Ambrosia Software Web Board: Stupid Joke of the Day - Ambrosia Software Web Board

A man enters a pun contest, and sends in 10 different entries, hoping one would win, but, unfortunatly, no pun in ten did (intended)

Yo mamma's so ugly, when she looks out the window, she gets arrested for mooning
Yo mamma's so fat, her shadow weighs a hundred pounds

------------------
I think, therefore, iPod.

I think, therefore I am dangerous.
Meow

I apologise for the delay.

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Unitarian?
Someone who knocks on your door, but they're not sure why.

What do you get when you cross a Lutheran and a Buddhist?
Someone who sits up all night worrying about nothingness.

Is anyone looking here anymore? There's not much purpose in posting to myself.

------------------
Don't Know, Don't Care, Don't Bother me about it–
The

Quote

I find some your jokes witty and funny (only because you haven't insulted me yet)
And i do check up on this topic to check if there is any new posts.
------------------
"Time is only a guide
line"

[This message has been edited by 9024 (edited 02-15-2002).]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by The Journalist:

Is anyone looking here anymore? There's not much purpose in posting to myself.


you have to keep the site up the journalist or i might have to smsh your clipboard

p.s. how is the perambulator coming

------------------
A Little Song
A Little Dance
A Little Seltzer
Down Your Pants

[This message has been edited by dude3 (edited 02-15-2002).]

[quote]Originally posted by dude3:
[quote]Originally posted by The Journalist:

  Is anyone looking here anymore? There's not much purpose in posting to myself.


you have to keep the site up the journalist or i might have to smsh your clipboard

p.s. how is the perambulator coming

[/quote]

dude, talk about this at school please. If you must know, the perambulators are coming along nicely. i got mock's marker…raley's doesn't have them.

Anyway:
4 peole are riding in a train compartment: A mother and her 19-year-old daughter, an army general, and a seargent, the general's valet. The train enters a tunnel. There is a kiss, and a slap.
The train comes out of the tunnel, and the mother thinks: "That young man tried to steal a kiss from my daughter".
The daughter thinks: That young man tried to kiss me and kissed my mother by mistake!
The general thinks: "that young man stole a kiss, and I was the one who got slapped for it."
The seargent thinks:"Hey, not bad; kiss the back of my hand, get to hit the general, and HERE COME ANOTHER TUNNEL!

------------------
Don't Know, Don't Care, Don't Bother me about it–
The

Quote

Why thank you, Journalist! (I'm really mean! )
How 'bout a stupid quote! Hang on a sec. They're here SOMEWHERE in my extremely, very, extremely messy desk drawers. Ok. I can't find 'em! I'll just make this up as I go. "A hijacker/hitch-hiker enters a car and points a gun at the driver's head. He says 'Now that I've hijacked your car, you will take me wherever I say. Where should I go??? Oh poop! (Poop was substituded for a nastier word that means the same thing.) Just take me anywhere!' So the driver drove to the police station." Dumb huh? Here's my plan to capture Osama bin Laden! We build a spaceship and put an alien robot in it. We send it down to some dumbo in alqueda and then make it say "Take me to your leader." Then it whips out a sub-machine gun and shoots him! Whaddya think?!

------------------
Once upon a time. The End. "I'm a real nowhere man, sitting in my nowhere land..."
-Modification on The Beatles song

yes, yes i've been bad about coming here . sorry. i now owe you 5 jokes…here goes

"Light Bulb" jokes:
How many designers does it take to change a light bulb?
what kind of amswer did you have in mind?

How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
Same number as it take to change a regular bulb

How many dull people does it take to change am light bulb?
…………one…………

How many Ahmish does it take to change a light bulb?
what's a lightbulb?

How many performance artists does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, i left at intermission

Hey, you've been patient(i think )…here's a bonus joke.

How many public radio personalities does it take to change a light…that's not funny. we'll have this answer right after this next pledge break


------------------
Don't Know, Don't Care, Don't Bother me about it–
The

well ive got a joke, its rather useless but its the only one i can think of at the moment.......

patty and betty were throwing stones at the ground....... patty misses.....

I sed it was useless!!

------------------
"Time is only a guide
line"

Hello! I return - maybe. Interesting. I think this may be the liveliest thing in the trash talk section. Well, I'd better go see how the raid on that Audemedon command post went. (Check the bar)

------------------
"You will find that your device is highly non-functional...." - Bad Guy
-
Come visit the [url="http://"http://nova6.pautsch.com/forum/intro.lasso"]Nova6 Webboards[/url].

It does seem pretty quiet here now without the Journalist and his lackey dude3. Unfortunately, they found Just Chat and bugged people there... till both of his topics were locked. And the second one was 'TJON's moron free board', which I thought was funny.

And since you know he'll be reading this, a short message:

This is a topic on a webboard, not a webboard in itself.

If the ikonboard addresses seem a bit long, you could think about setting up your own page at [url="http://"http://www.geocities.com"]www.geocities.com[/url] , as it seems to be advertising you're looking at, rather input from other people.

If your computer/connection is so slow that smilies slow the page-load time down to unnacceptable levels, you're gonna have a hard time on the internet at all! Your school should have a microlab of some sort you can use?

I hope that was helpful...

martin (I couldn't think of a joke)

------------------
There was a pretty grey parakeet who had learned to recognise human things - triangle shapes and car keys and the colour blue - and to speak the words for them. This little parakeet worked so hard to remember these things, and it had an efficient far-away female voice like a telephone operator in texas. The parakeet made me recognise how hard it is to learn anything in life, and even then, there is no guarantee you'll need it.

Quote

waddaya mean lackey!? He's my lackey, dammit. And they bugged us on Just Chat, not the other way around.

------------------
A Little Song
A Little Dance
A Little Seltzer
Down Your Pants

Ive got another joke Heh stop hiding its only nearly as bad as the last one, ok her it is:

Patty and betty (two irish people) were walking down the road, patty falls in a hole...
"aaaaah i fell", "are you ok" shouts betty, "i dont know its too dark down hear to see",some minits later patty shouts "call me an ambulance!" "ok" says betty " your an ambulance".

Its better when its spoken.

------------------
"Time is only a guide
line"

Heyyy, everyone, I'm baaaaaack!from the library!

What happens when you remove half a cat's brain?
You get a smart dog!

If at first you don't succeed...deny you ever tried

Abbriviations that didn't work:
NT-Not True
ME-Microsoft's Entrails

Yes, They were bothering US in Just Chat.
Please keep this topic up, as my visits will be jagged. Ask dude3 if you really care that much.

------------------
The Journalist Was Here.

Score! The journalist, when did you get your computer back? Where was it? And to pre-answer the obvious flood of questions that will be asked about his not-so-brief vacation, his parents took away his computer because he was failing science.

------------------
"Yes! I am the undisputed breakfast master!"
-Space Ghost

Quote

Would you please let me speak for myself?
I know you're trying to be helpful, but still.

This is rather long.

Raising Children-
sent in by an anonymous mother

Thing you learn from raising kids-
A dog leash hooked over a ceiling fan cannot rotate a 42 pound kid. It can , however
when tied to a paint can, spray paint on all walls of a 20x20ft. room
You should not throw baseballs when the fan is running
When using the fan as a bat, you have to try a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way
Even double-paned windows do not stop baseballs hit by a ceiling fan.
By the time you hear the toilet flush and the word "uh-oh",it's already too late
Clorox and gasoline make smoke, and LOTS of it
If you spray hairspray on dustbunnies and run over them in rollerblades, they can ignite
The fire department has a 5-minute reply time
Super glue is forever
"Play Doh" and "Microwave" should never be heard in the same sentance
You probably don't want to know what that odor is
Marbles in gas tanks make a lot of noise when driving
The spin cycle on a washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy
It does, however, make cats dizzy.
Cats throw up twice their weight when dizzy
Check the oven before heating it. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
Whew!

------------------
Blagoonga!

Quote

You told them to ask me and I didn't feel like responding to individual questions. So I used one post to create what I have termed the "blanket effect".

------------------
"Yes! I am the undisputed breakfast master!"
-Space Ghost

What do you get when you cross a fly with an elephant?
A zipper that never forgets!

------------------
Blagoonga!

Hmmmmm. Not my favorite but I probably missed some good ones

------------------
Always remember this. All murderers, no matter how cruel and evil, only have blood on their hands. Not in their heart -Me
[url="http://"http://www.gameranger.com"]GameRanger--Sß-Overrider720[/url] | [url="http://"http://www.boardgame.f2s.com/cgi-bin/ikonboard//ikonboard.cgi"]BoardGame[/url] | [url="http://"http://www.magleague.com"]MaG League- Overrider[/url]
The Underdogs Smiles:[url="http://"http://community.theunderdogs.org/smiley/gallery.htm"]Underdog Smiles[/url]
[url="http://"http://www.nova6.pautsch.com/forum/intro.lasso?bypass_cookie=si"]Nova6's Webboard[/url] | [url="http://"http://evforums.n3.net"]Unnoficial EV Forums[/url]

I know, that was weak.

Why is it good to be a test-tube baby?
Ya get a womb with a view.

------------------
I think, therefore, iTunes my piano

A man walks into a restaurant, and it's Christmastime, and he's feeling good, so he orders the eggs benedict. A few miutes later, the waiter brings the eggs out on this big, shiny hubcap. The guy says "a Hubcap?" Amd the waiter says "Oh, there's no plate like chrome for the hollendaise!"

------------------
TJON:The Journalist's Office Novelties.
Makers of wierd products since, uh, 2002

An imposter posted this.(skip)

[This message has been edited by The Journalist (edited 04-22-2002).]

How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?
Two,one to ladder the hold, on to bulb in the screw.

How many brewers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Same number as it takes to change a regular bulb!

------------------
Dye my hair black and call me a blonde!

Quote

That one wasnt that funny for some reason.


------------------
"Time is only a guide
line"

Yeah....the journalist, try and stay within the bounds of good taste, would you?

------------------

longest Ares topic ever and so mature too!

------------------
And then there were the toe-socks...