" growled Rapierian. Avatara discarded, and Rapierian drew a card and promptly laid down his hand and then stomped off.

"Was it something I said?" asked Avatara. K shrugged.

---------------------------------------------------

"You are on the Friendship Express number nine en route to the Alternate Dimension Portal!" said a cheery voice over the train's P.A. system. Silverfish and Shanadar were the ones who ultimately decided to board the train and search for Avatara. The others stayed behind to enjoy a lazy day. Silver and Shanadar though, felt that they'd be boarded up in Cademia for too long and needed a bit of travel.

"We are now approaching Resort Gorgeous!" continued the cheery P.A. voice. "Home to the five-star Wilderness Hotel! If you are looking for positively exquisite lodging, this is the stop for you! All passengers wanting to travel to the Alternate Dimension should please stay on. Thank you!"

Shanadar looked out the window as the train slowed down and pulled into the Resort Gorgeous station. "This place does look really nice," he commented. "Do you think we should stop here for a little rest?"

"Why not!" exclaimed Silverfish. And so the two got off the train and checked into the hotel.

They changed into swimming attire and then ran down to the pool. Silverfish had already dived in when Shanadar noticed Avatara and K sunbathing on the plush pool chairs.

"Oy, guys!" called out Shanadar. Silverfish poked his head out of the water and then, seeing Avatara and K, shook the water off his wings and flew over.

"Hey," said K, "what brings you two to Resort Gorgeous?"

"We have a question for you," said Shanadar, nodding to Avatara.

Avatara sat up, "what's that?"

"We're wondering why life is so pleasant lately when it used to be so difficult?"

"We were just talking about that," said K. "It's because the villains are busy with other stuff. Right?" she turned to Avatara.

"Actually it's a bit more complicated than that," said Avatara. "It's a deep question you ask, are you sure you want to know the answer?"

Silverfish shrugged and jumped back into the pool.

"Yes," said Shanadar. "All of us back in Cademia are very curious about this phenomenon."

Avatara sighed. "This life, this is the way it should be, don't you agree?"

Shanadar and K nodded vehemently.

"The reason we've had such hard pasts is that our lives were controlled by outside influences."

Shanadar raised his eyebrow, "what kind of outside influences?"

"It's hard to explain," said Avatara. "They're called writers."

"Writers?" asked K, getting interested.

"Yes, the writers controlled us and everything around us. Our pasts, our feelings, our abilities, and our worlds."

"I don't believe you," said Shanadar, "I've always controlled myself, I've never felt like anything was controlling me."

"Not ever?" persisted Avatara.

"Well, maybe upon sporadic occasions," admitted Shanadar.

"When you notice it, that's called character hijacking," Avatara explained. "That's when writers who are less experienced with who you are control you. But for the most part, the writers are very clever and match our experiences to what we believe."

Shanadar and K exchanged shocked expressions. "But why?!" exclaimed Shanadar. "Why would they torture us?"

Avatara said sadly, "for entertainment."

"But they're done now?" clarified K. "Forever?"

Avatara didn't answer. Shanadar cut in, "If they're so all-powerful, why did they stop?"

"The same reason why anyone stops anything," answered Avatara knowingly, "apathy."

---------------------------------------------------

And so the heroes lived a-happily-ever, never wanting for anything except fulfillment. The end.

The heroes shouldn't get too complacent.


One day, the writers will return and finish what they've started!

One day!

This story is called Adventures in Non-Profit Organizations. It's a spin-off of my last GM story, Raise the Roof. A few of the kids in this story are referred to by name, bonus points if you can remember who they are.

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As world domination fell out of fashion, Evil Wizard lost interest in taking over the world. Eventually he decided to start a daycare for underprivileged children. Kids simply liked him, and he had always been intrigued by early childhood education.

Evil Wizard toyed with the idea of charging a fortune for his childcare services, but he was already filthy rich from his world-domination days, and the tax benefits of running a non-profit organization were just too good to pass up. So he took in the underprivileged children and charged next to nothing. Thus began The Master's Doomsday Child Development Center.

At the moment, Evil Wizard was utterly exhausted and ready to collapse, having just played a round of Darebase with the kids. At least he had won. Evil Wizard could not stand losing. He sank down in his armchair, feeling very old and tired. Perhaps he could just take a short nap...

"Unicorn."

Evil Wizard did not respond, his eyes closed and his breathing steady. He felt a plushie nudge him in the face. "Unicorn," came a small voice again.

Still Evil Wizard ignored it, and the plushie began to nudge him repeatedly. "Unicorn, unicorn, unicorn, unicorn, unicorn, unicorn, unicorn, unicorn, unicorn, unicorn, unicorn, unicorn-"

Finally Evil Wizard could take it no more, and opened his eyes. As suspected, he was being attacked by a unicorn plushie, and it was wielded by one of the young girls in his care. "Hello, Mariya," said Evil Wizard drowsily.

"Unicorn," Mariya replied, whacking him with the plushie.

Evil Wizard realized he would have to fight back. There was really no alternative. He cast about for a weapon. There, on his desk, an old wolflizard his grandmother had repurposed from a pair of ugly green socks. It wasn't in great shape. But it would have to do.

"Wolflizard!" Evil Wizard announced, rubbing the sock-animal into Mariya's hair. Mariya screeched and backed away, but Evil Wizard pursued her, keeping the wolflizard pressed against her head and saying, "wolflizard, wolflizard, wolflizard."

Mariya tried to dodge under his reach and nudged the unicorn against his knees. "Unicorn, unicorn, unicorn!"

"Wolflizard, wolflizard," Evil Wizard called out over her.

From the hallway they heard another small voice call out, "Mariya! Where are you? Where is Mariya?"

"I'm in here!" called Mariya. "Unicorn!"

And in came the little girl who had called her. Enna was, as usual, dressed all in pink and carrying her plushie-replica of her pet Wolfie. Evil Wizard had sewn her the plushie to console her because she missed Wolfie dreadfully. (Evil Wizard had a strict no-pets policy.) Enna instantly recognized the game and waved her plushie in the air, "Wolfie, Wolfie, Wolfie!"

Mariya had gotten careless in her attack, and had lost her grip on the unicorn. Evil Wizard now grabbed it and waved it at Enna, "unicorn, unicorn, unicorn!"

Enna dodged away and squealed. "Run around in a circle!" she demanded. "Run in a circle!"

The idea of more running was so disagreeable to Evil Wizard, that he decided to cast an illusion of himself to run around with the little girls instead. Unnoticed, he quietly slipped back into his armchair...

The deception, however, did not last long, for when Enna threw Wolfie at the illusion and it went through him, they began to suspect something was up. They soon found him in the armchair and pestered him.

"Come on, run around!"

"Unicorn, unicorn!"

"Calm down, and I will tell you a story," Evil Wizard compromised.

"Yay, story time!" the girls cheered.

Their cheers were loud enough to attract attention, and quickly a crowd of children gathered around Evil Wizard, wanting to hear the story.

"Be quiet and listen," Evil Wizard ordered the crowd of children, and then glared at them until they responded, "yes, Master." Ah, he had trained them well. "Now, which story shall I tell you?" he pondered. "How about the story of how I took over the entire alternate Cythera dimension?"

"No!" the children protested. "You've told us that one a thousand times!"

"Would you like to hear about how the portal between dimensions was opened?"

"We've heard that a thousand times too!"

"A thousand-million!" some children exaggerated.

"What about how I took over Cademia and Land King Hall in this dimension and could still take over the entire world if I was so inclined?" suggested Evil Wizard. But that suggestion was met with a similar response.

"Tell us a new story!" one child spoke up.

"Yes! New story!" everyone agreed. Evil Wizard raised an eyebrow. A new story? He had already told them about all of his evil accomplishments, what more could they want? Excitement was building in the crowd. "New story! New story!"

Evil Wizard racked his brain. Perhaps he could just re-tell a folktale that they children hadn't heard before. That would be easy enough. These kids would be familiar with all the local folk-stories. But Evil Wizard had an excellent memory. He could vaguely remember a story from his homeland, it was about three animals, wasn't it?

"All right," conceded Evil Wizard. "I'll tell you a New Story. This is a story about three billy goats who lived in a brick house by the river."

"Goats don't live in houses," Mariya pointed out.

Evil Wizard explained, "this is one of those stories where animals behave kind of like people. Now, one morning, the mother billy goat made some porridge for breakfast-"

One of the children burst into laughter at that, and several others snickered or giggled. "The mother billy goat?!" the laughing girl asked.

Evil Wizard remembered that the girl, Retsy, was from a farm. Thus she probably knew something about goats. Evil Wizard didn't want to admit that he wasn't sure what a billy goat was. Had he remembered the story wrong?

"Er, say they weren't billy goats," Evil Wizard improvised. "Say they were giant slugs."

"Ew!" chorused the children.

"So one day," went on Evil Wizard, "the mother giant slug made porridge for breakfast."

"Do giant slugs eat porridge?" asked Mariya.

"Of course they do," answered Evil Wizard. "But the porridge was much too hot to eat right away, so the slugs went for a walk. Or at least, a mosey of some sort, not literally a walk, since slugs don't have legs. So they crossed the bridge over the river, and hung out on the other side of the river for a few minutes while their porridge was cooking. Meanwhile, a Big Bad Wolf happened to be walking through this area and came across the slugs' house."

Enna looked very put out. "Wolves aren't bad," she pouted, hugging her plushie.

"Some are," Evil Wizard corrected, "and this one was. Very bad."

"He wasn't a... a monster, was he?" whispered another little girl, named Cindy.

"In a manner of speaking," said Evil Wizard.

"Oh no," whimpered Cindy, hugging her knees and looking terribly frightened.

"The Big Bad Wolf had an awful sense of entitlement," continued Evil Wizard. "He believed that everything in the world belonged to him because he was strong. So when he found the house of the three giant slugs, he trespassed in to check it out. Inside, he found a table set with three bowls of porridge. Now, the Big Bad Wolf also had an insatiable appetite, in addition to his sense of entitlement. So, he tried the porridge. First he took a bite from the biggest bowl, which belonged to the Father Giant Slug. But it was too hot, and he couldn't eat it. Next he took a bite out of the middle-sized bowl, which belonged to the Mother Giant Slug. But that bowl had already begun to get cold, and cold porridge isn't even worth eating, so he abandoned that bowl too. Finally he took a bite out of the smallest bowl, which belonged to the Baby Giant Slug, and found that bowl of porridge to be the perfect temperature, and actually rather yummy!"

"Shouldn't the smallest bowl of porridge cool faster than the middle-sized bowl?" asked Enna.

"Baby Giant Slug's bowl was more insulated," Evil Wizard replied.

"Won't the slugs come back to eat their breakfast though?" Cindy asked. "The mother's has already gotten cold!"

"I'm getting to that. Yes, the giant slugs realized they had moseyed long enough, and so headed back home. But what they didn't realize was that a troll was now underneath the bridge, and it heard them, uh, oozing? across the bridge. Baby Giant Slug was the first one to cross because he had impeccable timing and knew that his porridge would now be the perfect temperature. As Baby Giant Slug was crossing the bridge, the troll jumped out and-"

"What's a troll?" interrupted Mariya.

"A kind of polyp," said Evil Wizard impatiently.

"Oh dear, another monster," whined Cindy, who buried her head in her arms.

"-And said 'OH-HO-HO, this is MY bridge and I shall DEVOUR you!'"

"EW!" the children screamed.

"Why would he want to eat a giant slug!" Retsy asked.

Evil Wizard explained, "to trolls, giant slugs are a valued delicacy. The Baby Giant Slug was terrified. He replied, 'surely you don't want to eat me, I am so small, I'm hardly a morsel. But my mother will be coming across soon, and she is much bigger than me. Why don't you eat her instead?' The troll thought this was a very wise idea, and so he let the Baby Giant Slug pass."

Now Mariya interrupted, "if he loved eating giant slugs so much, why didn't he just eat them both?"

"The troll was a compulsive over-eater," Evil Wizard invented, "and he was in a recovery group for it. He had to strictly keep a food diary and submit it to his sponsor every day, and he knew his sponsor would lecture him if he wrote 'two giant slugs.'"

Mariya was silent for a few seconds. Finally she asked, "what's a compulsive over-eater?"

Evil Wizard sighed. "Never mind that. The Mother Giant Slug wasn't far behind the Baby Giant Slug, and she heard this exchange. And she was very mad at the Baby Giant Slug for offering her to the troll to be eaten. As she crossed the bridge, the troll jumped out to eat her, but she managed to convince him to wait to eat her husband instead, who was bigger and yummier. Then she caught up to the Baby Giant Slug, disowned him, and kicked him out of the house.

"Inside, the Big Bad Wolf had finished eating the Baby Giant Slug's porridge, and he decided to rest for a bit. The Baby Giant Slug's chair was quite comfortable, but the Big Bad Wolf still didn't realize this home belonged to giant slugs, and giant slugs are only interested in chairs that are decomposing. So when the Big Bad Wolf sat down, the Baby Giant Slug's chair fell apart and the Big Bad Wolf hurt his bottom. He decided he should probably be on bed rest for the rest of the day, until he felt better, so he went upstairs to find a bed."

"I'm sure the giant slugs don't have beds," Enna announced. "Giant slugs are immune to sleep. Everyone knows that."

"Just because they don't sleep doesn't mean that they don't enjoy the finer luxuries of life - such as beds. As a matter of fact, each of the Giant Slugs had their own Sleep Number® bed, which the Big Bad Wolf found upstairs. The Big Bad Wolf had no experience with Sleep Number® beds, so he did not know how to adjust the firmness of the mattresses. Instead, he tried all of them and decided that the Baby Giant Slug's bed was the most comfortable, and he fell asleep there.

"Meanwhile, the Baby Giant Slug needed a new home, since his mother disowned him. There weren't any other houses for miles, so he built himself a house out of straw. Straw is easy to work with, so the construction was quick & easy."

"Was the Father Giant Slug eaten by the polyp-monster?" Retsy asked.

"No," answered Evil Wizard. "The Father Giant Slug was so powerful that he simply pushed the Troll into the river, and the Troll was whisked away by the current and never seen again." Cindy let out a sigh of relief. "But, the Father Giant Slug was furious that the Mother Giant Slug had left him to be eaten, so he kicked her out of the house and called a divorce attorney. The Mother Giant Slug was forced to build herself a house, for which she used sticks. She was too wise to build her house out of such flimsy material as straw, you see, and put in the extra effort to build with sticks.

"The Father Giant Slug now had the house to himself, though he didn't notice that some of the porridge had been eaten and one of the chairs was broken. He just ate his porridge and then watched sports. He never realized that there was a Big Bad Wolf sleeping upstairs. After a time, the Big Bad Wolf woke up, and he did not feel well at all. For one thing, he was sleeping in a giant slug's bed and he was very slimy. But more importantly, the ingredients that giant slugs use in their porridge is not good for wolves, and he had a nasty case of food poisoning. He even climbed out of the window in his urgency to get to the outhouse.

"Several days later, after he had recovered, the Big Bad Wolf returned to the Giant Slug house (now occupied only by the Father Giant Slug) for revenge. As he saw it, the Giant Slugs were responsible for hurting his bottom, getting him all slimy, and poisoning him. He thought these things were inexcusable. The Father Giant Slug answered the door, and the Big Bad Wolf said to him, 'Come out, foul beast, so I can defeat you in epic combat!' The Father Giant Slug asked why, and the Big Bad Wolf explained his offenses.

"The Father Giant Slug then said, 'I had no part in cooking the porridge, my wife and my son made that, so it is on them that you should get revenge. They do not live here anymore.' So the Big Bad Wolf left to find the Mother and Baby Giant Slugs.

"He first found the straw house belonging to the Baby Giant Slug. The Baby Giant Slug refused to come out to be killed, so the Big Bad Wolf was forced to knock the house down (which wasn't hard, he only had to blow on it a bit). But the Baby Giant Slug ran away to his mother's house before the Big Bad Wolf could kill him."

"How could a giant slug outrun a wolf?!" asked Enna.

"Oh, didn't I mention? The Big Bad Wolf was paraplegic and had to pull himself along the ground with his front legs."

"You know, these monsters aren't all that scary," said Cindy happily.

"Hold on," cut in Mariya, "he can't even walk, but he can climb out of a second-storey window?"

Evil Wizard frowned. "He didn't so much 'climb' as 'fall.' Now, do you want to hear this story or not?"

"Yes," said the children.

"So stop interrupting and listen!" snapped Evil Wizard. "The Big Bad Wolf crawled over to the Mother Giant Slug's house, but now neither of the Giant Slugs would come out to be killed. So the Big Bad Wolf had to knock down her house too, which took some effort, but he managed it. But then, of course, the Mother and Baby Giant Slugs ran away and sought refuge in their original house with the Father Giant Slug. The Big Bad Wolf chased after them, but none of them would come out to be killed, and try as he might, he just couldn't knock their house down. It was a sturdy brick house, you see.

"As the Big Bad Wolf futilely tried to knock down their house, the Giant Slugs realized that they had all now left each other to be killed by monsters, and so they all forgave each other and became a family again. They were getting annoyed by the Big Bad Wolf banging against their walls, so they decided to face him together. When the three Giant Slugs came out of the house and stood imposingly before the Big Bad Wolf, he noticed how repulsive and disgusting giant slugs truly are, and he screamed and crawled away as fast as he could. And he never broke into a stranger's house again. The end!"

Evil Wizard smiled triumphantly at the children, who blinked back at him silently. In some corner of the room, a cricket chirped. Accursed crickets.

"Why did the slugs forgive each other?" Cindy asked after a long silence.

"Because, sometimes you have to forgive people who throw you out to the wolves. And that," decided Evil Wizard, "is the moral of the story. Did you like it?"

"No," said Mariya simply.

"It was yucky," declared Retsy.

"And weird," said Enna.

"And scary," added Cindy.

"Won't you tell us a story about fairy princesses?" asked Mariya.

Evil Wizard was starting to get angry. "No! That was your story and now it's over. So there. It's naptime now, go to bed."

With some grumbling and muttering about Evil Wizard's lack of storytelling ability, the children got up and stalked off to bed. Unfortunately, Evil Wizard had no time for a nap himself, as the daycare had a board meeting scheduled that afternoon.

After tucking the kids in, Evil Wizard went across the building to the conference room, where he found The Master's Doomsday Child Development Center's board of the directors already seated at the conference table.

The board of directors, AKA The Hand, were good people. Or at least, they were good evil henchmen. Evil Wizard nodded to Jacob, Ral, Krys, Kain, and Scry. "I've had a long morning," he explained, "so let's be fast and maybe I can get something done before the kids wake up."

Jacob cleared his throat, "well, the main thing we need to discuss today is, uh, leadership."

"Leadership?" asked Evil Wizard. "What do you mean? Leadership of what?"

"Leadership of the daycare center."

"I'm not resigning, I'm just tired," said Evil Wizard irritably.

"It's not an issue of resignation," Ral spoke up.

"Yes," Jacob agreed. He looked at his hands, "Master... we've voted you out."

"You WHAT?" asked Evil Wizard.

Scry repeated Jacob, "we've voted you out. You no longer have any position in The Master's Doomsday Child Development Center."

Evil Wizard sputtered a bit. "But... I built this organization. It's mine! I put my heart and soul into it! Or at least, I would've, if I had such things. How could you do this?!"

Kain explained, "as the board of directors, we have every right to vote out the founder, for any reason or for no reason at all."

"In fact, the vote was unanimous," added Krys.

"So you're voting me out just because you can," spat Evil Wizard.

"Actually, we're concerned about you running a daycare," admitted Jacob. "You have a history of kidnapping and brainwashing children."

"And turning them into psychopathic evil henchmen," said Scry.

Evil Wizard fumed. "So just because of that, you think I'm a bad daycare provider?!" The injustice of it all was infuriating, but rationally Evil Wizard knew there was nothing he could do, so he got up and left.

He wandered around for a bit, wondering what he should do with his life now that he was bored of taking over the world, and removed from running a daycare. As it happened, he walked in front of a building labelled Discovery Laboratories and noticed a sign on the front window. The sign read:

Now hiring:
-Mad genius
-Night janitor

Evil Wizard paused in front of the sign. Then, slowly, he smiled. He opened the door and entered the building.

(He'd always wanted to be a janitor.)

The scariest part about this story is the fact that Wizard commented that the end was like Wizard...

Another amusing tale, 453.

Today I discovered a hidden cache (pun!) of old Cythera character drawings. As an artist, I'm obliged to cringe when looking at my old art, but with a bit of prompting from our friendly local moderator Avatara, I decided to share them with you. All characters are mine unless otherwise noted.

Some characters who were written out long ago

Sya



Amadeus



Taj Lykaon (the early hero of the celebratory 100th chronicle, technically not written out but a one-use character)



Dheiva



Group shot, from left to right: Lemni, Dheiva, Indigo, Katerei, Sya, (I honestly don't know but it might have been Renae, a chron-only character), Amadeus, Silvre at the bottom



Ferazel and Callie (owned by ferazel_09)




The Ronin (owned by cache22)

Trinias



Leandra



Sasha




Moving into more recent history

Alice



Alice close-up



Retsy (owned by BreadWorldMercy453)



Avatara (For Whom the Bell Tolls era, owner obvious)



Katerei (For Whom the Bell Tolls era)



Katerei (prior to Bell Tolls)

Excellent work, as always, Katerei .



I think 453 needs to write something for this topic. She's gone 6 months without posting something humorous here.

This Out of Reflection fanfic is in honour of Tyry's birthday. It is called The Molasses Murderer (thanks to Kat for the title idea).

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"Where are you off to in such a hurry?" Mister Wizard asked a snail who was oozing around the ground in front of him.

The snail ignored him, merely continuing on at the alarming speed of nearly ten inches an hour. Snails these days! Busy, bustling little things, always running hither and thither as though the sky were falling. Why, back when Wizard was a boy-!

Wizard's thoughts were interrupted by a messenger running up to him. If you thought the snails were fast, you should see these messengers! Flat-out uncouth! Wizard recognized this particular Saltwax Postal Service employee as one of his previous protégés, Jacob.

It's not that I dislike you as a person, Jacob," Wizard had explained when firing him, "but after twenty years of devoted service, I just don't think you have what it takes to be an evil henchman. But I'd be happy to find a place for you in Saltwax Industries, or, if you'd prefer, I could write you a shining letter of recommendation for a different employer."

"There are no other employers," Jake pointed out. "Saltwax Industries has taken over the entire world."

"You've got a point there," Wizard conceded. "You know, back when I was boy, there were dozens of different masters that a qualified young man such as yourself could choose from!"

"Right," agreed Jacob drily. "But now there aren't."

Why, that almost sounded disrespectful, thought Wizard, staring at Jacob.

"Because you took over the world," added Jacob flatly.

Wizard's blank stare turned into a dangerous glare.

Jacob jumped back. "Er, did I say that out loud?"

"No," stated Wizard angrily.

"Oh. I'll, ah, I'll take a Saltwax job, sir. In fact, I was thinking a nice desk job would be pleasant..."

Wizard cackled.

Presently, Jacob stood before Wizard in his messenger uniform.

"Mister Wizard, sir, message from He Who is too Important to Speak His Name," announced Jacob.

Wizard sighed. What did Selax want now? They had taken over the world, they had retired in luxury. Don't tell him Selax was still moping about accessing the Void and taking over other worlds?

"Yes?" Wizard asked.

Jacob avoided eye contact. "He Who is too Important to Speak His Name says you are to meet him at the Catamarca Manor ASAP so that he can speak with you face to face."

"Bah!" declared Wizard. "Lazy, arrogant, evil overlord! Paranoid, scheming, workaholic! Bah! And what will happen if I refuse?"

"Er," said Jacob uncomfortably, "he will kill you effortlessly."

Wizard glared at nothing in particular.

"Shall I deliver a reply, sir?" asked Jacob, looking terrified at the thought.

"Yes," grumbled Wizard. "Tell him I shall be there soon."

"Soon, sir?" Jacob asked doubtfully.

"Precisely."

"Right. Okay," said Jacob, and took off as though he were in a race.

"One more thing," added Wizard (telepathically, as Jacob was already too far away to hear him speak out loud). "Don't rush about so!"

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Six months later, Wizard remembered his promise to call on Selax at the Catamarca Manor (the citadel had been greatly expanded to become a highest-luxury vacation home for Selax). Wizard knew Selax was serious about wanting to talk to him face-to-face (call it a hunch... no wait, it was that Selax was never anything but serious), so Wizard reluctantly decided he'd better start heading over to Catamarca. Wizard himself lived in Pnyx, so he had quite the journey ahead of him. Nine hours later, he headed out the door...

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(Five years later)

"You're late," commented Selax, as Wizard finally arrived in Catamarca. Selax was sunbathing on an extremely elegant pool chair on his own private beach. (Note: all the beaches in Cythera are his own private beaches. It's very bad for tourism.)

"I am?" asked Wizard in surprise. "I came as fast as I could."

"This does not surprise me," stated Selax. "I considered your speed when I summoned you, and thus cleared my schedule for the next decade, to be safe."

"It would have been much easier to just chat via telepathy," Wizard pointed out.

"We've been over this before," said Selax flatly. "It is not secure enough. You need to work on your telepathy security."

"Oh yeah, I've been meaning to download an upgrade," Wizard confessed.

Selax went on, "as it is, the only way for us to openly communicate without fear of being overheard, is face to face."

"How can you be certain that there are no eavesdroppers?" Wizard pondered.

"I've set up a powerful rune," explained Selax. "Anyone who comes within half a mile of me, besides you, will die instantaneously."

Wizard frowned and nodded, a bit impressed. "Did you warn your servants before preparing the rune?"

"Why would I bother to do that?" asked Selax. Then he considered for a moment. "... yes, that might have been a good idea. Oh well."

Wizard glanced around uneasily. He couldn't see any bodies, but his eyesight wasn't what it used to be, and his telepathy wasn't very good at detecting dead people. "What do you want? I need to get back home - I think I left the stove on."

"That is simple. I want you to kill someone for me."

Wizard sighed. "Really? You could easily kill whomever you want, you don't need my help for that."

"How would it look if I personally killed everyone who annoyed me?" pointed out Selax. "Like a dragon snapping at gnats!" Selax laughed. Or rather, being incapable of emotion, he faked a laugh. It was awkward. "No, no," he concluded, "that's what I have minions for."

"Minions?!" roared Wizard. "I am not your minion! We are equal partners in evil domination!"

Selax raised an eyebrow. (Note: I'm not sure if Selax actually has eyebrows. Maybe Sely will comment on here and clear that up for us - does Selax have eyebrows? Thanx) "Surely you know that our contract is no longer valid?"

"No longer valid?" repeated Wizard angrily. "I'm calling my lawyer!" he declared, fixing to contact Radik via telepathy.

"I wouldn't do that," Selax commented. "My rune is very powerful (over-powered, some might say). Anyone contacted by telepathy from within the rune will suffer the effects of the rune. Basically: your lawyer will die instantaneously if you contact him right now."

Wizard seethed. "Say I agree to help you out here, which I don't, whom do you want to kill anyway?"

"Avatara. He refused to provide assistance for me, which is inexcusable, plus he has repeatedly tried to kill me, which is irritating. He must die."

Wizard asked, "what assistance did he refuse to provide for you?"

"That is top-secret information which is given out only on a need-to-know basis," said Selax sternly.

"Well, this is need-to-know," argued Wizard. "I need to decide if I agree with you about the justification of the murder."

Selax considered him for a moment, and finally relented. "Then I will tell you that I have no idea what assistance Avatara refused me, but he refused it, and that is unacceptable."

"I suppose you have a point," admitted Wizard. "Though, if someone treated me like that, I'd mentally torture them and make them my mind-slave and force them to do unpleasant work for the rest of their lives."

Selax stared at Wizard for a moment. "I'd rather just kill him."

Wizard shrugged. "Go ahead."

"I have already explained this to you," Selax warned. "I want you to kill him for me."

"What will I get if I do?"

"I won't ban you from Cythera?" Selax offered.

"Meh," Wizard was unimpressed. "By the time I notice the ban, it will have already expired."

"That is true," agreed Selax. "And to clarify, I was joking when I said I'd ban you from Cythera."

"Haha," said Wizard.

"In all seriousness," continued Selax. "If you murder Avatara, I will buy you a pizza."

"Nah. Food is worthless to me because I can simply nurture my body with psychic mind powers."

"True, but pizza is still rather tasty."

"Yeah, but not worth the trouble of murdering Avatara."

"Well then, what do you want in return?" Selax asked.

Wizard pondered for a moment, then had an idea. "I want you to clean my room for three months."

"Be reasonable!"

"I am," affirmed Wizard. "I think that is a comparable amount of work to murdering Avatara."

"Indeed?" asked Selax. "Just how clean is your room to begin with?"

Wizard hesitated. "Two months," he compromised.

Selax grumbled quite a bit. "Fine," he said at last. "Deal."

"Hurray! W00t! Boo-yah!" Wizard exclaimed, doing a small victory dance.

"Don't make me rescind the deal," warned Selax.

"You can do that?!" asked Wizard indignantly.

"Why don't you call your lawyer and see?" suggested Selax with an awkward fake cackle.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wizard, unfortunately, had no idea where to start his search for Avatara, so he put that on the back burner for now (speaking of burners, he really needed to go home sometime soon to turn off his stove), and decided to visit his lawyer, Radik, to see if Selax really did have any legal right to rescind the deal they made. Wizard wanted to make sure his room would be cleaned.

Radik was formerly a hero who roamed around with a group of heros, saving the world from various perils. However, he had stopped by a pub in Kosha several years back and had never left. He now ran a law office in a corner of the pub where he counseled clients on various legal matters (unfortunately he never actually showed up in court, seeing as he never left the pub. He didn't have a lot of repeat clients).

After a brisk three-year walk, Wizard arrived in Kosha.

Wizard found Radik enjoying a mug of beer in the pub.

"Mister Radik, good to see you," greeted Wizard.

Radik looked up. "Ah, mister... ahm...." Wizard waited. Radik swigged some beer.

"Wizard," said Wizard finally. "Evil Wizard, to be exact."

"Right," agreed Radik. "How's it going?"

Wizard ignored the vague question. "I came here to ask you some legal questions."

"Shoot."

"First of all, I met with my partner Selax and we agreed on an exchange of services for each other. He said 'deal' but then later threatened to rescind the deal. He can't, can he?"

"Well, that's complicated..." pondered Radik. "Was the agreement witnessed and notarized by the district judge?"

"Er," hesitated Wizard. "There was no one but the two of us in a half-mile radius... But I acted as Judge Berossus for a period of time. Surely that counts?"

"No, it would have to be the active judge of the district where this agreement took place. Otherwise it really doesn't count."

"Well," said Wizard, and dropped down into a seat, "that stinks."

Radik summoned the barkeeper over and Wizard ordered a round of drinks.

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Meanwhile, in Alternate Cythera...

Avaltara, Kalterei, and Rapierian never did close the portal between Cytheras. However, they did manage to put a rock into a volcano, which (for some inexplicable reason) caused Alternate Cythera to begin to recover from its barrenness and begin to support life again. So, Avatara and K decided to compromise and call that a victory, and settle back down in their home world to live at peace.

You probably assume that they developed a romantic relationship and eventually got married. No, alas. Perhaps they would have, if it weren't for Moonshadow. The Moonshadow from the other world came to visit Alternate Cythera and found that she liked it very well, and after some sort of tragedy with her husband, she was looking for a change of scenery. (Well, the scenery in Alternate Cythera was slightly different than real Cythera, anyway) So Moonshadow settled down in Alternate Cythera too, and became close friends with K.

This left Avatara very confused about his feelings, so he did what any sensible person would have done and shut them both out of his life as much as possible.

Today, Moonshadow was just getting ready to do some baking when K came to visit her.

"Good morning, K," Moonshadow greeted her.

"'Morning," said K. "So, today I was looking through my date book, and I noticed something."

"Oh?" asked Moonshadow.

"It's Avatara's birthday."

"What!" exclaimed Moonshadow.

"I didn't get him anything!" moaned K. "And it's too late to go shopping now!" (Shopping opportunities in either Cythera were extremely limited, seeing as Saltwax Industries owned every store, and on principle they refused to sell anything useful. Pretty much any sort of shopping required void-traveling, which was quite a nuisance.)

"Think, think, think," muttered Moonshadow, tapping herself on the head. "Perhaps we can come up with suitable birthday presents from stuff we already have?"

"I don't know," said K. "I'd love to make him some meaningful creative work, but I'm really busy and I don't think I can make something today."

"Yeah," agreed Moonshadow, "but we surely we can think of something."

"Well, what do you have?" asked K.

"Hmm," thought Moonshadow. She walked over to her pantry and opened the doors. "I know!" she announced suddenly, and produced a jar full of dark coloured goo. "This jar of fancy gourmet honey! It's the perfect gift! (If he doesn't like it, he can re-gift it like I am!)"

"Wowev!" K was impressed. "That's classic! I'd better go home and see what I can find to give him."

"I'll come with you," offered Moonshadow. "Then we can visit Avatara together."

So K and Moonshadow went over to K's house, which wasn't far at all from Moonshadow's house so it did not take them long to walk there.

The first thing Moonshadow noticed when she entered K's living room was that it was full of large helium balloons. "Whoa, K, where did you get these balloons?" Moonshadow asked.

"Oh, I've just been collecting them lately," explained K. "Why- you think they could be a gift?"

"It's PERFECT!" gushed Moonshadow, selecting a bright yellow one and bouncing it around by the ribbon. "It's so cheery and festive, it would be the perfect birthday present!"

"Are we thinking of the same Avatara?" K asked.

Moonshadow persisted, "it's his birthday."

"Well.." considered K, "I suppose you're right. After all, who wouldn't like a balloon?"

"Exactly!" agreed Moonshadow.

So Moonshadow and K set off for Avatara's house. Avatara lived a ways away so he could be all hermit-y and stuff. When they were about halfway there, a big red creature jumped in front of them.

Moonshadow screamed and hugged K. K, though alarmed, tried to comfort Moonshadow.

"It's okay," said K reassuringly. "It's just Athes. He's a friendly... er, hellish creature made of pure black magic."

"Salutations!" Athes greeted them warmly. "How are you two lovely ladies this fine morning?"

"Alright," said Moonshadow a little timidly. K shrugged.

"I wanted to say thank you," said Athes, addressing K, "for feeding the seed of fire to the great dragon."

"What??" asked Moonshadow.

"We put a rock in a volcano for him," K explained, and turning back to Athes said, "you're welcome."

"I really appreciate it," Athes continued. "I would have done it myself, but I had a dance party to attend.."

K waited for further explanation, but Athes didn't say anything else. "I see?" she said finally.

"Um, couldn't you have done it after the dance party?" ventured Moonshadow.

"Oh, er," fumbled Athes. "Then my dog died, so..."

"Oh, I'm sorry," said Moonshadow. "I didn't know."

"Yeah, it's been rough," said Athes heavily.

K didn't quite see how the pet's death caused Athes to ask for help with the volcano, unless he knew ahead of time that the dog was going to die, but she didn't want to make Athes sad by asking. Maybe demons do have premonitory abilities, for all she knew.

"Also," said Athes, perking up a bit, "weren't you going to close the portal between Cytheras?"

"Oh, that..." said K. "We've had some other stuff going on. Maybe after Christmas we'll have time for that..."

"Hokey-dokey," shrugged Athes. "Well, it was nice catching up with you, I should probably go report back to my mysterious master. Farewell!"

"Byebye!" K and Moonshadow chorused as Athes turned to go. Unfortunately, when Athes turned, one of his spikes caught on K's balloon and punctured it with a loud pop.

Athes turned back. "Oh no! I am dreadfully sorry!"

K trembled. "I-it's not your fault..."

"I'm so sorry," Athes repeated.

"It's okay," murmured K. But she didn't mean it, and after Athes departed, she burst into tears.

Moonshadow comforted her. "It's alright. Avatara will understand."

"But now I have nothing to give him! And he already hates me!"

"I don't think he hates you," said Moonshadow tentatively. "Come on, let's go wish him many happy returns."

K sniffed, but followed Moonshadow on, clutching her broken balloon.

Unfortunately, they did not make it far before they were attacked by a horde of zombies.

"Oh no!" exclaimed K. "It's the grotesque disfigured evil immortal zombies from real-Cythera's underground!"

"More hellish creatures!" groaned Moonshadow.

"But these ones aren't friendly," K clarified. They looked at each other for a moment and then both shouted in unison, "RUN!"

They ran. They ran and ran until they came to a cabin, where they barricaded themselves. The demon zombies were close behind them and soon began banging on the doors and windows.

"What are they doing here?" wondered K.

"No idea. Maybe they got bored of living in a cave? Maybe whoever controls them wants us dead?" suggested Moonshadow. "What should we do?"

"Well, typically I'd say we need to kill them, but since these creatures can't be killed, that kind of ruins that plan."

"Then what?" asked Moonshadow. They fell silent as they thought, and their silence emphasized the pounding of the demon zombies, trying to get into the cabin.

At length, K offered, "we could make them cookies?"

"Do you really think that will work?" asked Moonshadow.

"I don't know, but do you have a better idea?"

"Point taken." They began rummaging through the cabin to see if they could find cookie ingredients. They were able to round up some flour, butter, eggs, and even some nuts, but the most important ingredient of cookies, the sweetener, could not be found.

"I can't believe whoever lives here doesn't have any sugar or any kind!" exclaimed Moonshadow in frustration.

"It must be a bachelor," pointed out K. "Or maybe a college student, to have such an erratically-stocked pantry." She looked around the cabin again, and then noticed the honey Moonshadow had brought to give Avatara. She didn't say anything, but her gaze rested on the honey for a moment.

Moonshadow noticed. "Oh!" she realized. "I could use that honey to make cookies. But then I wouldn't have anything to give Avatara... But we really don't have a choice, do we?"

K gave her a sympathetic look, and then they set off to work, making cookies. They made an enormous batch, because by now quite a crowd of demon zombies had gathered outside the cabin, and they were feeling a bit peckish themselves. They used pretty-much all of the honey Moonshadow had brought.

While the cookies baked, K and Moonshadow told each other scary ghost stories accentuated by the demon zombies pounding on the cabin.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, not too far away...

For once Evil Wizard actually decided to get things done right away instead of procrastinating. It only took him a few weeks to wander over to alt-Cythera to assassinate Avatara.

Evil Wizard, thanks to his freaky psychic powers, knew that Avatara's favourite restaurant was Chili's, so upon arriving in alt-Cythera, he settled just outside the doors to Chili's to wait. Surely it was only a matter of time before Avatara would come for a delicious meal...

Indeed, as the dinner rush began to set in, Wizard spotted Avatara approaching. Wizard stretched and got up.

On the far side of the parking lot (unnoticed by Wizard), an elderly, wobbly, man with a walker began to climb out of his carriage.

Wizard began to walk toward the entrance to the restaurant. By now Avatara had already gone in. Wizard grumbled under his breath. It would have been less messy to kill Avatara before he went in, but oh well.

The elderly gentlemen slowly, unsteadily made his way across the parking lot.

Wizard proceeded toward the door. Just as he was working up the effort to lift his arm and open the door, an old man with a walker came out of nowhere and got in his way. "In some kind of hurry?" Wizard asked rudely. The old man didn't seem to hear him. Wizard watched as the old man let go of his walker, opened the restaurant door, and attempted to hold the door open and push his walker through at the same time.

Finally Wizard sighed and held the door open for him. Once he got through, Wizard went in and began to walk toward the dining area.

As Wizard walked through the restaurant, he was passed again by the elderly man, who, having finished his dinner, was now departing. Wizard looked around for Avatara, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Blast!" muttered Wizard. "He must have developed some sort of superpower like teleportation or superhuman (superelf?) speed. This will make killing him much more trouble. I must go home and play video games - I mean develop a new plan."

And with that, Wizard began the slow journey back to real Cythera and his house.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Avatara, after savoring a nice meal at Chili's, headed back to his hermit cabin. As he got close, he noticed some very unusual things. His front lawn was covered with hundreds of cookies. And his cabin was surrounded by unkillable demon zombies, who appeared to be trying to pound their way in.

Avatara sighed. Never a quiet evening.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time Moonshadow and K's cookies were finished, their nerves were quite on-edge. It took a great deal of courage for them just to crack open one of the windows and throw out some cookies.

It turned out that the demon zombies had no interest whatever in the cookies, but the girls kept throwing them out, hoping they would catch on. Finally, between eating the cookies and throwing them out the window, they completely ran out of cookies. And the demon zombies were still pounding on the cabin.

"Okay..." assessed Moonshadow, "this is bad."

"This is very bad," agreed K.

Suddenly the lock on the cabin's back door turned, and the door began to open. The girls screamed and jumped into each other's arms. The door opened, and Avatara entered.

Avatara blinked at K and Moonshadow, and then glanced around his cabin, which was full of dirty dishes from the cookie-making. ". . . I don't know what I was expecting," he said finally.

"Avatara!" said the girls in surprise.

"What are you doing here?" asked K.

"How'd you get through the demon zombies?" asked Moonshadow.

"I live here," replied Avatara, to the first question.

"You do?" asked K, mystified.

"Wait, this is your house?" Moonshadow asked. The girls looked at each other.

"I guess we were kind of distracted when we ran up to it," considered K.

"And I don't think I've ever been inside his house before," realized Moonshadow.

"Me neither," said K with a raised eyebrow. They turned back to Avatara.

"Don't look at me," Avatara defended. "I've invited you several times and you've never come."

"When?" persisted K.

Avatara evaded the question. "What are you doing in my house?"

"We came to wish you happy birthday!" said Moonshadow brightly.

"I thought you didn't know I lived here?"

"On the way, we got attacked by the demon zombies," explained K.

"So you led them to my house and left them to pound on it until they utterly destroy it?"

"We were working on a plan!" said Moonshadow.

"Unfortunately, the demon zombies don't seem to like cookies," finished K.

"Maybe they're allergic to nuts," suggested Avatara, noticing his cutting board covered in nut fragments.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's the problem," said K sarcastically.

Moonshadow asked again, "how did you get past the demon zombies?"

"That part's easy," said Avatara with a wave of his hand. "You just have to pretend they don't exist."

"Sure," said K, rolling her eyes.

"It's true," held Avatara. "How do you think I got past them? Threatening them with nuts?"

"I think the pounding on the house is becoming less vigorous," considered Moonshadow. "Did you do something to them?"

"I'm pretending they don't exist." repeated Avatara. "Try it."

"We should humour him," K decided. "After all, it's his birthday."

K and Moonshadow concentrated, and pretended that the demon zombies didn't exist. Shortly, the pounding left up entirely, and the girls looked out the window in bewilderment.

Outside, the demon zombies were literally fading away.

"Amazing," breathed Moonshadow.

"The best line of defense against abandoned villains," Avatara explained. "Ignoring them."

"I'm sorry about the mess," said K feebly.

"Yeah, we'll clean up," said Moonshadow, looking like she very much dreaded it.

K held the yellow balloon fragments out to Avatara. "I brought you a balloon. But..."

"You killed it?" guessed Avatara.

"Kind of," said K, her eyes filling with tears.

"And I brought you a jar of honey," sand Moonshadow, picking up the empty jar. "But we had to use it to make the cookies."

Avatara frowned sadly.

"You could use the honey residue in the jar to make bread," suggested Moonshadow. "And perhaps you could use the jar to store things."

"Like a balloon?" guessed Avatara.

"Er, no," responded Moonshadow. "I meant you could use it for canning, it's a nice jar anyway.."

But Avatara put the broken balloon in the sticky honey jar and secured the lid. "There," he said. "I shall treasure it always." (The girls had no idea if he was being serious or not, so they just smiled weakly.)

Just then, there was a knock on Avatara's door. "More birthday wellwishers?" guessed K.

Avatara answered the door, and there was Evil Rythan. In all of his huge, terrifying, villain imposingness.

"What have you done to my minions?!" demanded Evil Rythan.

Avatara deflected. "Why did they attack Moonshadow and Katerei?"

"To remind everyone that I am still here, and I'm still going to take over the world!" roared Rythan. "Bow before me, and perhaps I shall make you my slave and torment you forever, instead of using you to replenish my demon zombie army!"

Moonshadow gasped.

"What are you going to do?" asked K, freaking out. "You can't ignore him away like you did the demon zombies!"

"Oh, can't I?" asked Avatara. Rythan was already fading away.

"What is happening to me?!" demanded Rythan, noticing his hands becoming transparent. "What vile trick is this?"

But before he could threaten Avatara any more, he vanished completely. The girls cheered, and celebrated by going off to find proper birthday gifts for Avatara. (Unfortunately, they forgot to clean up the mess they'd made of his cabin.)

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In real Cythera, evil Wizard finally approached his home. He daydreamed about all of the sitting around doing nothing he would do when he got there. It had been a long day (or several years), and he could hardly wait to relax at home.

Once he got close, Wizard noticed that where he expected to see his house, there were only burnt ruins and piles of ash.

"Oh yeah..." remembered Wizard. "I forgot to turn off the stove."

This post has been edited by BreadWorldMercy453: 04 June 2014 - 08:44 AM

An amusing story as always, 453 . The only potential problem would be that Wizard seems much faster in that story than he is in reality.

I've missed so many excellent stories! These are much better than trying to keep up with the TS. BW, your stories always make me laugh; excellent work as usual. And Kat, I enjoyed seeing your older artwork. I liked seeing the development in your style over time.

I wrote this a couple months ago in a fit of creativity. It's a poetic adaptation of the closing scene of my pre-DM novel, which isn't really a spoiler because the events have already been made known in DM.

Some time after K betrays Avatara, she returns to his house to leave a goodbye letter for him. But she hesitates, and lays down in the grass to stare up at the afternoon sun and think back on their time together, before entering his house to leave the fateful letter.

<edit> Oh, I guess I should title it so our friendly moderator doesn't name it something weird in the index. It's tentatively called 'Sunlight.' </edit>

*

Face up in the overgrown grass tickles
my shoulder blade where you once –

Press palms to my eyes and block out
the afternoon sun bleeds between my bones hot blood glows

You are my fire and you are so far away from me.

A heartbeat or three to dream paper cranes rise
just one, falls sky beyond reach I fall just one, day to earth

Ink stain nails mark me forever
smudged letter/s catching fire in my pocket

I am the ocean. Under your heat I evaporate know myself
damp air just salt in grass

Pull one hand away blinding your face etched
inside my eyes never really there

I am the ocean. Graze the sky horizon line out of sight sun
overlaps we kiss the earth and never

touch.

This post has been edited by iKaterei: 23 June 2013 - 11:54 PM

Nice work, Katerei .


Also, Wizard, I note that you failed to mention that a little old lady with a walker challenged you to a race a couple of weeks ago...

Someone *cough* complained about GM falling off the main page, so I dug around in my Cythera folder to see if I had anything to post. I don't have any of my own work, but a long time ago I saved this sketch that Moonshadow did of her namesake.

 alaric-santa-small.png (54.05K)
Number of downloads: 23

Quick drawing to practice using a tablet. You may be wondering why Bellerophon is wearing a pink polo shirt.