Ambrosia Software Web Board: English is a messed up language. - Ambrosia Software Web Board

This is slightly unrelated, well rather unrelated (though they do have a section about greek/latin!) to Cythera:

Euro English

Here it is - the latest news from Europe. The News Standard has received this bulletin fresh from our Brussels-based hack:

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by z" and "w" by v.

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining"ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru

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[url="http://"http://www.voiceone.com/html/onics.html"]Here's a whole website of that stuff[/url], varying jokes (and horrible analogies for people like Ody).
Warning: Some content may be unsuitable for some people, several sections have 'unappropriate' language and implications, but those sections are mostly clearly labelled (you can figure out the bad content by the title).

You have been warned. Otherwise, enjoy.

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"There is a time and a place for everything."

[This message has been edited by Avatara (edited 04-06-2003).]

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Well Ty, you've convinced me it's time to share some truly horrible analogies I've collected over the years...
Note: These analogies were actually used in pieces of writing.
"The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling call wouldn't."

"McBride fell two stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup."

"Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center."

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:50 p.m. at a speed of 5 mph."

"The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can."

"They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth."

"The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play."

"His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free."

And my personal favorite:
"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."

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Siena College- Like Yale, only not!
"Anything is possible, except skiing through a revolving door."

[This message has been edited by idiotSavant (edited 04-07-2003).]

Someone in TOK today attempted to use: "The US invading Iraq because we don't like their weapons of mass destruction is like Iraq invading the US because they don't like white people."

Didn't work out too well.

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"And so it begins..."

[This message has been edited by Avatara (edited 04-07-2003).]

So they're saying the US is predjudiced against weapons of mass destruction? That's absurd, some of its best freinds are weapons of mass destruction!

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#include <stdio.h>
main(void){char a[22] = {0x4a,0x75,0x73,0x74,' ',0x61,0x6e,0x6f,0x74,0x68,0x65,0x72,' ',0x43,' ',0x68,0x61,0x63,0x6b};int b;for (b = 0;b < 23;printf("%c",a[b]),b++){};printf("...n");}
/* Not just for perl. */
  

amen

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Humanity will crumble under tides of blood.

Phonetic alphabets are so much simpler, нет?

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"There are 10 kinds of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't."

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Sweet! How'd you get Russian fonts to work over UBB?

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You can fool all the people some of the time, and some people all the time, but you can not fool all the people all the time.

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OK, I'm scared now. How the heck did you do that?

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Your pet poodle is flying loop-de-loops over my microchips! The poodle is coming! The poodle is coming! (Don't ask )
[url="http://"http://andyvn.ath.cx/Music.html"]Visit my website.[/url] Does my post count confuse you?

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You know, andrew really doesn't like it when the boards get hacked, if that's what you did.

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I have run out of quotes for my signature. Please give me suggestions at bigjoe_512@yahoo.com

I doubt he hacked it, maybe hes just speical.

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[url="http://"http://www.bjornthebear.8m.com"]www.bjornthebear.8m.com[/url]
Uh, Guns and Vegetarian are the two things that should run your life.

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Not at all. If you go to System Prefs -> International -> Input Menu, you can add in the Russian keyboard. I switched to it, and typed in Russian... apparently, it worked (I wasn't actually expecting it to). I suppose when Camino sends the text, it must enclose the Russian in special "Russian indicators" or something, and UBB seems to preserve them.

Да свидания! (If that's correct...)

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"There are 10 kinds of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't."

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Weird, I can't get it to work on my computer... What version of osX do you run?

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Almost, it is all correct, except the second letter is an "o" not an "a".


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You can fool all the people some of the time, and some people all the time, but you can not fool all the people all the time.

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I'm running 10.2. Does it not have Russian in the list? I don't think it did before I upgraded to Jaguar.

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Свасиба. (Which is probably wrong too)

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"There are 10 kinds of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't."

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Hmm, that's what I run too, it has Russain in the list, but It just comes out as gibberish when I try to type something in my browser. Maybe it's the browser, wich browser do you use? It would be so cool if I could get that font to work.

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If that's supposed to be thankyou, (spaa-see-ba) it looks correct except the second letter (dang the second letter eh?) would be a upsidedown U thing that makes a "p" sound, and the last letter would be an "o" again.

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You can fool all the people some of the time, and some people all the time, but you can not fool all the people all the time.

[url="http://"http://www.mozilla.org/projects/camino/"]Camino[/url]. Since it's designed specifically with OS X in mind, it might support OS X features that other browsers would avoid for "cross-compatibility."

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I have no clue why I used в there, it definitely should have been п (I think of it as a "Pi"). Seems I get tripped up on the o's/a's, since English seems to switch some of them in translation... Ah well, I'm taking Russian next year, and that should all get cleared up.

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"There are 10 kinds of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't."

Now I'm typing in Australian English. So much has changed.

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I have run out of quotes for my signature. Please give me suggestions at bigjoe_512@yahoo.com

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Sweet! My Russain has gotten pretty rusty, I haven't held an intellegent conversation in Russain in years. Kinda sad when you think about it, Russain is a cool language. It's also handy when you do something stupid, you can just pretend you don't know English.

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You can fool all the people some of the time, and some people all the time, but you can not fool all the people all the time.

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You run the risk of the other person knowing russian.
Whereas, if you make up languages on the fly, gei vern nostal pos cuzi nost. Quib vern naxas vert!
It works well for those times when many people use profanity. You'll get more 'creative points' if you make something up, and you won't be censored. Of course, some people can hear vulgarity in almost anything....
Reminds me of what was possibly the stupidest thing I ever programmed: A mac perlscript that combined random fake words (Mostly one sylible each) into words and sentinces of varying length. It then sung the words in one of Macintalk's several 'singing' voices.

Mom thought she heard it being profane repeatedly. I insisted it couldn't be, becuase I'd intentionaly not included certain sylibles - such as '-uk' and '-it', but I have to admit if you listened carefully you could imagine it was cussing.

Naturaly I decided to put a delay in front of it, and run it before leaving to take my shower... my mom would see the humor in that...
... but not in what happened that wasn't susposed to happen. I unintentionaly omited the delay timer in the taking loop, so the program, instead of talking in strange new tounges, bleated out the most irritating noise that maddened the dog and my mother even more so.
Opps.

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Programming is an art form that fights back.
- Unknown
   
Where do you want to [url="http://"http://www.macclassics.com/cythera/tricks/rJade.htm"]teleport[/url] today?

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Yeah, but that's not my style. I would probably continually fall back on the same made-up language, and add vocabulary and syntax as I went along. Although I haven't done *too* much of that so far.

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"There are 10 kinds of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't."

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Just make sure you repeat some of the same words once in a while so people will have a harder time telling it is fake, and use a similar set of sounds - don't make your first sentince 'Zi ghan pel kno phe!' and your second 'Pog neist felber nappenzak!'

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Programming is an art form that fights back.
- Unknown
   
Where do you want to [url="http://"http://www.macclassics.com/cythera/tricks/rJade.htm"]teleport[/url] today?

Well, the simplest way to assure that would be to use a root language (like PIE) and do consistent language/grammar derivations for a given language. Plus, if you have roots, you have the added bonus of being able to create mutually unintelligible languages with minimal effort - English, Latin, German, Russian, and Sanskrit are just 5 of the languages that developed from PIE, and they're all quite different.

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"There are 10 kinds of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't."

Grib Nab habbinat sop lappini hobwaki nap baplinat i kabli haplinat. Translation: We must be really bored to have an entire topic dedicated to making up new languages and modifying old ones

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I have run out of quotes for my signature. Please give me suggestions at bigjoe_512@yahoo.com