Dear Sluggy:

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Dear Sluggy:

#1 Slug

Ravenous

Group: Members
Posts: 3,746
Joined: 03-March 00
Location:The Cabbage Patch

Posted 12 October 2000 - 06:09 PM

I've decided to start my own advice collumn just like the newspapers. Ask your problems of life in the Ares universe. Every week I will make a new Dear Sluggy topic. Included is a sample question:

Dear wise and honorable Sluggy:

I am serving a pleabargain in a UNS prison for no reason than my Cantharan roots (and a few other miscalanious details....). Because of my lonliness, my guards have agreed to let me have a pet in my cell, but only one of Earth species. I've had several pen pals send me hamsters and goldfish. They were delicious. But the problem still remains. What pet should I get?

Mek Sis

Dear Mek Sis:

I would get the terran animal known as cat. They make modest company and are capable of cleaning themselves, which is more than I can say for those disgusting humans. Oh and in the future, don't eat hamsters. They get stuck in your tubes.

Slug

[image removed]

#2 Mag Steelglass

fogey

Group: Members
Posts: 1,768
Joined: 23-January 00
Gender:Male
Location:Portland, OR

Posted 12 October 2000 - 06:41 PM

Dear wise and honourable Sluggy:

My ship, The Rogue, keeps getting very beat-up, even now that I got rid of those @%$^ing conversion coils! I'm flying a stolen Salrillian gunship right now, to be exact. And I'm looking for both you and the SS Barbarossa, to get some revenge. Do you have any idea where you are?

- Mag Steelglass

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"You can get much further with kind words and a loaded gun than you can with kind words alone."
- Al Capone

#3 Slug

Ravenous

Group: Members
Posts: 3,746
Joined: 03-March 00
Location:The Cabbage Patch

Posted 12 October 2000 - 07:32 PM

Dear Human:

While I know you would so like to defeat Pharris and me on the battlefield by relocationg our appendages, I'm afraid that will not happen. You need to get out of Manhattan.

(BTW, I'm not trying to offend anyone. Just imitating the cranky old advice collumn people Posted Image

)

Slug

[image removed]

#4 Fleet Admiral Darkk

Member

Group: Members
Posts: 2,003
Joined: 16-January 00

Posted 12 October 2000 - 10:51 PM

Dear wise and honorable Sluggy:

My empire was wrecked by some dumb scheme of people (Verad) who are coincidentaly your enimies.
When the time comes, what would the funniest method of revenge be?

Uhh, Ann O'Nymous. Posted Image

[Not part of plot, Sarg, just for humor value]

------------------
Me: You ******* IDIOTS!! That planet was INHABITED!!!
Them: Ooops
Me: Let's resume this disscussion at the admiralty court near airlock 13.
[immediatly following the first disrupter missle test]

[This message has been edited by Fleet Admiral Darkk (edited 10-12-2000).]

"In literature as in love we are astounded by what is chosen by others." Andre Maurois

Onii7/Frinkruds and his funky forums
macgamer.net

#5 Slug

Ravenous

Group: Members
Posts: 3,746
Joined: 03-March 00
Location:The Cabbage Patch

Posted 12 October 2000 - 11:48 PM

Dear Darkk:

I have found that Anonymous is a popular human name for my collumn..... And with all these "personal" empires.... pah! Back in my day, we didn't have "personal" empires! All we had were sticks and rocks! Challenge your opponent to a duel (If your opponent isn't available, challenge his grandma) into a ring. Chose your weapons and take turns stabbing each other with them. Since I already know who'll win (the Salrilian, of course) you won't have to bother with the duel. Consider the debt repayed.

Slug

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Good laws are produced by extremely bad manners.
-Alduran Pirate Captain Macrobius
StarLance

[image removed]

#6 Fleet Admiral Darkk

Member

Group: Members
Posts: 2,003
Joined: 16-January 00

Posted 13 October 2000 - 08:47 PM

Dear wise and honorable Sluggy:

Quote

Originally posted by Slug:
Dear Darkk:

Since I already know who'll win (the Salrilian, of course) you won't have to bother with the duel. Consider the debt repayed.

Slug

I'm not after a Sal - I'm targeting humanoids.
And there's not a debt between us. Unless you come up with something really funny, in which case I'll send you the tape Posted Image

------------------
Me: You ******* IDIOTS!! That planet was INHABITED!!!
Them: Ooops
Me: Let's resume this disscussion at the admiralty court near airlock 13.
[immediatly following the first disrupter missle test]

"In literature as in love we are astounded by what is chosen by others." Andre Maurois

Onii7/Frinkruds and his funky forums
macgamer.net

#7 Slug

Ravenous

Group: Members
Posts: 3,746
Joined: 03-March 00
Location:The Cabbage Patch

Posted 13 October 2000 - 09:11 PM

Dear Nijayias:

I meant the debt between you and your enemy[s]. But then again that is just a thory. There are plenty of theories that haven't panned out, such as spontanious creation and geometry....

Slug

------------------
Good laws are produced by extremely bad manners.
-Alduran Pirate Captain Macrobius
StarLance

[image removed]

#8 Sundered Angel

Invigilator

Group: Moderators
Posts: 7,372
Joined: 25-January 00
Location:New York, New York

Posted 14 October 2000 - 03:28 AM

Dear Sluggy:

I'm an average human male with psychic powers, looking for ways to spend my time. Apart from Galactic Conquest, what hobbies would you advise me to take up?

Bored

------------------
Sundered Angel,
The One and Only

Ares Webboard Moderator, and all-around Nice Guy

Sundered Angel,
The One and Only

Ares Webboard Moderator, and all-around Nice Guy

#9 Slug

Ravenous

Group: Members
Posts: 3,746
Joined: 03-March 00
Location:The Cabbage Patch

Posted 14 October 2000 - 01:22 PM

Dear Bored,

When you have psychic powers, you can't really do anything. If you try to play the Earth game of basketball, you'll find yourself cheating with your telekenetic abilities. I recommend you just sit back an' feel yer ass grow.....

Slug

------------------
Good laws are produced by extremely bad manners.
-Alduran Pirate Captain Macrobius
StarLance

[image removed]

#10 Fleet Admiral Darkk

Member

Group: Members
Posts: 2,003
Joined: 16-January 00

Posted 16 October 2000 - 09:09 PM

Dear wise and honorable Sluggy:
How do you "loosen up" Salrilian diplomats? Human diplomats you have a big feast with alchoholic beverages, Gaitori you play up their egos, Obish you flatter outright, Cantharans you let help with interrogations, Ishimans you give them comfy accomodations and massive security details, and Audemedons you don't bother with. What do you do for Sals?

Darkk the Unpredictable

------------------
Me: You ******* IDIOTS!! That planet was INHABITED!!!
Them: Ooops
Me: Let's resume this disscussion at the admiralty court near airlock 13.
[immediatly following the first disrupter missle test]

"In literature as in love we are astounded by what is chosen by others." Andre Maurois

Onii7/Frinkruds and his funky forums
macgamer.net

#11 Slug

Ravenous

Group: Members
Posts: 3,746
Joined: 03-March 00
Location:The Cabbage Patch

Posted 16 October 2000 - 10:22 PM

Dear Darkk:

Why? Are you cutting a deal behind my back? Are you going to warn Sargatanus of my impending return? No! I've said too much already!

Slug

------------------
Good laws are produced by extremely bad manners.
-Alduran Pirate Captain Macrobius
StarLance

[image removed]

#12 Guest_Sumo_*

Group: Guests

Posted 17 October 2000 - 01:30 PM

Dear Sluggy:

I come from a long line of EVA troopers. My dad was an EVA trooper, his dadwas an EVA trooper, etc. They've expected me to be an EVA trooper but I just want to be a Rebel Sumo. How should I tell them?

Rebel

#13 Slug

Ravenous

Group: Members
Posts: 3,746
Joined: 03-March 00
Location:The Cabbage Patch

Posted 17 October 2000 - 05:50 PM

Dear human fatso:

Normally I would approach them with an olive branch (an Hewman expression), but since they're EVA troopers..... I'd try an MA-75B Assault Rifle.... You hewmas have always been good at killing stuff.

Slug

------------------
Good laws are produced by extremely bad manners.
-Alduran Pirate Captain Macrobius
StarLance

[image removed]

#14 theGlueBubble

Moderator

Group: Moderators
Posts: 4,235
Joined: 10-October 00

Posted 17 October 2000 - 09:04 PM

Dear Sluggy:

I have recently gained sentience and am looking for fun and interesting things to do. I was wondering if you had any ideas. I am getting tired of popping pieces of myself into little kids eyes, to keep them from grabbing at me.

The sentient Glue Bubble

------------------
The sentient Glue
Bubble waves to
everyone.

Since 2000.

#15 Desert Fox

Hypnotized

Group: Members
Posts: 5,826
Joined: 17-April 00
Location:Columbus, Ohio

Posted 18 October 2000 - 01:35 PM

Dear Slug:
I need new ships to destroy. Could you please send several of your finest for a brawl? I would really appreciate an easy battle. Thanks.

The Unbeatable Fox

------------------
How strange... To have gone so far and to want so little.
[url="http://"http://www.adcritic.com/content/fake-movie-star-wars-episode-2.html"]http://www.adcritic....-episode-2.html[/url]
[url="http://"http://www.adcritic.com/content/visa-checkcard-i-love-don.html"]http://www.adcritic....i-love-don.html[/url]

Banana banana banana banana terracotta banana terracotta terracotta pie!
Banana banana banana banana terracotta banana terracotta terracotta pie!

#16 Avatara

Guardian

Group: Moderators
Posts: 12,036
Joined: 05-July 00
Gender:Male

Posted 18 October 2000 - 04:42 PM

Dear wise and honourable Sluggy:

I have a problem with the Salrillians. It all started when I was guiding in one of their cloaked transports with roman candles, but somehow, one of the candles managed to destroy the transport, killing all inside. Ever since, I've been followed by a Salrillian gunship that has been monitoring everything I do and I know they are just waiting for something. I've tried throwing pepper over my shoulder, but it doesn't seem to be doing much, except give them allergies. What should I do?

--Nohbdy

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[This message was edited by The Salrillian Crew (edited 10-18-00)]

"Sometimes I get confused whether I'm posting on ATT or in the War Room. But then I remind myself: If it's moderators acting scatter-brained and foolish, then it's the War Room*.

*Unless it's Avatara, of course."
-- From the memoirs of Sundered Angel

#17 Slug

Ravenous

Group: Members
Posts: 3,746
Joined: 03-March 00
Location:The Cabbage Patch

Posted 21 October 2000 - 01:24 AM

Dear Human:

Salrilians are essentially giant slugs. It's not pepper you want throwing over your shoulder, but...... *atchoo!*

------------------
Good laws are produced by extremely bad manners.
-Alduran Pirate Captain Macrobius
StarLance

[image removed]

#18 Slug

Ravenous

Group: Members
Posts: 3,746
Joined: 03-March 00
Location:The Cabbage Patch

Posted 21 October 2000 - 01:32 AM

This concludes this weeks collumn. The new one can be found [url="http://"http://www.AmbrosiaSW.com/webboard/Forum12/HTML/000159.html"]here[/url]

------------------
Good laws are produced by extremely bad manners.
-Alduran Pirate Captain Macrobius
StarLance

[This message has been edited by Slug (edited 10-21-2000).]

Ambrosia Software Web Board: Dear Sluggy: - Ambrosia Software Web Board

Dear Sluggy:

#1 Slug

#2 Mag Steelglass

#3 Slug

#4 Fleet Admiral Darkk

#5 Slug

#6 Fleet Admiral Darkk

#7 Slug

#8 Sundered Angel

#9 Slug

#10 Fleet Admiral Darkk

#11 Slug

#12 Guest_Sumo_*

#13 Slug

#14 theGlueBubble

#15 Desert Fox

#16 Avatara

#17 Slug

#18 Slug

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Dear Sluggy:

#12 Guest_Sumo_*

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