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If you had to cut off somebody's head...

Poll: Best Implement (21 member(s) have cast votes)

What is the right tool for the job?

  1. Hacksaw (1 votes [1.96%])

    Percentage of vote: 1.96%

  2. Axe (9 votes [17.65%])

    Percentage of vote: 17.65%

  3. Chainsaw (4 votes [7.84%])

    Percentage of vote: 7.84%

  4. Large Knife (1 votes [1.96%])

    Percentage of vote: 1.96%

  5. A really, really slow moving laser that gives plenty of time for the protagonist to squirm free of whatever bonds they happen to be trapped in (36 votes [70.59%])

    Percentage of vote: 70.59%

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#1 User is offline   mrxak 

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Post icon  Posted 02 July 2008 - 08:30 AM

This is a time-sensitive question, so I'd appreciate your voting in the poll quickly.

Also, for extra credit: bowling bag or plastic shopping bag?
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#2 User is offline   JacaByte 

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Posted 02 July 2008 - 09:45 AM

None of the above; a broadsword should do the trick

EC: Bowling bag.

#3 User is offline   The Journalist 

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Posted 02 July 2008 - 09:57 AM

Chainsaw, Resident Evil 4 style.
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#4 User is offline   mrxak 

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Posted 02 July 2008 - 10:01 AM

View PostJacaByte, on Jul 2 2008, 09:45 AM, said:

None of the above; a broadsword should do the trick


A broadsword is kinda like a large knife...
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#5 User is offline   Shlimazel 

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Posted 02 July 2008 - 10:17 AM

Chainsaw is definitely the right tool for the job. Either that or a minigun. Personally I'd rather use the minigun.

#6 User is offline   Pufer 

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Posted 02 July 2008 - 10:45 AM

Chainsaw is loud, takes a couple seconds, and will completely cover you (and everything else) with blood. Axe is quick and clean, and is the only one of the above listed to be in wide use historically for decapitation purposes. Bowling bag.

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#7 User is offline   Rickton 

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Posted 02 July 2008 - 12:30 PM

Uh...guillotine?
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#8 User is offline   mrxak 

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Posted 02 July 2008 - 12:38 PM

A Guillotine isn't really a tool. You can't exactly pick one up and carry it around with you.
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#9 User is offline   Rickton 

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Posted 02 July 2008 - 01:37 PM

If it's not a tool than what is it?

It may not be a hand-held tool, but it's a device that makes a certain job easier, which makes it a tool.

You didn't really specify the details of the job, how were we supposed to know you needed a portable tool?
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#10 User is offline   Lektor 

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Posted 02 July 2008 - 01:43 PM

I'll second Axe and Bowling bag.
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#11 User is offline   mrxak 

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Posted 02 July 2008 - 03:35 PM

View PostRickton, on Jul 2 2008, 01:37 PM, said:

If it's not a tool than what is it?

It may not be a hand-held tool, but it's a device that makes a certain job easier, which makes it a tool.

You didn't really specify the details of the job, how were we supposed to know you needed a portable tool?


It's a machine. I did not specify portable, but I did specify tool and a time factor. And the list was of relatively common household items, or at least something you could go out and buy. Where would one go to buy a Guillotine, I ask you.
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#12 User is offline   dude3 

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Posted 02 July 2008 - 03:38 PM

I voted for chainsaw, but on reconsideration I need more details. Is the person alive? Is there a need for secrecy? What kind of axe is it? Sure, axes have been used for decapitation, but I doubt Joe Blow with his dad's old firewood axe could do a very effective job.
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#13 User is offline   Rickton 

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Posted 02 July 2008 - 06:23 PM

View Postmrxak, on Jul 2 2008, 04:35 PM, said:

Where would one go to buy a Guillotine, I ask you.

Real men make their own. :P
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#14 User is offline   Anax 

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Posted 02 July 2008 - 06:38 PM

Axe would definitely be the easiest, anyone arguing otherwise is retarded. Russian soldiers taught us that a beheading with a knife is difficult and time-consuming, any amount of time spent with a hacksaw would tell you it's just plain clumsy, and everyone voting chainsaw has probably never touched one in their lives.
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Posted 02 July 2008 - 09:48 PM

My bare hands.
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Posted 02 July 2008 - 10:19 PM

Ditto to Jacabyte's post.
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#17 User is offline   Edwin| 

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Posted 03 July 2008 - 07:13 PM

View Postmrxak, on Jul 2 2008, 06:30 AM, said:

This is a time-sensitive question, so I'd appreciate your voting in the poll quickly.

Also, for extra credit: bowling bag or plastic shopping bag?



why is this a time-sensitive question? who's head are you hacking off?


to answer the poll: of the items listed, a broad-headed axe would be best. however jacabyte's suggestion of a broadsword is best. a sword is much easier to swing accurately than an axe.

and no, a sword is not a big knife.

This post has been edited by Edwin|: 03 July 2008 - 07:19 PM

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#18 User is offline   Sundered Angel 

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Posted 03 July 2008 - 09:49 PM

I can't believe you left out the most obvious of tools for the job.
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#19 User is offline   Pufer 

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Posted 03 July 2008 - 11:28 PM

Head in a cage with starving rats wouldn't be too bad either. You wouldn't need a bag.

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#20 User is offline   mrxak 

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Posted 04 July 2008 - 05:12 AM

No, I'm gonna need the head largely intact.

Also, I ask you where I'm going to find a real sword on short notice.
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#21 User is offline   Lektor 

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Posted 04 July 2008 - 08:33 AM

eBay?

Or, well, lets see, you live in America. Your supermarkets sell guns, you really telling me you can't find a single sword shop anywhere?

I imagine you'll have more difficulty finding a bowling bag! :P
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#22 User is offline   NTiOzymandias 

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Posted 04 July 2008 - 11:39 AM

View PostLektor, on Jul 4 2008, 09:33 AM, said:

Or, well, lets see, you live in America. Your supermarkets sell guns, you really telling me you can't find a single sword shop anywhere?

Swords are for dirty liberals. They don't sell them anywhere.

Hunting knives, on the other hand....
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Posted 04 July 2008 - 11:49 AM

Go for the laser, but rig the doorway with an axe so that when your unfortunate victim escapes the lasers and runs out the door, he gets his (or her) head removed anyway. Irony.
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#24 User is offline   Pufer 

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Posted 04 July 2008 - 01:58 PM

View PostLektor, on Jul 4 2008, 07:33 AM, said:

eBay?

Or, well, lets see, you live in America. Your supermarkets sell guns, you really telling me you can't find a single sword shop anywhere?

I imagine you'll have more difficulty finding a bowling bag! :P


I got three bowling alleys within about a mile of me, and I'm sure that one of them would sell me a bowling bag. While I do know of a place I could buy a sword in town, as far as I know it's the only sword store in town (it'd also be really expensive, which is why my sword/knife wholesale license comes in handy as everyone who wants a sword/big ######ing knife for cheap can just come to me).

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#25 User is offline   mrxak 

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Posted 04 July 2008 - 04:19 PM

View PostLektor, on Jul 4 2008, 08:33 AM, said:

eBay?

Or, well, lets see, you live in America. Your supermarkets sell guns, you really telling me you can't find a single sword shop anywhere?

I imagine you'll have more difficulty finding a bowling bag! :P


I don't know of any supermarkets that sell guns, although I do know of a few places in the area. Even then, that's not short enough notice anyway, I'd need to do the standard waiting period. A sword though, no clue.

And I could definitely buy a bowling bag and have it in my possession within 10 minutes, 15 tops.
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