Ambrosia Software Web Board: It's been a while.. - Ambrosia Software Web Board

It's been a while since we had a love topic. So here goes. Actually - I'd classify it more as a "first date" and completely effing frustrating topic. But it's become a concern of mine. Do guys prefer a forward girl or does that whole, "Men are hunters and won't like you if you are easy to get" kind of mindset apply?

Since the majority of you are young men, I'm curious what you find more attractive in a girl.

Go for it - or - Wait for it

(When I say "it" I mean like.. hand holding or a kiss on the cheek)

Do you prefer to make the first move? Or do you prefer the girl do it (after all.. you don't know if she likes you)

Thoughts, comments, opinions?

I'll be the first to admit that I really don't know what the hell I'm doing, so, unless she makes the first move, it's not going to get made. It's not a matter of attractiveness, it's more a matter of practicality.

-Pufer

Well that's very interesting isn't it. I always figured Pufer was the type to just get it all out there.

But I suppose that's after she makes the first move.

This post has been edited by moonunit4eva: 24 August 2007 - 01:04 AM

It should be the girl, just because most guys are interested all the time, whereas girls might not be.

Hmm. I find a girl who wants me to make the first move more attractive, usually. If we're dating, I think I'd have a pretty good idea of whether she likes me or not. If a girl wants to make the first move, I'm not necessarily against it - but I'd rather make it myself - set a pace for the relationship, if you will. I'm a bit old-fashioned in that way. Plus, girls who are more... forward... usually don't have a viewpoint that matches mine (in terms of morality and such), which would make it harder for us to have a relationship.

Pufer, on Aug 23 2007, 11:34 PM, said:

Ditto.

I'm absolutely terrible at reading body language, and picking up on 'subtle hints' people make (I believe I might actually have mild Autism, runs in the family), so I suck at the whole first move thing. Simply because I can't pick up on whether or not the girl is interested, and thus am often too scared of making a fool of myself.

I've had more than 4 girls say to me, quite a while after the event, that they were sending me hint after hint, and I had no idea. Most annoying because they were all fairly attractive!

So, I'd be more than happy to make the first move, but the only time anything has happened between me and a girl, she's made the first move...

I'm going to go along with the consensus all-american opinion and agree that I prefer when the girl makes the first move. Although you are asking a bunch of guys on the internet, who are probably a teensy bit more introverted than normal.

I'd go with neither. It really would just depend on the girl, and the situation. Aka; I wouldn't mind moving first, if it was the _right_ thing to do.

If that makes any sense...

That makes sense. I tend to see it Mackilroy's way. That's just how I was raised, so this whole "you should go for it" thing is totally weird to me.

I ask the introverted ones because those are the kind most intelligent girls go for.

Pufer, on Aug 23 2007, 10:34 PM, said:

I'm with Pufer on this one. There is simply no way I will ever be the one to make the first move, mostly because I'm far too shy.

Even though I have voted Man, my wife made the move on me; at the pub, she suddenly held my hand and there was sparks.

Altogether now...aaaaahhhhhhh

Essentially...it doesn't really matter as long as it gets done. There aren't be any "rules" as to what's "right." Neither is wrong, neither is right...

That said, I find playing hard to get to be obnoxious and likely will be counterproductive. Forwardness=good. Making first move=better.

On an entirely unrelated note, Fast Reply has gone nuts and all the buttons are missing....

(edit:...which caused me to forget to actually answer the question.)

This post has been edited by The Journalist: 24 August 2007 - 12:48 PM

I'm not talking about playing hard to get. That's just dumb. I hate games.

*rants*

I also agree with Mackilroy.

This also brings to question the changing social roles of men and women in the modern Western World. I'm all for Women's Rights and Girl Power and such, but there are also "places" for men and women that make our social system work. But these days it seems that these roles are reversible (for example, stay at home mom vs. stay at home dad [this is a bad example because there doesn't have to be a stay-at-home parent...but take it with a grain of salt, mmkay?]), and there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with this as long as both roles are filled.

Now to answer the question: whoever does the pursuing is going to be the more dominant person in the relationship (takes change, gets things done, etc) while the "pursue-ee" is going to be more passive in the relationship. I think most people will agree that Dominant and Dominant won't work (produces too many arguments and clashes) and Passive and Passive won't work (nothing will ever get done and everything will remain stagnant).

Now, I admittedly can be incredibly flirtatious, I'm not afraid to let people know that I am interested. However, I tend to take the more passive role in the relationship (read: I don't like to be pushed around, quite the opposite, but I don't like to be bossy or pushy), so for me, the preference would be to pursued by the man, because he obviously has qualities I look for in a mate.

So, its not necessarily about the sex of the person, but rather their personality.

Well said. This is why I always go to you for advice

vecoriwen, on Aug 24 2007, 01:33 PM, said:

Wouldn't that risk giving off the opposite impression, that you really aren't going for the passive role?

moonunit4eva, on Aug 23 2007, 11:37 PM, said:

If the female is up for a conversation on what's going on (I'm talking, "Hi there, I'd like to make a move here and would be curious as to whether you would be open to such an action and would be quite interested in the form that you would like said move to take."), I'd be more than happy to get it all out there. I don't have a problem in incorporating others' desires and aims into my worldview, where my problem comes is in coming up with what others' desires and aims are if they are not made explicit or fit into a framework that I've clearly predefined for myself.

Lektor, on Aug 24 2007, 05:17 AM, said:

Aspergers FTW! I'm fortunate enough to have a mobile anchor subject (which is to say, the subject that I become fixated on and subsequently learn everything there is to learn about changes from time to time, rather quickly in my case, and I maintain knowledge of all previous subjects), so I'm not quite as dull or obvious as the aspergers types who can talk about nothing at all but their single anchor subject, but I'm every bit as dependent on created social frameworks rather than intuition in any social situation, including those involving romantic implications. As I've not been able to create a framework for really any romantic/sexual situations at all, I legitimately and completely haven't the faintest idea of what I'm doing. I'm not kidding at all when I make the statement that I have absolutely no conception of how one would go about picking a time to make a move because my brain is wired in such a way that, unless I could somehow come up with a set rule that I could follow in every eventuality (my responses in a conversation are ordered and prompted by specific stimuli-"Hello. How are you doing?" gets "I'm doing alright, how you doing?" every time, and I can't come up with any other response in the moment. If I start of with "Hi there, how are you doing?" and the other person answers, "I'm doing fine, how are you doing?" I respond "I'm doing alright, how are you doing?" repeating the question because the set phrase is in there [I've learned to not lead off with "Hi there, how are you doing?"]), I only know what to do by directly applicable experience. If even a couple variables are different from my experience and I have no rule that seems applicable, I'd just be guessing at what I should be doing and will usually do nothing instead (mainly because my guess could result in my doing just about anything as I have no clue of what is expected of my role in any particuar unknown situation).

-Pufer

Pufer, on Aug 25 2007, 02:27 AM, said:

Is it possible to read books that give descriptions of and prescriptions for various social cues (eg, a girl touching your arm means she's interested)?

This post has been edited by dude3: 25 August 2007 - 04:15 AM

dude3, on Aug 25 2007, 03:14 AM, said:

There is stuff out there like that, but I've found that textbook descriptions are rarely specific enough to be useful in all situations. For instance, I would have to take a rule such as "if she's touching your arm, she's interested" to be true in all cases; as I'm pretty sure women will touch your arm occasionally for other reasons, the rule probably wouldn't work. I can (and have) filed it under the category of "potential sign of interest" but I really don't have a rule on when/how many of those are necessary.

Anyway, I tend to misconstrue being friendly with being interested as the cues aren't particularly specific (at least, as far as I can tell). Of the most recent five women I've thought to be interested, two were married and were just being friendly, two were involved with people I knew (unbeknownst to me at the time, both of said ladies are now good friends of mine) and were just being friendly, and the fifth actually was interested but I was only able to figure that out afterwards (with assistance), well after I had decided that she was probably just being friendly and wasn't actually interested. Fortunately, I apparently do treat interest as friendship rather than see it as a threat or something (as some will), so I either appear dense or merely uninterested in return, but am at least friendly, so I usually don't wind up insulting/hurting/embarrassing people (I hope).

-Pufer

I'll say the woman because 60% of the time, all the time. I have a hard time reading them.

How depressing.

I mean.. really. How incredibly depressing.

I'll probably agree with that assessment.

-Pufer

Oh and not to mention the fact that I like women to be in control when it comes to those instances. I like to be man-handled by a woman...so to speak.

*cough* <insert obvious bad joke here> *cough*