Ambrosia Software Web Board: If you're willing to do it to yourself, - Ambrosia Software Web Board

You're suddenly indued with the ability to transport yourself through time and across dimensions. It doesn't much matter how you go about it, but you end up faced with yourself in some variety of cushiony, undifferentiated intermediate state between times and/or dimensions (no distinguishable difference between one direction and another, only points of reference are down and the other you).

<aside> Now, I used to say that you go to your house, walk up to your door, and ring the doorbell, but this is made complicated by three factors: what if you're not home; what if you don't have a doorbell; and if you're sitting inside the house and on the front porch, you presumably are somewhat different from the other you in the same way that identical twins have the same DNA but distinguishable fingerprints. </aside>

As a rule, if I encounter myself in such a void - as I'm sure any good and decent human would do - I'd make out with me (cue the xkcd rule). Being that I'm an incorrigible type, I'd start feeling all up on myself and end up naked. Naturally, one thing leads to another (quite quickly, actually) and I have sexual relations with myself.

<aside> Now, this is another issue. First, I start off with talking about you, and then I transfer to me - this is necessary because some people aren't comfortable with me telling them that they decide to ###### themselves; these people are either repressed or haven't thought enough about the scenario. Second, I used to simply say that I'd have sex with myself, but I couldn't come up with a scenario whereby the two mes could differentiate between ourselves to figure out which me would ###### myself first, and if we could, we'd run into the aforementioned twins-DNA-fingerprints thing. Thus, now I end up using the mid-90's GOP definition of "sexual relations" and I'm giving myself a [pair of simultaneous and identical] blow job[s]. </aside>

Okay, so I'm in an undifferentiated void and I'm having sexual relations with myself. When I'm later dragged before Congress to answer for myself under oath, which way do I go? Homosexual sexual relations or self masturbation? In other words, can I afterwards honestly say that I've given another guy a blowjob (assuming that I can't otherwise truthfully say that)?

-Pufer

If you, or I, had the power to move through space and time, why in God's green earth would we allow ourselves to brought before Congress?

Once the weird self-gratification was out of the way, we should surely be moving on to HOT CHICKS!!!!

Most of what you posted bores me to tears. But I'll address the time travel thing. I just assume that if I ever go back in time and ring my doorbell, it was one of those times when I pretended I wasn't home.

But seriously, why would I go back in time and hang out with my past self? My past self is lame, compared to my super cool futuristic self. I probably have a bionic arm or something, and can see a wider part of the EM spectrum because of my crazy cyborg eyes that look just like real eyes. I also probably have a laser pistol, and some kind of neural-nanobot interface that lets me control traffic lights with my mind. If I was gonna go back in time, it'd have to be to someplace really cool I'd never been before, like maybe when the dinosaurs were around, or maybe I'd go check out some nuclear tests from the 40s and 50s.

mrxak, on Nov 13 2008, 10:20 AM, said:

Srsly, where's your HOT CHICKS?

Pufer, on Nov 13 2008, 06:02 AM, said:

You have issues... (and that's putting it mildly).

I don't think I have ever wanted to suck myself or have sex with another male...

Even if I did I wouldn't invent: A. a time machine to do this...
B. a scenario where all the above could take place.

Also since when was having gay/self sex illegal?


You have completely screwed up my day now...

This post has been edited by undead_shadow: 13 November 2008 - 07:51 AM

I'd have to vote for masturbation. If you're clearly the same person then and now (such that you can know you're not in some kind of alternate reality), you're clearly not having sex with someone else, and only having sex with yourself.

Yeah it'd be one thing if you buttsexed yourself, but some freaks have the flexibility to blow themselves so I'd say it's probably the same sort of thing.

Really, it's more like having sex with your twin. It's incest.

Didn't Aerosmith once say "your all weird"

mrxak, on Nov 13 2008, 11:52 AM, said:

I have a twin. We've never done it, but sex with him would be, in my mind, fundamentally different than sex with myself. The only problem I see is whether or not the two selves are fundamentally the same, or are instead two different representations of a similar reality. (for instance, two diamonds may have the same chemical composition, but still be two distinctly different items) If the two people are >exactly< the same (except for their obvious being in two locations at the same time), I think we actually have a moral obligation to join them as one, so that no paradox may arise.

Actually, bringing them together might cause them to explode or something.

lolz pufer iz ghey

You're breaking your long topic-starting silence for this?

There is actually a point to it. I was just going to throw it in one of the other topics, but I feared that nobody would respond to it, thus defeating the purpose of gauging the response.

Incidentally, my topics all suck. This one is no different.

-Pufer

How can you create such awful topics and yet post such awesomeness in other peoples?

You have taken skill to a whole new level.

The whole time/dimension travel had been part of it from the beginning, however, both are completely irrelevant to the question, so, revised from input (this is why I did this):

It doesn't much matter how it comes about, but you end up faced with yourself in some variety of cushiony, undifferentiated intermediate state between times and/or dimensions. There is no distinguishable difference between you and the other you: you both come from the same time, same place, have the same experiences, etc. There is similarly no distinguishable difference between one direction and another; the only points of reference in the void are relative to you and the other you, and are identical for both yous.

As a rule, if I encounter myself in such a void - as I'm sure any good and decent human would do - I'd make out with me. Being that I'm an incorrigible type, I'd start feeling all up on myself and end up naked. Naturally, one thing leads to another (quite quickly, actually) and myselves perform simultaneous oral sex on myselves.

Okay, so I'm in an undifferentiated void and I'm having sexual relations with myself. When I'm later dragged before Congress to answer for myself under oath, which way do I go? Homosexual sexual relations or self masturbation? In other words, can I afterwards honestly say that I've given another guy a blowjob (assuming that I can't otherwise truthfully say that)?

-Pufer

The english lanuage isn't really capable of dealing with the issue. If you pretend that there isn't a semantics issue, and take the the problem in it's literal wording, then you can't honestly say that you gave 'another guy' a blowjob. You gave yourself a blowjob, unless it's actually a guy wearing your skin and stalking you in intermediate space. I'm gonna go with masturbation.

That is indeed the issue. It's a problem of terminological definition.

Saying that it's masturbation only goes to one possible definition of masturbation ("sexual contact with yourself," or something similar to that). But if you define it slightly differently, (basically, just by putting the term "your own" in there someplace), it can't be. It is equally as valid to say that it is homosexual sexual contact under some definitions ("sexual contact with another who is of the same sex as you"), but not necessarily so ("sexual contact with someone other than yourself of the same sex as you"). This latter issue is a matter of what is read into a term given a particular situation. There conceivably is no hard and fast rule on what homosexual sexual contact is beyond a case-by-case determination based on the facts of a particular scenario.

The most likely answer, actually, is that it's neither and that there isn't a term beyond the scenario itself that can explain it, at least in any language that I've encountered. If forced to categorize it using existent terms, however (the function that the testifying before Congress fulfills), you end up with a philosophical problem and fall into discussions of linguistic meaning in the realm of the philosophy of language.

-Pufer

Pufer, you're sick. I mean, who else on these boards would even think of having sex with Pufer besides you?

Oh, you know you're just waiting for an invite.

-Pufer

Well if I'm stuck choosing between masturbation, and homosexual sex... then masturbation is my vote. My simple reasoning is that if you have sex with you; it's masturbation no matter how many set of genitals (or bodies) you may have at the time.

If a new word must be coined, as might be the case, then I propose "songemot".

This post has been edited by Sniper Kitty: 14 November 2008 - 09:40 PM

Incidentally, for all those curious as to what spurred Pufer's rambling aside, the comic strip in question can be found here. It's in five parts.

I still think he's screwed up.

Pufer, on Nov 15 2008, 01:57 AM, said:

I know I am! One question though. Does the invite allow me to watch, or join in?