Ambrosia Software Web Board: How to Get a Girlfriend? - Ambrosia Software Web Board

Haha, they grow up so fast.

I'm proud of you sparky.

Rickton, on Nov 18 2008, 04:18 PM, said:

That ain't hardly outrageous. He also didn't call himself "Lord."

G-Spark, on Nov 18 2008, 06:19 PM, said:

Why don't you go sleep with your girlfriend.

-Pufer

Adda boy, sparky! That's a step beyond what I could do.

So is she your girlfriend now or just a date for the dance?

G-Spark, on Nov 18 2008, 07:19 PM, said:

Congratulations! Don't worry about your friends bugging you, that's normal.

undead_shadow, on Nov 19 2008, 05:25 AM, said:

C'mere, I got something to tell ya...

Just a date. Well at least right now. So girlfriend? Not really.

This post has been edited by G-Spark: 19 November 2008 - 07:22 PM

G-Spark, on Nov 19 2008, 01:19 AM, said:

Well done. As you've probably figured out by now, the trauma of asking a girl out pales in comparison to the intrusive attentions of those who want to know every little detail.

Fortunately, you now have plenty of time to make the plans necessary to be a minimally respectable date. Protip: If it's a formal affair, make sure you seek the girl's input before purchasing the corsage. There'll be hell to pay if it doesn't go with the colour of her dress.

Sundered Angel, on Nov 19 2008, 06:23 PM, said:

This gets at one of those things that has always bugged me. I think it perfectly reasonable for the girl to dictate the flowers, colors, design, etc. of her corsage for a dance. It's presumably important to her (at least, it's likely more important to her than me), she's the one who is going to be wearing it, so she should be happy with it. As such, the rule should always be to let her choose what she wants in a corsage.

However, there is a certain expectation floating around in society that this same logic does not get applied to a much more important, permanent, and expensive item given to a girl: the engagement ring. As far as I'm concerned, there is no reason at all that a woman should not be able to pick out her own engagement ring, something that will not only be worn for a single evening, but will be shown off to everyone and be a part of the girl's wardrobe for one hell of a lot longer than for the duration of a dance.

Granted, the modern trend is towards couples choosing a woman's engagement ring together, but I think that this should be much more than a mere trend. It should be the rule, set forth for all to follow, that the girl has the say on what ring she wants. No more of the guy being expected to intuit his good lady's taste in engagement rings, her decision all the way.

I mean, a friend of mine recently managed to find herself some rich fellow to marry. He did the whole surprise engagement thing (he flew her out for dinner in San Francisco at some fancy-ass place, so she pretty much knew what was up, but the point is that he didn't get her input on the ring), so now she wanders around wearing the ring that he bought her. Now, it's a beautiful ring - set in platinum, designed by Tiffany, polished by God himself or something - but the main stone is a little over eight carats. That diamond is friggen' massive, and it's surrounded by smaller, but still large rocks. There is no way in hell that she would've picked out something as patently ridiculous as that ring is, and yet she's pretty much stuck wearing the massive thing forever, living in fear that someone will rob her one of these days (thing is worth something like four times as much as her car is, and she has a damn nice car).

I even know what her fiancee was thinking - this is the world's greatest diamond produced by the world's greatest jeweler, what girl would've love this - but I maintain that it was stupid of him to buy that thing for her. I know for a fact that she would've been far happier had he offered to take her out and let her choose a less conspicuous ring for herself.

-Pufer

Pufer, on Nov 20 2008, 02:29 AM, said:

You have my whole hearted approval and support.

My mum wears two wedding rings and her engagement ring.

I have never found this weird and it is only sice Pufer's post I have really thought about it. One wedding ring is hers (a plain gold ring) the other is her husbands (my dad). I don't know whether you expect my dad to be dead because of this? But no he isn't. My dad dissapproves of jewlerry, he doesn't wear anything of that kind (invluding watches). So instead of a wedding ring my dad has a tatoo on his ring finger with the first letter of my mum and his children on it (I don't know what happens when he gets granchildren).

This leads me on to wonder what marriage is to people/couples... Is it a fancy due with far too much money... or the actual bonding of two "souls" etc, and depending on how they want to represent that, is upto them... (My mum obviously thinks a tatoo is enough).

Ha Ha. I have to hand it to Pufer he really does know how to get our/my mind wondering/working.

Also so this topic doesn't die out, I think it should be turned into "How to keep a girlfriend". Ok it's a triumph getting a girl friends but hanging onto her for more then a few months is a lot harder then it sounds (let alone years).

undead_shadow, on Nov 20 2008, 12:12 PM, said:

You do realise, that no matter what you do, she will get pissed with you over the smallest thing and 5 minutes later will want to either jump your bones or stab you, or both.

That's women

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It's actually quite less than that. Like I said before, there was a month until formals. I don't look at time as in what date it is, I look at time as in what month it is. There was actually about half a month. That was last week. I'm leaving for over a week in two days heading across the whole freakin' country. Then after that I figure I've got about a week or less. Not much time especially since I don't see her much and I'm still nervous as hell. Not just talking to her, but people in general.

Jeremiah, on Nov 20 2008, 01:01 PM, said:

That's life

G-Spark, on Nov 20 2008, 02:16 PM, said:

Hahahaha I can't wait for the explanation you'll have to give her when she asks why you picked her...

"Well err funnily enough it all started on this website, with all these people giving me advice and...."

Me and my girlfriend go ring shopping all the time, pretty much anytime we're in the city centre actually.

I'm going to go buy her one, and whilst I'll be making the final decision, it's going to be based on her reactions to the various ones we've looked at.

Also, isn't being asked to marry someone supposed to be something of a surprise? Saying, hey darling, I've booked a romantic restaurant for us tonight, but do you fancy going ring shopping first? No reason...

I think that the ceremony and everything should be a suprise...

I think the best way I've seen this happen was when a couple was watching tv and the guy appeared on telly in an advert and made it out to be an investment. It was on "you've been framed".

I'd want to do something this original if I was to propose to someone...

As far as the wedding ring goes I think it's what the actual event/ring represent rather then how big the rock is...

undead_shadow, on Nov 21 2008, 11:46 AM, said:

"But honey, we never go to church. And why do I have to wear this stupid frilly dress?"
Door opens...
"SURPRISE MARRIAGE!"

Lektor, on Nov 21 2008, 04:35 AM, said:

First off, you're merely killing temporal succession between shopping and purchase in that case. It's like telling someone who wants to buy you an expensive car that you'd like a silver BMW 5-series (or making it known when touring a dealership that you fancy such a vehicle) and then claiming, when you're presented with a silver 528i a couple weeks later, that it came as a complete and utter surprise.

Second, if you've been going ring shopping "all the time," presuming that don't routinely book romantic restaurants as a matter of course, wouldn't you kinda' think that she'd be able to figure out what's up anyway? If I'm a girl in such a position, my man invites me to the most expensive restaurant in town for the first time ever, and he shows up clean shaven with a new haircut and a new suit on, I know what I'm expecting later that night. Now, I have it on good authority that knowing what is up beforehand makes the actual proposal no less exciting, but I think total surprise is a little unreasonable unless you just randomly do it when standing in line at the grocery store one day, or something like that.

Keeping this in mind, the whole surprise thing is one of those ridiculous ritualistic fabrications that society has come to expect with no particular basis in reality. In most cases, the woman likely knows what's up, or at least generally saw it coming. Any indication to the contrary either demonstrates what I would feel to be an insufficient courtship period or a lie commonly told to propagate the cultural mythology that surrounds the marriage proposal. That said, it is certainly an expectation, but that doesn't mean that we should read too much into supposed factual content surrounding that expectation.

Third, personally, I think the whole thing is a bunch of bullcrap. If I have my druthers, any marriage proposal that I'm ever likely to make will be of the, "Hey, you wanna' get married?" one night in bed variety (maybe over breakfast, I like the idea of suggesting marriage over frozen waffles). That weekend we can go out together and get a ring, or whatever she wants to do. If she's anything like me, then I'll publicly propose to her four or five times in restaurants over the next few weeks - see how many free desserts/bottles of champagne we can cheat various restaurants and/or well-meaning folks at adjacent tables out of.

Fourth, totally stealing the speech from my Contracts professor's proposal to his wife, here's how you do it without a ring: "Since the 16th century, the law has held that a promise for a promise constitutes a valid contract. <one knee, grasp her hand, brief romantic speech> My dear, would you do me the sublime honor of accepting my offer of marriage and offering to make me the happiest man on this green Earth?" With any kind of luck, her immediate response won't be "Where the ###### is the ring?" (and if it is, that should tell you something). If she says yes, then you've made a valid contract to marry, regardless of whether there's a ring there with you or not.

-Pufer

Another important thing on the surprise aspect; make sure you know her size and buy a ring that will actually fit her.

Pufer, on Nov 21 2008, 08:23 PM, said:

I whole heartedly agree...

I would rather it be discussed... then just launching into it...


Having said that I think there are still some occasions when I total surprise would work....

Jeremiah, on Nov 21 2008, 03:04 PM, said:

Oh, but you can just swipe one of her rings and bring it to the jewelers with you because your lady (1) clearly has loads of rings sized to her ring finger kicking around, (2) you have ready access to her jewelry, and (3) she won't notice if one of her rings goes missing, anyway. Of course, if she does notice you rummaging around in her jewelry box, there's no way she could figure out what's up.

Again, isn't it less fraught with difficulty if you let her get involved? How is it not stupid to pull a, "Oh, speaking of who Obama is choosing to round out his cabinet, what size ring do you wear?"?

-Pufer

I like how we go from G-Spark working up the courage to ask her out to talking about wedding rings.

Because, y'know, he's obviously going to marry her. Right? Right?

I understand he's already knocked her up.

-Pufer

That's what I was thinking... We've done the asking and the marrying...

What about the few years middle ground?

Well, I think that the 'middle ground' of the relationship, between the start and when it becomes more of a long-term, stable thing, is the part that is most difficult. I, for one, apparently don't know much about keeping a relationship from going south. My record being about two weeks and all that. Funny how as I just start to stop worrying about losing her so much and decide to start doing nice things for her and being just really much happier, that she breaks up with me on the grounds that I'm far too emo to deal with.

Women, blah.

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Hopefully he knows all about safety measures, or we'll have dozens of little G-Spark's running around the place.