Ambrosia Software Web Board: Thankyou citizens of the Ares webboard - Ambrosia Software Web Board

From: Processing Division, Count Altair Inc™
To: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: Piracy
Priority: Class 1
The processing division in the Ares Trash talk forum has come under severe pressure from certain left-wing freedom fighters, popularly known as the 'the People's Liberation Front of America'. They have enfolded our toll-booth and are assaulting people who are attempting to pass through! We also report having extra quantities of trout, which we will teleport immediately to your dinner table. This is marked down and stamped priority class 1.

From: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc™
To: Processing Division, Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: Re: Piracy
Priority: Class 1
Unfortunately Count Altair is away on pressing duties, so he will unfortunately not be able to instruct you in this matter. Clause 3 of subsection d will instead be used, which dictates that all said guerillas and or freedom fighters must be captured and put to death immediately. Regarding the trout, it was not wasted and may I say what an excellent meal it made. This is marked down and stamped priority class 1.

From: "The People's Liberation Front of America"
To: "Unaffiliated Subsidaries", Angel International Industries Ltd™
Stamp: Status
Priority: Class 4

We thank you for your recent increase in continued funding you generously gave us. Rest assured it will be put to good use. We have successfully stolen several active nuclear warheads from Count Altair Inc.™'s secret research division and have invested in highly efficient and effective destructive weapons and personel thanks to your funding. Rest assured that the "Count" will soon have nothing of monetary value to count.


From: -unknown source-
To: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: Ransom
Priority: Class 1

We request 20 million credits to be left un-attended at the Hampsure Bay or else nasty consequenses will have to be envoked upon you and your personnel. You have 12 hours, divulging this note and any evidence will pressure us to utterly annhiliate your operation, and your life's fortune. Trust us, you want to pay the money.

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"I'm a controversial figure. My friends either dislike me or hate me."

From: Brookeview Technologies Inc™ Anti Terrorist Division
To: Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: Message Traced. Termination in 5..4..3..2..1......
Priority: Class 1
The Brookeview Technologies Inc™ Terrorist Warfare Division is proud to inform you that we have succfully traced the "-unknown source-" and have proceeded to drop EMP bombs from our advanced Anti terrorist fighter/bomber wing. In addition we have also been granted the ability to offer your company our most advanced anti-company destruction technologies for immediate installation.


Brookeview Technologies Inc™ Anti Terrorism Division
Terrorist, You have met your match.


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Creator of the great new plugin for ares "Earth's Journey Back To The Stars". And hopefully a member of the Ares Extended Team.

[This message has been edited by brookeview (edited 08-06-2001).]

[This message has been edited by brookeview (edited 08-25-2001).]

From: External Affairs, Fishes and Loaves Inc™
To: Brookeview Technologies Inc™ Anti Terrorist Division
Stamp: Bad Fish?
Priority: Class 1

We humbly ask that in the future, if you dislike one of our fish, that you inform the manager and we will give you our money back under our Gold Seal™ plan. Deciding to bomb our manufacturing facilities just because you dislike our products is unacceptable. I'm afraid if you don't cease immediately, we will be forced to inform the authorities!

CEO Manager,
Jim Blair

*Slipping into the shadows away from the Fishes and Loaves plant, a figure chuckles about the ease of use of pay phones and how they throw of attackers.


From: Processing Division, Count Altair Inc™
To: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: Last warning.
Priority: Class 1

We warned you against informing others. Not only has your little "interaction" with Brookeview Technologies Inc™ resulted in the ransom being raised to 40 million credits, but we also have siezed control of your processing division, and will slaughter and torture your employees as an added bonus if you do not pay the ransom. You have 4 hours remaining. Choose wisely this time.

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"I'm a controversial figure. My friends either dislike me or hate me."

Count Altair Inc™, Voice Mail systems.
You have 1 saved message.

1st saved message, recieved today at 8:30 PM.

From: Processing Division, Count Altair Inc™

Management, anybody! We need help, there are too many! They are attacking with some kind of silly string and wind-up teeth chomp-ow! Son of a...

End of message. To save this message press 7, to delete it press 9, to donate it to a local charity press 8. Thank you.

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"I'm a controversial figure. My friends either dislike me or hate me."

From: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc™
To: Company Protectorate, Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: Assault
Priority: Class 1
Messages received from Processing Division, Count Altair Inc™'s Toll-booth in Ares trash talk indicates an assault by heavily armed gorilla freedom fighters. I must order you to take 3 detachments and kill any intruders. This is marked down and stamped priority class 1.

From: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc™
To: Secondary Processing Division, Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: Enforcement
Priority: Class 1
There's a front moving in so bundle up. This is marked priority class 1.

From: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc™
To: External of Beureau of Affairs, Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: Sharemarket
Priority: Class 4
Pressures from off-shore oil groups have forced the price of Count Altair Inc™ up by .03 cents. Cumulating with the drop in the sharemarket of leather goods, indicates a massive resurgence and interest in cotton wool and trout. All trout and cotton wool must be purchased immediately, even at up to 1.5 times the original price. Also, there's a front moving in so bundle up. This is marked down and stamped priority class 1.

From: "Unaffiliated Subsidaries", Angel International Industries Ltd™
To: "The People's Liberation Front of America"
Stamp: Successful Activities; Contract Bonus
Priority: Class 3
Increased activity is noted, appraised and approved. As per Condition 5a)ii) [Remuneration], a bonus of exactly $360 000 has been forwarded, in nonsequential unmarked bills, to the usual location. Unnamed management officials extend their cautious congratulations. On a sidenote, certain parties are interested in aqquiring certain trout rumoured to make an excellent dinner. Should any be recovered and forwarded, compensation will be considerable.

From: Geneva Headquarters, Angel International Industries Ltd™
To: Angel Holdings Ltd™
Stamp: Investment Opportunity
Priority: Class 1
Angel Holdings Ltd™ is directed to apportion 17% of gross net revenue this month to the purchase of stocks of trout. This is non negotiable.

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Sundered Angel,
The One and Only
Ares Webboard Moderator, and all-around Nice Guy

From: -unknown source-
To: Central Processing Committee, Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: unavailable
Priority: None

We warned you...


*News flash*

This morning at 10 AM, tragedy struck Count Altair Inc™ as terrorists utterly annihilated the company's trout facilites and cut off its supply of trout. Debries from the blast site indicate a stolen nuclear warhead made illegally by the same company had been used against it. While Count Altair Inc™ was installing anti-nuke devices and fortifying its perimiters, the terrorists made a second strike, deep into the company itself. Police report that the only thing stolen was the company's remaining supply of delicious trout. The government opted to do nothing as they are more concerned with the world's coffee crises.

On our top story, Columbia's supply of world coffee has abruptly been cut off. Jan has more to report:
Coffee, the high-caffene drug that stimulates the mind and allows the body to work longer than ever. This precious drug has been the target of a ransom operation deep down in the heart of Columbia...


From: "The People's Liberation Front of America"
To: "Unaffiliated Subsidaries", Angel International Industries Ltd™
Stamp: Dinner
Priority: Class 2

We have successfully stolen all trout from Count Altair Inc™ and cut off their trout supply. Wow, this trout is delicious! We are sending the trout your way!

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"I'm a controversial figure. My friends either dislike me or hate me."

[This message has been edited by Avatara (edited 08-07-2001).]

From: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc™
To: Company Protectorate, Count Altair Inc
Stamp: Resurgence
Priority: Class 1
As you no doubt are aware, our major trout farms were recently destroyed by Sundered Angel Conglomerate funded terrorists. This is unacceptable. From now on, the merest hint of unrest will be sufficient for a full-scale regent invasion. All company offices are no equipped with teleporters. If we lose any more trout, it's coming out of your pocket money! This is class 1.

From: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc
To: Beureau of External Affairs, Count Altair Inc
Stamp: Purchase
Priority: Class 1
We are desperately short of trout, and are suffering from severe trout-deprivation! You are ordered to spend US$39,039,320,359 on trout. I can't tell you how vital trout is to the world's economy... you just wouldn't understand. Class 1.

From: "Unaffiliated Subsidaries", Angel International Industries Ltd™
To: "The People's Liberation Front of America"
Stamp: Successful Activities; Compensation
Priority: Class 3
Latest terrorist activities noted with pleasure. We are in receipt of your trout- totally delicious! As per company policy, your bonus is in proportion to the profits made. 13 units of Trout were sold at $97.43 fictional US dollars per unit, giving a proportional bonus of... $314.65. Excellent work- the remaining trout was put to good use.

From: "Unaffiliated Subsidaries", Angel International Industries Ltd™
To: "The People's Liberation Front of America"
Stamp: Additional Compensation
Priority: Class 2
Apparently, despite a crippling blow to Count Altair Inc™, your recent compensation was $314.65. The manager responsible for this has been slowly and horribly tortured to death; an additional $2 600 000 has been transferred in non-sequential, unmarked bills to the usual collection point.

From: Oversight Committee, Angel Coffee Concerns Ltd™
To: Geneva Headquarters, Angel International Industries Ltd™
Stamp: Unprecedented Ransom
Priority: Class 1
A recent ransom operation by an unknown terrorist organisation has completely cut off our access to our coffee stock piles. Once pipeline supplies are exhausted, we estimate losses in excess of $13 610 000 a day. Please detach investigators.

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Sundered Angel,
The One and Only
Ares Webboard Moderator, and all-around Nice Guy

........./<><><><>..............
==========> <=> <===============| |§|Buy Count Altair|§|
.........<><><><>/..............

Well since the Previous booth was destroyed I decided to set up a new one.

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Creator of the great new plugin for ares "Earth's Journey Back To The Stars". And hopefully a member of the Ares Extended Team.

From: Darkklight Entrepenurial Federation
To: "The People's Liberation Front of America"
Stamp: Offer of Assistance
Priority: Class 2
I understand you've been tasked to investigate the coffee supply problems. As we need that coffee, we'd be willing to give you a 75% discount on all hiring of battleships, plus free intel reports.
As per standard guarantee, all battleships are equipped with I-field cushon antigrav, full unified anneplant shields, full banks of mega-particle cannons, and a full crew complement.
Also attached is the intelsat report from our geosynchronous spysat, showing massive land, sea, and air forces concentrated around the target zone.
Attachment: spysatphoto001380087.jpg

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Formerly-Rampant Human-Coded AI

From: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc™
To: General Broadcast
Stamp: Company Alliance
Priority: Class 1
Due to the recent trout and coffee drought, the world is becoming increasingly insane. It is up to us to put things right, but it will need your co-operation. All companies are required to participate in the following tax system, designed to bring enough money back into business to re-activate trout and coffee farming.

The New Universal Tax System (NUTS)

The new system is the New Universal Taxation System (NUTS), and although it may appear to be complicated, its easy to understand. Basically, its STUFFT - the Simplified Tax Unit For Financial Transactions. Major elements of NUTS included a number for each business entity... an American Business Utilisation Number (ABUN) which will be used during dealings with governments at all levels.
Every business in America will get ABUN with NUTS.

The new tax system will simplify the way businesses report to the Australian Taxation Collection Head Office Organisation (ATCHOO). Every month businesses will have to complete a BASTARD (Business Activity Statement Table And Report Directive), and they should set at least 3 days aside to fill out the BASTARD.

Under the new system, every adult American taxpayer is classified as a SUCKER (Simple Underpaid Consumer Keeping Everything Running), unless they're unemployed and receiving public system benefits, in which case they're classified as a RATBAG (Registered American Taxation Beneficiary Allowance Grantee).

All SUCKERs and RATBAGs will have to complete a DAFT (Direct Application For Taxation) form. The completed DAFT form will be assessed by a local MORON (Metropolitan Or Regional Outcome Negotiator) who will determine the amount of CRAP (Credited Refund Allowance Payment) the taxpayer will receive.

Any SUCKER who wishes to appeal the amount of CRAP received from the Government should contact their local MORON who will assess the appeal and classify it as either STUPID (Secondary TEmporarily Unpad Portion of Individual Donation) or IDIOTIC (Income-Derived Individual Obligatory Taxation Installment Credit).

If you're a RATBAG, you'll not be entitled to ABUN with NUTS. You'll need to apply for a JOB (Joint Organisation Benefit), a new allowance provided joinly by the State and Federal Governments. Any RATBAG who doesn't apply for a JOB can get STUFFT.

All small businesses must register as BUST (Business Utilising Sales Tax) under the new tax system, and small businesses employing more than 2.7 persons on a regular full time basis must give each employee the SACK (Statutory Assessment Contribution Kit) before the end of the financial year. Only when all employees have been given the SACK will the business be officially acknowledged as BUST. In order to alleviate any hardship during the changeover period, the government has established a Department Of Grants and Subsidies (DOG). It's anticipated that by the end of the financial year, all businesses will be registered as BUST and the country will have gone to the DOGS.

Thankyou for complying with us at Count Altair Inc™

From: Darkklight Entrepenurial Federation
To: Count Alatair Industries
Stamp: Screw You
Priority: Class A1 Override
Nice try. I noticed the very slight hints. This is a cynical scheme to funnel American Tax Money to your little island. I've sent you a very special bunch of friends. They're special geneticly-engineered locusts that reproduce several hundred times as fast, and are immune to pesticides, radiation, and bug zappers. Only I know how to kill them without killing most everything nearby.

Let go of the coffee plantations, or Australia will be importing every single piece of food for eternity.

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Formerly-Rampant Human-Coded AI

From: Geneva Headquarters, Angel International Industries Ltd™
To: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: New Tax System
Priority: Class 1

Following the normal procedure for globe-spanning monopolies, Angel International Industries Ltd™ has submitted a FRAUDS (Financial Renouncement of Accountability and Unacknowledged Debts to Society) form, under the unlisted section of the new system, for its American activities.

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Sundered Angel,
The One and Only
Ares Webboard Moderator, and all-around Nice Guy

From: "The Citizen's Liberation Front of America"
To: Darkklight Entrepenurial Federation
Stamp: Offer of Assistance
Priority: Class 2

We apologize for the delay. Due to certain "governmental" problems, we had to undergo a name change and sack our previous operative director. We believe that assistance on your behalf We would greatly like an order of 10,000 battleships delivered to our...we'll contact you later on a more secure channel for the destination.

We need all assistance possible, and thank you for your interest in our front. With the Columbian warlords sabotaguing competition and hording the coffee for themselves we'll greatly need that supply of battleships. Thank you.

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"I'm a controversial figure. My friends either dislike me or hate me."

From: Count Alatair Industries
From: Darkklight Entrepenurial Federation
Stamp: Re: Screw You
Priority: Class 4
We are sorry for any inconvenience on the part of Count Alatair Industries and Co™, and hope that next time you are more satisfied with our CD and disc albums. Count Alatair Ilyen sadly sends her apologies.

From: Brookeview Technologies Inc™ Fleet Command
To: Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: Military Assistance
Priority: Class 1

Count Altair Inc™ it has come to our attention that several of your uh corporate rivals
may be planing a war of aggression against your company. The Brookeview Technologies Inc™ Fleet Command division would like to offer the support of 27.674% of our defense forces. We take this action because the advertising deal on your now destroyed toll booth commited us to fund your company for the next 3 years. Also it appears to be two against one.

Brookeview Technologies Inc™ Fleet Command
A Name You Can Trust

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Creator of the great new plugin for ares "Earth's Journey Back To The Stars". And hopefully a member of the Ares Extended Team.

[This message has been edited by brookeview (edited 08-25-2001).]

*NEWS BULLETIN*
Recent theft of trout by the "People's Liberation Front of America" from the multi-national conglomerate Count Altair Inc™ has raised an uproar amongst the Trout community. Riots have sprung up as thousands of trout have taken to the streets, looting and burning in response to the heinous butchery and consumption of their finned brothers. Several car-bombings have already occured, costing the "People's Liberation Front of America" and their partner Angel International Industries Ltd™ over US$829,203,433 in property damages. Complaints have been filed with the UN conference concerning these fundamental violations of basic trout-rights. Stay tuned for an in-depth report after this...


From: Trout Liberation Front
To: "People's Liberation Front of America"
Stamp: You scum.
Priority: Class 1

The oppression of our trout brethren has lasted long enough! Release those you hold captive immediatly. This is your final warning. If you do not agree to meet our demands, full retaliatory actions will be authorized against you, up to and including full NBC weaponry. We will avenge the travesties you have committed against us!


From: Trout Liberation Front, Ally Management Office.
To: Company Trout Protectorate, Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: Assistance
Priority: Urgent

The recent disruption of normal events has precipitated a exchange of violence between the newly formed Trout Liberation Front and Angel International Industries Ltd™ along with their puppet "People's Liberation Front of America". This increase in the rate of arms stockpiling has outpaced our production capabilities. We request financial and material assistance in our plight. See attached file for specific requests.

*File Attached: "TLF:AMO Resource Request.war"*

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Madness takes it's toll; Please have exact change.

From: Company Trout Protectorate, Count Altair Inc™
To: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: Counterstrike
Priority: Class 2
Our humble trout brethren are being persecuted viciously, and it is up to us to stop these wanton acts of terrorism and violence. Respectfully suggest the nuking of America. Your friend, Chairman Fish.

From: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc™
To: Company Trout Protectorate, Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: Re: Counterstrike
Priority: Class 1
We apologise but the nuking of America and worldwide destruction theretofor is not compatible with our long term budget for the year 2001. Though this may be offset by higher tax rates, half-pay and government related extortion, the fiscal loss incurred by such an action would be too great to handle for this year's profit quarter, and would almost certainly lower the value of our share price. Oh yeah, and it would probably hurt our image as a caring company.

From: Security Directorate, Angel International Industries Ltd™
To: Geneva Headquarters, Angel International Industries Ltd™
Stamp: Terrorist Activity
Priority: Class 2
A rogue terrorist group known, apparently, as the "Trout Liberation Front" has begun activities against our Trout Holding Facilities. While the Directorate is pleased to note that these attacks have been successfully fended off, with no loss of trout (currently valued at over $562 per unit), they seem to be increasing in frequency and magnitude. This is in addition to the general increase in attacks of acknowledged Angel International Industries properties. The Security Directorate requests a greater apportion of the Security budget be diverted to the defense of these holdings.

From: Geneva Headquarters, Angel International Industries Ltd™
To: Security Directorate, Angel International Industries Ltd™
Stamp: Funding and Instructions
Priority: Class 2
As requested, funding has been apportioned for counter-terrorist operations, resulting in an 182% increase in your annual budget, estimated to be sufficient for the recruitment, training and arming of ~320 000 mercenaries to a standard comparable to American Marine training. Angel High Energy Research Ltd™ has been instructed to supply the Security direct with high and low-yield Nuclear, Chemical and Biological crowd control devices. We expect immediate results.

From: Geneva Headquarters, Angel International Industries Ltd™
To: Press Headquarters, Angel (Worldwide Monopoly) Press Ltd™
Stamp: Staff Restructuring
Priority: Class 1
Headquarters feels that recent reports by certain press agencies have been unsuitably worded, to the detriment of the parent company. These reports will be remedied, or staff restructuring will be required.

*NEWS BULLETIN*
In an astonishing piece of detective work today, independent media reporters have uncovered a startling conspiracy to frame the well respected Angel International Industries of atrocities against trout. The company, which had stalwartly defended its innocence at all times, issued a press statement "most pleased with the vindication of our good name, in the middle of these troubling times". While full details have yet to emerge, it appears that rival corporation Count Altair Inc™ hired the "People's Liberation Front" in an effort to destroy the company presently blocking its ascendancy to world-global multi-field monopoly status. More on the news at six...

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Sundered Angel,
The One and Only
Ares Webboard Moderator, and all-around Nice Guy

From:Trout Liberation Front, Main Office
To: Count Altair Inc™, Press Department
Stamp: Slander
Priority: Class 1

Have you read the news lately? I think there's a bad fish floating around (the reference has been noted). Perhaps some counter-stories will remedy the situation. Yours truly, Chairman Fish.

From:Trout Liberation Front, Operations
To: Trout Liberation Front Armed Forces
Stamp: Targets
Priority: Class 1

Please redirect your efforts towards military and economic targets only. Reduce collateral damage to civilian assets to prevent any sort of press liability. Primary targets are to be military. Destruction of non-civilian occupied economic targets (robotic factories, warehouses, etc.) are to be attacked only during low-activity periods. Suicide bombings are to cease. All trout recovery and rescue operations, however are to continue with disregard to collateral damage. Retrieving trout prisoners is priority one.



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Madness takes it's toll; Please have exact change.

From: Don Steelglass, Antarctican Mafia
To: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: We Have An Offer...
Priority: Class 2
We have noticed the recent news bulletins, and it would appear that you need some military assistance. We would be honored to aid your company and the Trout Liberation Front. However, the resources invested would be... considerable. As repayment we would require 50% of your profits. We recently made a raid on the North Pole, and have made slaves of Santa's elves. We have a large elf army consisting of many elves with pointy sticks, and our human forces are using considerably powerful stolen Russian military equipment. All we need is half of your profits, and we will be more than happy to back you up. And if you refuse our offer, we will have no choice but to ally with your rivals, Angel International Industries Ltd™. We leave the choice to you.

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"Whoever said that the pen is mightier than the sword was on something."
[url="http://"http://www.MSPlugDevelopment.n3.net"]My Ares Website[/url]
Plug reviews are appreciated...

From: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc™
To: The Global Press
Stamp: Truthification
Priority: Class 3
We have reason to believe you have reason to believe Count Altair is the one behind the atrocities committed against the trout of the world. Know this is not so, we have been trying to save the trout from extinction. It is instead, Sundered Angel and his company who have been plotting the destruction of that holy and sacrosant species of fish. Without delay, publish the truth of the story. Please access the file accompanying this email for the full story.

From: Central Committee, Count Altair Inc™
To: All
Stamp: The Resistance Lives!
Priority: Class 1
The resistance against the world dominator Sundered Angel lives! Join, now, and together, we may push back this dictator from the shores of liberty. Know this; Count Altair is willing to accept any offer at any price. We are losing badly against SA's corporate monopolies and takeover abilities! Fight! And fight now!

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There are only 3 kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't.

From: Brookeview Technologies Inc™ Anti-Sundered Angel Division
To: Count Altair Inc™
Stamp: Fight
Priority: Class 1
We the Brookeview Technologies Inc™ have formed the Anti-Sundered Angel Division on behalf of your plea for help. We will provide any assistance needed.

Brookeview Technologies Inc™ Anti-Sundered Angel Division
Sundered Angel,Resistance is Futile

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Creator of the great new plugin for ares "Earth's Journey Back To The Stars". And a member of the Ares Extended Team.

[This message has been edited by brookeview (sig edited 08-22-2001).]

[This message has been edited by brookeview (edited 08-24-2001).]