Ambrosia Software Web Board: Got a joke? - Ambrosia Software Web Board

<snip>

<snip>

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. They ask for a beer. Bartender say "ok, but don't start anything in here"

So there's this five year old kid and he really loves the circus, but he especially adores Hobo the Clown. He dreams about Hobo, has the Hobo lunchbox, puts up a Hobo poster in his room, owns an official Hobo Fanclub Clown Nose, eats Hobo-Flakes, and generally just likes anything Hobo related.

One day his father, a very un Hoboish character walks in with a couple of pieces of paper in his hand.

"What's that pa," asks the kid?

"Two tickets to the Circus in six weeks," says the father.

The kid is sick with joy. He gets all of his Hobo related stuff and jumps on his Hobo sheet-covered bed and generally makes a ruckus.

So for the next three weeks the circus, and Hobo, are all the kid can think about. He shines up his Hobo lunchbox, makes his Hobo bed, eats Hobo-Flakes constantly and dreams every night of a Hobo-coloured world.

Finally the day of the circus arrives and the kid is extremely excited. He spend the whole day blabbering about Hobo. Hobo at breafast, Hobo in church, Hobo at Sunday School, Hobo at Lunch, and even eats Hobo-Flakes for dinner. At  six his father tells him to get his jacket.

"Let's go!"

So the kid and his father get in their car and drive down to the circus. Hobo posters are everywhere and the kid is wide eyed and quiet for the first time. He looked like painless in the Johnny Walker storehouse.

So they go in, take their seats right in the front row and the father gets up.

"I'll be back in a few minutes."

So, while the kid is eating his Hobo-themed popcorn and holding his Hobo-faced balloon, the father walks off to talk to the spotlight guy.

You see, Hobo did a little show during the circus that involved audience participation and the father wanted to make sure his son got to participate, being all nuts about Hobo and all.

So the father comes back and the show starts. They see the acrobats fly overhead, and the masturbating monkey come by, and the elephants standing on things looking silly, and finally a teensy weensy car rolls out from one end of the ten.

One, two, three, then fifteen clowns get out and perform their antics, and lastly...
Hobo makes his inglorious stumbling exit from the car. The kid and much of the crowd cheer for Hobo.

"I'm going to need a volunteer from the audience. Whom shall I pick?"

The spotlight comes on and searches through the crowd for a bit before settling on our little boy. He practically pisses himself with joy.

"You there, come on down here little fella."

So the kid clambers downt he bleachers and walks up next to Hobo.

"I'm going to need your help telling this joke, are you up to it?"

"Yes," says the little kid.

"Okay, here we go. Are you the horse's head?"

"No"

"Are you the horse's neck?"

"No"

"Are you the horse's back?"

"No"

"Well then you must be the horse's ass!"

The crowd explodes with laughter. People are slapping knees everywhere and damn near rolling around. Except for the kid. He's embarassed, red in the face and looking for support. He looks over to his dad. His father is laughing hysterically.

The night passes and they leave the circus. On the ride home the kid makes a solemn vow that he will get Hobo back some day. And he tries to follow through on it.

In the next few weeks and years the kid does some remarkable things. He gets rid of the Hobo poster, lunchbox, poster, Hobo-Flakes, Hobo sheets, and anything else Hobo related. He begins to learn the art of the put-down. Week after week he buys books on jokes, watches programs on put-downs, and over the years becomes the foremost insulter yet known to man. Mightily he puts down the bully in the school yard, the construction worker on the street, and the policeman incarcerating him in jail from time to time.

Years pass and he finally feels himself ready. He sees an ad in the paper for the circus and, as luck would have it, a slightly older but still funny Hobo is still with the show. Three weeks hence the circus will come to town. The kid, now a grown man, goes to Ticketmaster to buy his ticket to the circus. He goes over his best put-downs in the next few weeks, until finally the day of the circus arrives.

He has steeled himself for this. Today is the ascendance of his vengeance and he shall be victorious. He gets in his Ford Taurus and drives down to the circus. Around the parking lot are huge posters of Hobo, formerly his idol and yet now his archnemesis. He closes up the car, walks into the grand circus tent. It's just as he remembers it. The man walks over to the spotlight guy, now some bucktoothed student at Cornell on summer break, and gives him two hundred dollars to shine the spotlight on him.

The man takes his seat in the front row, barely concealing his glee at this approaching moment where he can make Hobo pay for his insult. The show starts and he watches as the acrobats fly overhead, the masturbating monkeys come by, the elephants do silly things on stools, and finally, the clown car.

Out comes the tiny car and parks right in front of the man. First one, then two ,then eventually fifteen clowns are out of the car. They perform their crazy antics until Hobo makes his emergence from the car. Cheers erupt from the crowd. All but the vengeful man in the front row.

"I'm going to need some help from the audience now!"

The spotlight plays through the audience, finally settling on a young man in the front row. The man calmly walks out onto the sawdust strewn floor of the circus tent.

"Are you ready young man," asks the clown?

"Indeed"

"Are you the horse's head?"

"No" The man's heart can hardly contain his joy.

"Are you the horse's neck?"

"No" He can't wait for his final triumph.

"Are you the horse's back?"

"No" All the years of hard work will be paid off tonight.

"Well then you must be the horse's ass!"

The crowd erupts in laughter. Cheering and guffaws all around. All except the man standing next to Hobo. Finally the crowd quiets down as the man speaks.

"**** you, clown!"