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Originally posted by nemo:
Love isn't really an absolute. You know when you're in it, but it's hard to describe.
It can and must be distinguished from a crush, or proximity infatuation. When you have a crush on someone, it may feel like love (personal experience, met a girl while walking home from school one day in 8th grade and became somewhat obsessed with her for the next year or so, once crying myself to sleep over the notion that I'd never have her, though I'd only spoken a couple dozen words to her) but when you've felt true love, you look back at crushes and they seem empty and utterly pointless.
I think that love is something that's built slowly on trust and selflessness. To me, love at first sight is a complete crock.
I met the woman I plan to marry when we were both 15 in our 10th grade english class in December 2001. She was fun to talk to and had neat ideas, and by the end of the year I began hanging out with her friends rather than my own, who I don't really have anything in common with anymore. When our junior year began, we sat together in our chemistry class and were lab partners all year. In February 2003 something bad happened between her and her family. She opened up to me for the first time and told me things about herself that I'd never guessed, and I did everything I could to help her through this difficult time. Looking back, she notes that I was the only one who was trying to support her and help her reestablish trust with her family, rather than, as her other friends were doing, trying to get her to stop letting her parents force their will on her. The next time I saw her, I gave her a long hug and let her cry on my shoulder, trying to give her strength, and not long after these events, at the end of March, I decided that I liked her as more than just a friend.
So you see that indeed, for me, anyway, it is through trust and selflessness that love for someone is established.
Following these events, I kept my feelings secret, because it was still far too soon, and I definitely wasn't ready. As time went on, my feelings grew, and as I found out later, she was by the end of summer feeling a great need to be loved. I won't go into the intricacies, but toward the beginning of December she made a move on me, because out of her male friends I was the most caring and interesting. It was subtle; she merely began taking my arm and placing it around her while we sat together eating lunch in the hallways, and I decided that it was time to tell her how I felt, but she beat me to it on December 16th, 2003. Later in the month I did unveil my true love for her, and a month after that she confirmed that she felt the same.
We celebrated 6 months together last week.
This is just my situation. This is how I've experienced love, and you're welcome to disagree with my conclusions that it takes mutual trust and selflessness.
If you think I've gotten too personal here, oh well. It's part of my explanation and helps to show that it's not a simple, brief, or easy process.
I remember the feeling of this. Mu and Vec may know who I am talking about. But that relationship fell apart after the 5th month. It was fun while it lasted none the less. Yet this good man, this is emotional and physical. It took major cojones to tell her you loved her and then wait a month for a reply. I applaud you, and wish you all the best and better in the future.
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" The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies."
~~Psalms 18:2-3
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