Ambrosia Software Web Board: How to Get a Girlfriend? - Ambrosia Software Web Board

Hey, I've never had a girlfriend in my life, so does anyone have any suggestions? I would really appreciate it.

And if this belongs in a different place, so be it.

Don't.

Girls are absolutely ######ing awful.

It really varies based on the girl. No two girls are exactly alike, and therefore, if you're going to pursue a girl it will vary (perhaps slightly, perhaps a great deal) from girl to girl.

And how old are you? 13? 14? Don't worry about girls at your age, there's plenty of time left.

If you hit forty though, you need to make a movie.

This post has been edited by Sniper Kitty: 17 October 2008 - 10:05 PM

I've heard girls are pretty bad.

And being as I'm 14, I guess I could wait a bit.

Although I would really like to know from experience why girls are so ****ing awful.

Be confident. Even if you're not, as the saying says, fake it 'til you make it. If you fake it enough at your age, by the time it counts, you'll be fine and getting plenty of action.

-Pufer

You know when you see a girl who you can only describe as being an angel, get that little tug in your heart, and you go after her only to be pushed back? When you suddenly get weaker because of love lost? When you lose a part of yourself you never knew you had? Then you'll know why girls are awful little devils.

Oh boy... And who am I? A hopeless romantic who realized that love at first sight was possible, was willing to pursue that love to the ends of the Earth and was scathed for it, that's who. You're better off abstaining from getting a girlfriend until you see a girl who you think you'd be truly happy with, and you know what it means to say "I love you." If she's not interested, we can start a "Bachelors for Life" club.

Zaphod, if you need to ask how to get a girlfriend, you don't need a girlfriend.

If worse comes to worse, your question will be "How do I get her to be my girlfriend?"

But really, when the time comes, you'll know what to do.

Step one is most definitely not "ask strangers on the Internet about it."

My advice - don't try to get a girlfriend, just try to be friends with a few girls. I was in a similar place to you a few years ago - virtually zero experience whatsoever with girls. Trust me, you do not want to jump in and try to get into a relationship before you've got a few female friends to talk to and fall back on.

I might also suggest asking random girls if they'd like to have sex with you. "Hi there! You don't know me, but would you perhaps like to go back to my place and have sex?" If you ever find a girl just shuffling down the street who says yes to that in an American accent (and she doesn't immediately start talking prices), you've found an intriguing prospect. According to studies, exactly 0% of American women actually say yes to such a query. In contrast, around 6% of european women will answer in the affirmative.

Roughly three quarters of American males will automatically answer in the affirmative; a group that I'm too ######ing stupid to be a member of. I was asked exactly once by a random girl in high school if I wanted to go out to the back my truck (I had a camper shell and a nice comfy carpet kit, which she apparently knew about) and ######, in exactly those words. I understood her but my response was still, "What?" She responded, "Never mind." and walked away. It's possible that she was just ######ing with me, but I'll never know.

Therefore, I might also suggest that if anyone ever asks you if you want to ######, automatically say yes. You can always get out of it later if you decide that she's horrifying or it was just some guy propositioning you (and you don't want to give that the old college try), but I think that it's best to not limit your options by saying something stupid like, "What?"

-Pufer

Pufer, on Oct 17 2008, 07:41 PM, said:

I used to be confident, until that confidence nearly eliminated my friendship with her. When I finally gave up and stopped talking to her, she started talking to me. I'm thinking you don't necessarily need confidence until you ask her out, which I did. Her tone indicated she may like me, but is not sure because she doesn't know me well.

JacaByte, on Oct 17 2008, 07:43 PM, said:

You know, I think I know pretty much everything about this girl, and just by observing her actions on a bad day, I can tell why she's having a bad day.
And I've noticed when we talk, we're pretty much exactly the same, aside from gender. But, of course, she doesn't know me very well, so she doesn't know we're alike.

Rickton, on Oct 17 2008, 08:28 PM, said:

I'm kind of stupid about these things....

Mispeled, on Oct 17 2008, 08:58 PM, said:

The only girls I ever befriended were so ######ing annoying I left them for guys about a year after I met them. Besides, I usually just treat everyone like people. I don't separate genders and act accordingly. People are people in my eyes.

Captain Zaphod Beeblebrox, on Oct 18 2008, 01:12 AM, said:

So this topic could be "How to get a Girlfriend Non-gender specific life partner"?

Captain Zaphod Beeblebrox, on Oct 18 2008, 12:12 AM, said:

I can tell you if anybody is having a bad day just by looking at them. They don't have to be close friends; such down-in-the-dirt feelings are universally understood.

She knows a lot more than you think she does. Trust me, she does. Don't underestimate her. Don't overestimate her either, for that matter. They don't like that for some reason...

You'll get a much better deal on eBay than high street prices.

Girls love poetry. For reason, though, the limerick doesn't seem to do it for them.

Captain Zaphod Beeblebrox, on Oct 18 2008, 02:12 AM, said:

Eh, going out with someone exactly the same as you doesn't work that well.
Or, well, it didn't work for me, but I'm a pessimistic, bitter misanthrope so the two of us together was just like a black hole of apocalyptic angst.
Your mileage may vary based upon your own life outlook and personality.

Captain Zaphod Beeblebrox, on Oct 18 2008, 02:12 AM, said:

You know everything about her, but she doesn't know much about you?
Stalker.

Captain Zaphod Beeblebrox, on Oct 18 2008, 02:12 AM, said:

Well then the answer is clear, just date guys instead. Or, if it goes the other way, be asexual and try to beat this lady's record.

dude3, on Oct 18 2008, 11:48 AM, said:

Definitely read that as "girls love poverty."
But do they love impoverished poets, is the question.

(Answer: )

Don't even think about it until you're at LEAST 16. Trust me, you've got your whole life to wallow in that bullcrap, no need to rush into one of life's biggest complications.

You're probably better off not worrying about it until you get to college. Girlfriends can be nice, but they're not worth the time and effort at that age.

You are your own age. If you feel like you want a girlfriend, go for it. Maybe it'll work out, maybe you'll hate it. Who knows. Personally, I'm not real sure what type of relationship would exist between two 14-year-olds (my guess: not much of one - almost certainly not enough of one to warrant the misgivings of everyone else regarding complexity), but don't let that stop you. Live your own life, seize the day, do various other things!

-Pufer

You came to the internet for advice on your love life?

I feel very sad for you, my friend. Very.

Quote

This is logical enough.

"Take chances, Make mistakes, Get messy!*"






* Interpret that as you will.

Sniper Kitty, on Oct 17 2008, 10:27 PM, said:

I never thought of that....

JacaByte, on Oct 18 2008, 06:30 AM, said:

Maybe, it's because they feel stressed about how much you expect them to know. I dunno, it'd be interesting to find out.

dude3, on Oct 18 2008, 07:48 AM, said:

That'll be tough. 'Cause I hate poetry. Plus, I don't know of any good poetry in the first place.

Pufer, on Oct 18 2008, 02:07 PM, said:

Using this as a backup to a post posted earlier in this topic, I think it would actually be a good idea to take it slow, and get a good friendship going.

Shlimazel, on Oct 18 2008, 02:23 PM, said:

I know, it is pretty sad pathetic.

zamzx zik, on Oct 18 2008, 02:25 PM, said:

1st interpretation: I have taken quite a few chances in the past, most of which were mistakes, and that messed up our friendship for a while there.

2nd interpretation: She's not into any of that sex stuff. 50% of those chances stated above is the reason I know that.

3rd interpretation: That's the only way to eventually be able to throw spaghetti (sauce included) 10 feet in the air and catch all of it in your mouth.

Captain Zaphod Beeblebrox, on Oct 18 2008, 06:04 PM, said:

First, develop a liking for poetry. Read some Poe or something. Next, If you know her well enough and talk on MSN or whatever, just make up random and romantic poetry. Eventually it will get ridiculous and she'll start laughing at your poem and she'll like you more.

Whatever you do, don't do it in the way I have.

Picture this.

You meet this girl. Things develop strangely. She wants to love you, but she can't. Her friends begin berating you both, she flips out at them, she attempts to kill herself, fails, and she and all her friends blame you. But she still is trying to love you.

JUST DON'T STICK AROUND LIKE I HAVE.

It doesn't get better.