Ambrosia Software Web Board: How to Get a Girlfriend? - Ambrosia Software Web Board

Stick to video games.

Pufer, on Nov 5 2008, 08:42 PM, said:

Hm. I have to admit, I wasn't taking into account the whole insufferably stuffy lawyer thing. You're on your own with them.

But I approve of the tennis at least. I've actually known lots of tennis players (it is big with Asian-Americans), and I've been trying to find an excuse to dig the racquet out again myself after years of neglect.

I had tennis lessons for years and years as a kid. I stopped because I was just there for a bit of fun, and everyone else in my class was going pro, had strict diets and routines for it, so it took the shine off it.

An acquaintance of mine managed to reproduce a few years back and is now stressing out about how complicated her life is. As far as I can tell, it mostly has to do with shuttling her dreadful children from event to event at all hours of the day. She ended up telling me about this horrible problem and I suggested that she stop enrolling her dreadful children in various lessons, sports teams, etc.

In typical fashion, she looked at me like I had suggested that she chop up her kids and feed them to rabid dogs (I tend to get that look a lot when I make advice which seems an awful lot like common sense to me).

"I can't do that!"
"Why not?"
"They're involved in too much."
"If it's too much, why don't you reduce it."
"They have fun!"
"What the ###### do you care. If it's killing you, why don't you knock it down a little."
"What would they do with their time?"
"Read. Watch TV. Play amongst themselves. Who cares? They're kids."
"But they're learning valuable skills."
"Horseback riding?"
"It teaches love for animals."
"Heh."
"No, really. How could they get to love animals if they never see any."
"What about soccer?"
"How else would they learn sportsmanship?"
"Does it really matter?"
"Of course it does. You're in college, I'm sure you learned lots of valuable things from your activities when you were a kid."
"No, not really. I didn't really have any activities when I was a kid."
"Weren't you a boy scout?"
"Cub scout, but I finished Webelos too quickly, so they kicked me out because they didn't want the rest of my troop to feel bad. Of course, I only was a scout because the meetings happened to be at the same time as my mother's church school board meetings and she needed someplace to dump me. I never did use the stilts, y'know, they..."
"Yes, yes. Church groups then."
"I learned fairly early on that church was generally a bunch of bullcrap. Cub Scouts was close enough, anyway."
"You must've done some sports."
"Nah. Unless you call physical and occupational therapy a sport. Really weren't any other kids involved though."
"Instrument lessons?"
"Nope. At least not outside of school."
"Tennis lessons?"
"Nope. Never even played, as a matter of fact."
"Riding lessons?"
"I was once thrown off of a former champion race horse, if that counts for anything. Not much by way of lessons, though."
"Any clubs?"
"Nah. At least not until we invented a fake club to put on our college applications in high school. It was all official and everything, we just didn't do anything, unless drinking in the parking lot instead of going to class counts as doing something."
"You must've done something!"
"No, not really. Frankly, I didn't much leave the house. And that's the thing, it didn't much matter. Simply because I didn't have baseball practice between piano and tennis lessons, looking forward to the big Boy Scout event this weekend right after the soccer game doesn't mean that I really missed out on much that matters. Sure, I've never played tennis, but I'm not sure how big a drawback that's been in my life. At any time, if I were so inclined, I could've picked it up; I just haven't. There's no reason to overburden your kids and yourself simply because society or your kids themselves say that it is desirable. Cut some of the superfluous s### out, and take some time to just sit around. Just let it flow for once."
"Yeah, okay. I gotta' go."
"Cool. Been nice talking to you."

I think she was going to pick one of her progeny up from some ridiculous thing or another. I honestly don't get the whole youth activities thing. Tennis lessons and the like just sound so incredibly dreadful and pointless in the grand scheme of things.

-Pufer

Lektor, on Nov 10 2008, 02:23 AM, said:

Aye, I gave up soccer for the same reason after many years. But in college I've found a new wave of people playing sports casually, which has been a nice surprise.

Pufer, on Nov 10 2008, 11:05 PM, said:

Eh, like everything else they are good in moderation. I was a pretty self-motivated kid and my parents tended to actually give me some say in what I did, so a fair amount of the stuff I did actually meant something to me and as such I've kept it up all these years, in some way or another. If I hadn't had piano lessons, for example, my life would be very different in a emptier way.

When kids are made to do these things against their will it's a tricker case, but even then I've definitely seen kids in Boy Scouts, as an example, who went through the whole thing pretty indifferently at best but clearly benefited from it- provided that you think that there is some benefit in regular physical activity, exposure to natural light, and social/communicative/leadership abilities. But, of course, for each of these kids there are several who the whole thing is obviously a waste of time for, and if you just go for signing your kid up for every activity indiscriminately they'll probably not have the time or energy for any one of them anyway.


But more importantly-

Pufer, on Nov 10 2008, 11:05 PM, said:

*draws up chair, leans in expectantly*

This post has been edited by Veritus Dartarion: 11 November 2008 - 03:18 AM

Captain Zaphod Beeblebrox, on Nov 6 2008, 05:34 PM, said:

I can speak to the racecar driver part. Firstly NASCAR is an engineer's game, not a driver's game. The faster driver is the one who has the better engineered car and makes the fewest mistakes. This is NOT something to participate in if you truly enjoy driving and the fact that Americans are so enamored with it I think speaks to poor taste in entertainment.

Club Racing is truly where the sport becomes interesting for novice drivers, assuming you have the budget to pay for a decent car and the drive to learn how to exceed your pre-conceived notion of what is possible in an automobile. A Porsche GT3 with R-Compound tires can go simply unbelievably fast, most people are not ready for the turn of speed. We all go about our lives appreciating 0-60 times of 8-15 seconds, cornering G forces of 0.6 annoy us, and short braking distances jar us. This barely scratches the surface of what is possible in a car, and generally when you put somebody who is used to the mundane in a track car with a good driver they finish the first few corners with an empty bladder.

While it is a blast to race sometimes, putting so much focus and meaning into a number ultimately takes away from the core experience that should be had from an automobile. The simple unmitigated joy of driving a fantastic car. No time am I happier than when there are no numbers and I can grin every minute I drive some of the most beautiful roads in the world in a car I've poured blood, sweat, and tears into. That is driving, and that is absolutely timeless.

I would write about relationships too, but the previous paragraph sums up my feelings about them (if you think abstractly).

Also you should really think very long and hard about the military as your career path. Remember that when you sign that form you sell your soul to them. It isn't quite as bad in the Navy and Air Force because you are more detached from combat. However, you still are not entirely in control of your own destiny and if that isn't properly scary I don't know what is.

This entire topic is somewhat amusing. Girlfriends are a part of your life that will come when they come, go when they go, and usually when you are least prepared or most vulnerable. You will deal, life will go on, good times and bad times will be had by all. It is a roller coaster and no amount of preparing can prepare you.

Spoony, on Nov 11 2008, 04:41 AM, said:

Hopefully every time, but I guess it's not a perfect world.

I had piano lessons, dance lessons, acting lessons, french lessons, tennis lessons and horse riding lessons. one every weekday evening, and tennis on Sunday mornings. That was mostly because I was home educated, so my mother wanted to make sure I had a wide variety of lessons.

It must be said that when I was really given a choice on the matter, I quit them one by one. And to be honest I sort of regret doing so, especially piano and French.

Sniper Kitty, on Nov 8 2008, 02:25 AM, said:

You can in fact date girls in the video games Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and IV.

Jeremiah, on Nov 11 2008, 03:46 PM, said:

HarHar

Yeah, I didn't realize we were going to turn pages otherwise I'd have quoted him.

Sniper Kitty, on Nov 7 2008, 07:25 PM, said:

It was just that I was about to give him some serious advice about the USAF "to do", but then when I'd previewed my post I'd seen that he had written that bit. At that point I went ahead and deleted everything I'd written and replaced it with that line.

Where is CZB anyway?

I was just busy these last few days.

Honestly, I've gotten to the point where I don't really care about having a girlfriend. Although it would be nice to have a girlfriend, I'm thinking I would like to become good friends with her, so that she trusts me quite a bit more, then make futile attempts.

At this point, the USAF would be a last resort. I'm still thinking of what I may do in the future, though.

Captain Zaphod Beeblebrox, on Nov 11 2008, 10:41 PM, said:

Well congratulations, it takes years for most people to reach that level of maturity.

Captain Zaphod Beeblebrox, on Nov 11 2008, 08:41 PM, said:

Sell porn.

-Pufer

Just a random thought...

Where is Vell-os anyway?

Pufer, on Nov 11 2008, 08:59 PM, said:

Hehheh, no.
Quite honestly, I don't need that reputation again.
Otherwise, I might think about it.

Sniper Kitty, on Nov 11 2008, 09:20 PM, said:

That's a great question.
Well, hopefully, he really is a Vell-os, and he senses that he's "needed" in these forums, and hopefully, he didn't get his hair stuck in the vacuum again.

This post has been edited by Captain Zaphod Beeblebrox: 12 November 2008 - 01:35 AM

Spoony, on Nov 11 2008, 01:41 AM, said:

Three quick things:
-You only sign for four years at a time. After those four years of service are up, you choose whether or not you want to serve another term. Granted, "career path" implies more than that.
-Every branch sees combat. How much of it you see depends on your job, if you go for support (generally behind the lines, like an Intelligence Analyst) you'll see very little (if any) combat compared to signing for infantry.
-You don't sell your soul, you just agree to follow more strict rules. You can not follow them if you choose, but an Un-honorable Discharge is looked down on more than being fired from say Pizza Hut for a disagreement with your boss. So in actuality, your just under more scrutiny.

Spoony, on Nov 11 2008, 01:41 AM, said:

Are you entirely in control of your own destiny anyways?

-- Going back to the topic..

Something that probably has been said to some effect already:

Having a girl friend feels like the best thing that could ever happen to you just did. The down side to this is that, if it goes bad, it will hurt. You can tell yourself that it won't hurt, but the reality is, when you open up to some one like that, it will. And it will hurt for some time, with little reminders here and there bringing back up the pain.

The only way to not get hurt like that, is if you don't open up. But then, if your not going to open up to this girl that you have fallen head over heels for, what was the point of wanting to get closer?

The flip side to this, is:
Having someone who you can trust and be with to this degree (implying more than talking with a best friend) is so 'good'. Its kind of hard to describe, but when your dating someone that truly cares for you as well, its easier to open up to each other and get various issues off your chest that you otherwise wouldn't have mentioned to other people.

--Personal Experience:

Some people will tell you never to date an ex. My advice, it depends. Since your 14, I would say you don't have to have a girl friend, it won't kill you. Even if your enjoying a long good relationship, it complicates some things. You can be friends with a lot of people, but once you start dating a girl, you'll see where lines are drawn between friends, and learn about some issues that you never heard about before.

The girl who I am currently dating, I broke up with the end of sophomore year. It had been a good relationship except for, I had been so caught up with the fact that I had a girl friend, we didn't really spend time together or do anything. There would be a day after school or so where we'd spend some time together, but that was about it. We broke up 6 weeks later, because of my stupidity. It really hurt, because everything I did wrong slowly sunk in. Thankfully though, due to us having the same class, the awkwardness between us went away and we became friends (which we kinda skipped before).

After two more relationships that ended badly (one which was actually kind of nice, and one in which the girl was just using me (two different girls)), we ended up becoming better friends. About April, we went to a dance as a part of a group of friends, and the two of us got to do a few slow dances together (both of us hate dancing, and I still insist I can't dance to save my life). Anyways, to prevent this from turning into a biography, we're doing great with the tuesday from last week marking our 5 months of dating (Yes, I like to keep track). Before that, from April to June, we just flirted a lot until I asked her out again and she agreed.

That probably wasn't the kind of advice that you were looking for, but there it is...

Last few things:
-If you never kissed a girl before, yeah the first couple of times are going to be slightly awkward, and you'll be nervous.

-Sex isn't everything. Yeah it can be nice, but you really don't need to worry about this to have a good relationship. I've spent about two years with this girl now, and we are enjoying this without having sex.

-Actually asking people dating advice is a good thing, even over the internet. If they make fun of you or just be an ###, you don't have to talk with them again. I've asked (over IRC) a few people about my issues, both relationship/dating wise, and about life in general. Its interesting how many people offer advice, and you can learn from other's past mistakes, or decide to try it yourself and see what happens.


Sorry, that was really a whole lot longer than it probably needed to be, but if you want to learn from my experiences, I'd be happy to answer any questions about them.

-Dark

Im interested to know how a perosn with 485 posts has an edited title...

Also that he immediately shares his experience after probably years of not posting...

He is to be saluted.

My personal view of the army is it's a waste of time. I've watched full metal jacket / saving private Ryan / all quiet on the western front (read it aswell as Birdsong). It's another tool of chaos. People who die to save their country (ww1 and 2) I respect and praise but what with Iraq and all this "terrorism" it all seems a trifle stupid. I'm only 17 and my views are probably ignorant or w/e but it seems a shame to waste your life for the good of a "democratic" country that invade other places for oil.. Then whinges when they get attacked back.

I agree. I have no problems with the soldiers, but the war in Iraq is stupid.

undead_shadow, on Nov 12 2008, 06:54 AM, said:

Years and years ago, you used to only get a custom member title if El Presidente gave you one.

He's posted far more recently than years ago. Before you make uninformed assumptions at least do a little research.

The military can be more than a waste of time, IMO. And it's 'whines,' not 'whinges.' To say that we invaded solely because of oil is disingenuous – it might be a reason, but the sole reason? Doubtful.

As far as dating goes, Zaphod, you've got years and years to worry about this. If you like a girl, be her friend, and develop the relationship from there. Would you really want to date someone you couldn't get along with, anyhow?

undead_shadow, on Nov 12 2008, 05:54 AM, said:

Right after the switch from UBB, for a while, the custom title option was available to everyone. Being that Dark Jet is an old-timer, he was here and probably able to grab it during that short period.

-Pufer

I have infinite respect for people who are willing to lay their life on the line to defend our country. I have infinite scorn and disgust for the people who put those troops in harm's way for bullcrap reasons.

Do you agree with the war in Iraq or not?


What makes you want to join the army Zaphod anyway?

I don't think we should have gone to Iraq. Now that we're there, though, the situation gets a lot more complicated.

I didn't intend for my side comment to take this onto a tangent about Iraq and the military. But, I just have to ask... What's so bad about the military? (and Zaphod mentioned the USAF, not the Army, they're different in principles and standards )

and Yes, I edited my title when the boards changed over, however, I'm stuck with it till I can get up to 1000 posts :/ I have posted recently, just on different boards, which had first drawn me here in the beginning, and this might be my first (or second) post in ATT.

Anyways... Back to the topic at hand, was I any assistance to you, Zaphod (and others)?

-Dark

undead_shadow, on Nov 12 2008, 12:23 PM, said:

I'm really not entirely sure. Maybe it's because I've had a lot of respect of the Army, but I don't know. I've just always wanted to be one of them.