Ambrosia Software Web Board: SJOTD - Ambrosia Software Web Board

All good things come back and all good things have traditions.

What did the fish say when she swam into the concrete wall?


damn:

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Arhhhhhhg Replied
Arthur.
The Journalist in response to moonunit4eva
:wanders off and eats laundry detergent:

HAHAHA! Good one!

What did the chicken say when she laid her egg?

Nothing.

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The tables are empty, the dance floor's deserted, you play the same love song, it's the tenth time you've heard it. That's the beginning, just one of the clues, you've had your first lesson, in learnin' the blues!
~Frank Sinatra
Maybe if you hadn't been smoking hobbit-weed, you would have noticed I've turned evil. ~Saruman

Ahhhhhhhhh hell.

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dude3 -- a 21st century schizoid man
Quote of the Week- "And how is the drug war not harmful to society? What has it done? Destroyed families, overcrowded prisons, made crime skyrocket, funded gangs and supported terrorism and dictators." - Soviet mikee
[url="http://"http://www.jelli.com"]Eric Knows[/url] :: [url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Ares+Trash+Talk&number=12&DaysPrune=20&LastLogin="]Support Your Local Once Again Dead Webboard![/url] :: [url="http://"http://www.jesse.com"]Hello Jesse.[/url]

Hellllllllllllllo!

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The tables are empty, the dance floor's deserted, you play the same love song, it's the tenth time you've heard it. That's the beginning, just one of the clues, you've had your first lesson, in learnin' the blues!
~Frank Sinatra
Maybe if you hadn't been smoking hobbit-weed, you would have noticed I've turned evil. ~Saruman

Quote

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan
Department of Environmental Quality, State of
Michigan. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter
before you get to the response letter.

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec.
20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that
there has been recent unauthorized activity on
the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the
legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized
activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be
issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the
Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the
Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301,
Inland Lakes and Streams, of the
Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public
Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to
324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
failed during a recent rain event, causing debris
and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are
inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore
orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to
restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush
forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be
completed no later than January 31, 2003.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a
follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply
with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may
result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price,
District Representative and Water Management Division


** Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: **


Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I
am the legal landowner but not the Contractor
at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State
unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams
across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for,
authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly
offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials
"debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate
their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can
safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their
dam resourcefulness, their
dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their
dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against
my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this
State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against
these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request
completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have
been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part
301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is: aren't the beavers entitled
to legal representation? The Spring Pond
Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said
representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.
The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed
during a recent rain event, causing
flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department
is required to protect. In other words, we should
leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling
their dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow
condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them,
they obviously did not pay any
attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their
unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water
flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy
Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources
(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred
for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003?
The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no
way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears
are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be
persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are
going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not
careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact
you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam
office.

THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS


-glahti

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The tragedy of Canada is they could have had British culture, French cooking, and American technology, but instead they got American culture, British cooking, and French technology. - Courtesy of [url="http://"http://www.bash.org"]www.bash.org[/url]

HAAHA!!!! That's great!

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The tables are empty, the dance floor's deserted, you play the same love song, it's the tenth time you've heard it. That's the beginning, just one of the clues, you've had your first lesson, in learnin' the blues!
~Frank Sinatra
Maybe if you hadn't been smoking hobbit-weed, you would have noticed I've turned evil. ~Saruman

I'm sorry, but this letter does not conform to the criteria for SJOTD - it's too dam funny.

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Sundered Angel,
The One and Only
Ares Webboard Moderator, and all-around Nice Guy

Two men went hunting. One had been hunting all his life, the other man was hunting for the first time. The one man told the other to sit down and not make a sound. So he did. But when the first man got 100 yards away, he heard a scream. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" he said. "I was when the snake bit me," the man said. "And I was when the bear attacked me. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg and said, 'Should we eat or take them with us,' I screamed."


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Signatures, are a myth, perpetrated by the government in a massive conspiracy.
[url="http://"http://www.stupid.com"]Buy [/url][url="http://"http://www.evula.com"]A [/url][url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Ares+Trash+Talk&number=12"]Freud [/url][url="http://"http://www.angelfire.com/vt2/myst/billy.gif"]doll[/url]

Two guys are driving down main street going to a bar, as they approach a red light, the driver doesn't slow down a bit and blows right on through it. "Hey man, you just ran that red light!" exclaimed the passenger, to which the driver explained, "Meh, don't worry about it, my brother does it all the time." So they come up to the next red light and the driver runs it also. The passenger says, "You just ran another, aren't you 'fraid of the cops catchin' you?" to which the driver relpied, "Nah, like I told you, my brother gets away with it all the time." Well as time went on, they went down the road running every red light until, suddenly, the driver skids to a stop at an intersection. "What the hell are you doing, dude, why don't you go, the light is green?!?!" exclaimed the passenger. The driver replied, "Hell, I'm not going through that intersection now, my brother might be going down that road!"

-Pufer

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"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get one million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside." -Robert X Cringely

Ummm, ok. What was the point of that?

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The tables are empty, the dance floor's deserted, you play the same love song, it's the tenth time you've heard it. That's the beginning, just one of the clues, you've had your first lesson, in learnin' the blues!
~Frank Sinatra
Maybe if you hadn't been smoking hobbit-weed, you would have noticed I've turned evil. ~Saruman

Why did the moderator close his browser window?

He'd gone to Ares Trash Talk by accident.

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[url="http://"http://www.mazca.com/"]Mazca[/url], Moderator, [url="http://"http://www.AmbrosiaSW.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=9&SUBMIT=Go&urgaylol=yes"]EV Developer's Corner[/url]
-esw-dragoon_77 is in my signature for no apparent reason

HAHAHAA!!!!!!

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The tables are empty, the dance floor's deserted, you play the same love song, it's the tenth time you've heard it. That's the beginning, just one of the clues, you've had your first lesson, in learnin' the blues!
~Frank Sinatra
Maybe if you hadn't been smoking hobbit-weed, you would have noticed I've turned evil. ~Saruman

...

Quote

Its a rather stupid and longwinded joke that I heard (its better when heard out loud, but only slightly). C'mon µ, pay attention to what topic this is.

-Pufer

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"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get one million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside." -Robert X Cringely

I like that joke.
Hint µ: His light is green, which means the other light is red. His brother always runs red lights.

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Signatures, are a myth, perpetrated by the government in a massive conspiracy.
[url="http://"http://www.stupid.com"]Buy [/url][url="http://"http://www.evula.com"]A [/url][url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Ares+Trash+Talk&number=12"]Freud [/url][url="http://"http://www.angelfire.com/vt2/myst/billy.gif"]doll[/url]

Ummm, still don't get it.

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The tables are empty, the dance floor's deserted, you play the same love song, it's the tenth time you've heard it. That's the beginning, just one of the clues, you've had your first lesson, in learnin' the blues!
~Frank Sinatra
Maybe if you hadn't been smoking hobbit-weed, you would have noticed I've turned evil. ~Saruman

His brother runs redlights. When his light is green, the other light is red, hence he wouldn't go through because his brother could be running the redlight, and hit him.

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I don't have an attitude problem, people have a problem with my attitude.
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[url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/webboard/Forum26/HTML/014417.html#"]The Bar[/url]
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Quote

ahh yes, but you have managed to post at least three extra times...

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"You will find that your device is highly non-functional...." - Bad Guy
[url="http://"http://www.evula.com"]Your Cursor is getting heavy.... You feel it coming to this link.[/url][url="http://"http://janus.ambrosiasw.com/~mburch/"].[/url][url="http://"http://www.AmbrosiaSW.com/webcam/"].[/url][url="http://"http://janus.ambrosiasw.com/~andrew/"].[/url]

Suddenly µ's evil plot to jack her post count up was revealed by the bold and brave man known as Shrout1: Freedom Fighter.
(Sorry, but reading through my brothers comic strips have put strange ideas in my head)

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Signatures, are a myth, perpetrated by the government in a massive conspiracy.
[url="http://"http://www.stupid.com"]Buy [/url][url="http://"http://www.evula.com"]A [/url][url="http://"http://www.ambrosiasw.com/cgi-bin/ubb/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Ares+Trash+Talk&number=12"]Freud [/url][url="http://"http://www.angelfire.com/vt2/myst/billy.gif"]doll[/url]

I doubt you see.

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The tables are empty, the dance floor's deserted, you play the same love song, it's the tenth time you've heard it. That's the beginning, just one of the clues, you've had your first lesson, in learnin' the blues!
~Frank Sinatra
Maybe if you hadn't been smoking hobbit-weed, you would have noticed I've turned evil. ~Saruman