Ambrosia Software Web Board: Finish my Senior Essay for me - Ambrosia Software Web Board

OK, so my Senior Essay is due tomorrow, and after many an all-nighter and the splitting of one too many hairs, I have a single paragraph left to write. But I'm tired, and bored, and would rather take a shower and go to bed. So, I'd like you to finish it for me.

One paragraph will do; 4-5 sentences, no more than 150 words. Give it a bit of punch; something worthy of finishing 26 measured pages stuffed with 36 carefully chosen citations. Just don't make it too lofty, as the graders at Yale hate pontification.

I hate you people, go away.

That's what you should put.

The flaws in MLB’s playoffs run deep. Their system is geared towards entertainment, mass audience appeal, and profit. It ignores the streaky nature of baseball, and is not a fitting end for the difficult 162 game regular season. The system rewards strong play in a single month over strong play over an entire system. Any playoff system that crowns the 2003 Marlins and 2006 Cardinals as champion is fundamentally flawed and in need of change. A system for choosing a champion that rewards consistent strong play and ignores brief anomalies is necessary if MLB hopes to crown the best baseball team every year. The current romantic notions of the playoffs may be unrealized, but there is hope for a change and meaningful champions in the future.

And they all lived happily ever after.

We are all wired into a survival trip now. No more of the speed that fueled that 60's. That was the fatal flaw in Tim Leary's trip. He crashed around America selling "consciousness expansion" without ever giving a thought to the grim meat-hook realities that were lying in wait for all the people who took him seriously. All those pathetically eager acid freaks who thought they could buy Peace and Understanding for three bucks a hit. But their loss and failure is ours too. What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole life-style that he helped create; a generation of permanent cripples, failed seekers, who never understood the essential old-mystic fallacy of the Acid Culture: the desperate assumption that somebody... or at least some force -- is tending the light at the end of the tunnel.

"First, I want you to know that you are amazing, and I love you to death. If I don't get this back, I understand. But I have a game for you. Once you read this essay, you must send it to 14 people that you really care about, including the person that sent it to you. If you receive at least 7 back, then you are loved. Nobody knows what they have until they loose it. You never leave the person whom you love for the one you like, because that person who you like will leave you for the person whom they love. Tonight, right at 12:00am, your true love it is going to realize that they LOVE you! Then something is going to happen to you between 1:00 and 2:00 a.m. Tomorrow, be ready for the greatest shock of your life. If you break this chain, you are going to have bad luck in love for the next years of your life. Send this to 15 people in 15 minutes"

Please please please please please let me graduate. I really can't stand to go back and live with my parents because I can't find a job that pays well enough to have my own place. It'd really be best for everybody if you just let me get the ###### out of here. Thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, I can find out where you live if you don't give me a good grade. Not that that's a threat or anything, I'm just saying, if I don't get to graduate you will have a sobbing man on your doorstep. That would be kind of awkward to explain to the neighbors, right? Seriously, just pass me. I'm sure you don't want to spend any more time reading this thing anyway, you just want to move on with your life. It's not like anybody will ever know. So just put a big A on this and we can all go do other things we'd rather be doing. 100% credit. Stick it to The Man who wants you to conform to rubrics. You know you want to. Okay, this is over. Have a nice life!

You know, as a webboard moderator, you see a lot of crazy things. People going off topic, people posting inappropriate images, people going off topic, and all sorts of shenanigans. But nothing I've seen in all my years has been as crazy as the preceding 26 pages. If somebody posted this essay on my board, I would lock it immediately. Thank you and God bless.

Short conclusions are for suckers and pawns of the establishment. Use this:

"However, it seems that this is not an especially strong objection to Hart's view. The idea that there are correct and incorrect decisions in situations ungoverned by rules seems to presuppose the idea that principles are, in fact, applicable to the system. The idea that all court decisions should be just (which is to imply "correct") is not contained in the content of the laws, but is rather a principle that has been attached to the legal system. Just because everyone has been led to believe that the function of the legal system is to judge cases correctly and implement justice, it does not automatically make that the case. Despite the populace's intuitions to the contrary, if the law itself is nothing but the system of primary and secondary rules that Hart asserts that it is, then, principles, including justice, presumably do not enter into it. Now, as Dworkin stated, "we must avoid one tempting confusion" in accepting that "the strong sense of discretion is not tantamount to license." (Dworkin 33) This is to say that simply because legal principles do not exist within the law, it does not mean that criticism cannot be levied against court officials. Being that society at large accepts various legal principles as being true, they certainly have a bearing on the decision a judge may make given a situation where the rules cease to give guidance and he has total discretion in making a ruling. Generally speaking, a judge will likely be averse to being the target of criticism and may well believe in some of the aforementioned principles himself, in which case his decision almost certainly will appeal to some number of principles. Despite the fact that the final result would be indistinguishable between Hart's rule-only system and Dworkin's legal code that contains principles, the influence of principles in making a legal decision for Hart does not necessarily make principles part of the law."

Or:

"Thus and therefore, oh godlike learned peoples of the pen and scroll, I hearby request your acquiescence for my graduating from this fine institution. Do find it in your innately giving hearts to have pity on me for any particular mistakes contained in this document that you may find, for I am but a stranger in your land. I also appeal to your infinite capacity for selfless hospitality in its most pure Derridean form in accepting me, not as an uncredentialed 'other,' but as a proud holder of the label, 'alumnus.' Hear my winged words, oh great ones, and grant me a piece of paper so that I might be able to wear a funny hat and a dress in a couple weeks with my noble and deserving comrades."

Or maybe:

"In closing, stop wasting my time and give me my piece of paper you pompous ######s."

-Pufer

This post has been edited by Pufer: 23 April 2007 - 11:29 PM

I can't believe no-one's asked this yet.
What's it about? Or don't I want to know?

CrazyChick, on Apr 24 2007, 04:52 AM, said:

If we knew what it was about, the topic would be far less creative.

Do your own homework [ed: removed on second thought due to politeness]

When hunting dretches, use mass driver. When hunting a tyrant, hope the tyrant doesn't pick you first.

This post has been edited by The Apple Cøre: 25 April 2007 - 01:04 AM

The mass driver only works well against dretches if you're freakin' good at aiming the darn thing. I prefer the shotgun or a flamer.

If you're on an unlagged server, this is not true.

Personally I prefer the chaingun, unless I am without a battlesuit. Then I'll take a pulse rifle.

Or "luci spam"* + BS!







*apparently firing the lucifer cannon at aliens that attack the human base (and stopping when they either leave or die) is considered luci spamming and will get you vote kicked by the alien team.

Closing for going off topic in: 3

Quick guys! Think of something to put this topic back on track!

2.

gray_shirt_ninja, on Apr 27 2007, 12:55 AM, said:

So your not allowed to kill with the lucifer then?

And that's: 2

"I was going to write a closing paragraph, but when I asked my people for help they got onto this tangent of hunting dretches with shotguns, etc. and then the topic got locked so no one could give me any real advice. In conclusion, I think you're all a bunch of bureaucratic SOBs who should go screw themselves. Thank you, and have a pleasant night."


Perfect closer right there.

but only if you add this after it:

This post has been edited by wolfman_rec: 27 April 2007 - 02:22 PM

SA needs to tell us what his actual last paragraph ended up being.

mrxak, on Apr 27 2007, 09:31 PM, said:

Do I?

Please?