Help
===========================
This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by
an
employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course,
does not have a sense of humor, & made the web department take it down
immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read,
too).
=============================
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to
protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the
warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best
meet your needs and desires.
1.
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other
First Name: ..........Initial: ........ Last Name..................
Password:........................ (max. 8 char)
Code Name:......................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ........... !
2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... /....... /......
4. Serial Number:...............................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you
have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision
to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation!
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase
in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that
apply
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
interests
an activities in which you & your spouse enjoy participating on a regular
basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running! / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you
better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings & special
offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups & mysterious
consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered
to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL
DOUGLAS CORPORATION, Marketing Department Military, Aerospace Division.
IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s)
named above & may contain information that is confidential privileged or
unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of
humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended
recipient,
any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized
(either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux
pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context
somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or
grammatical use & may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission
of this email, although the kelpie next door is living on! borrowed time,
let
me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be
gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this
warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However,
by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself & your computer you can
ensure that no harm befalls you & your pets. If you have received this email
in error, please add some nutmeg & egg whites, whisk & place in a warm oven
for 40 minutes.
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Being 6 feet tall isnt bad , just not as fun as being 50 feet tall
MultiQuote
)
